Ladies and gentlemen, I am here today to announce the new Apple product coming in November. Okay, ladies and gentlemen... are you ready? Yes? No? Okay, well, the new product is the iTampon! Yeah. The iTampon is sort of useful. It is like a downgraded version of the iPod, you see. You can fold up the iTampon and hide it in your hair to prevent it from breaking! Oh no, you spilled juice all over your iTampon? It's okay, because the iTampon is kind of waterproof! I don't know how to get rid of orange juice stains on the iTampon yet though, so I guess I can't help you out there. Oh, and there is more amazing stuff to come! When you buy the iTampon, you get a broken iPad with it as well... 5% off! That is only if you pre-order the iTampon, so pre-order now at www.apple.com!