an a 85 yrs old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. the doctor gave the man a jar,and said-----take this jar home, and bring back a semen sample for tomorrow. The next day the 85-year old man reappeared at the doctors office and give him a jar,which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked,what happened?and the man was explained. "well doc,its like this,first -i tried with my right hand but nothing,then i tried with my left hand, but still nothing.Then i asked my wife for help,She tried with her right hand,then with her left,still nothing,she tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in.and then with her teeth out,still nothing,WE even called up arleen ,lady the next door,and she tried too,first with both hand,then an armpit,and she even tried,and she even tried squeezin it between her knees,but still nothing." The doctor was shocked----you asked your neighbor? The old man replied-----"YEP" NONE OF US COULD GET THE JAR OPEN .
Two thieves break into a bank in the middle of the night and open a safe. There is only some yogurt, but no money. They taste the yogurt. It's tainted. The men open the next safe. There is some yogurt too, it tastes much better but again - no money. The thieves take on another safe. And there's yogurt again. "John, why don't you go outside and look if it is indeed a bank!"says one to the other, and sits down to eat the yogurt which tastes really fresh and nutritious this time. A couple of minutes later in comes John. "It is definitely a bank!" "What exactly did the sign say?" "The Sp*rm Bank of Ohio!""
S*x is like a restaurant. Sometimes you get good service, sometimes bad service, sometimes no service, and many time, you have to be happy with self-service
What 3 things are common between the sun and a woman's underwear? A. Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.
STUPID BOSS# While typing boss speech to be delivered in joint commnunique, secretary paused awhile and asked the stupid boss Secretary: Sir, is it two M on the word communication? Stupid Boss: add one more M to to make it sure!