SWC R1 - The Mysterious Hand Model

The Mysterious Hand Model

This is a collaboration between me and Ali. Excuse the caps rage. We were having lots of fun.

(Please don't take this too seriously...)

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ONCE UPON A TIME A MAN WOKE UP ON THE FLOOR OF THE OFFICE OF HIS LOCAL HAND MODELLING AGENCY. HE HAD ABSOLUTELY NO RECOLLECTION OF WHAT HAD OCCURRED THE NIGHT BEFORE. OR ANY NIGHT BEFORE, FOR THAT MATTER.

COULD HE EVEN REMEMBER HIS NAME? NO, HE COULD NOT. SO HE NAMED HIMSELF WALTER. WALTER COULD ONLY REMEMBER THAT HE WORKED IN THE HAND MODELLING AGENCY AND THAT THE NAME WALTER WAS AN ACCEPTABLE NAME FOR HIMSELF, BEING A MIDDLE AGED MAN. AND MIDDLE AGED MEN SHOULD NATURALLY BE NAMED WALTER. NOT THAT HE COULD EVEN REMEMBER HIS OWN AGE.

HE EXAMINED HIS HANDS. TO HIM, THEY WERE AN IMAGE OF PERFECTION. HE ASSUMED EVERYONE ELSE LIKED THEM TOO, OTHERWISE HE WOULDNT HAVE A JOB AT A HAND MODELLING AGENCY. HIS NAILS GLISTENED WITH A COAT OF FRESHLY PAINTED, LILAC-COLORED NAIL POLISH. THE REST OF HIS HAND SHOWED NOT EVEN THE SLIGHTEST IMPERFECTION, AS THEY WERE ALL COVERED UP WITH CONCEALER.

HE FROWNED SLIGHTLY AT THE CHOICE OF COLOUR BUT ACCEPTED IT QUICKLY, DECIDING THAT WHOEVER HAD CHOSEN IT HAD KNOWN BEST. AND INDEED, THEY HAD KNOWN BEST. THE HAND MODELING AGENCY HE WORKED FOR WAS TOP OF THE LINE, FOR TOP OF THE LINE COMPANIES. WALTER KNEW THIS BECAUSE OF THE LARGE, PRINCESS-CUT DIAMOND RING ON HIS FINGER. IT MUST'VE COST A FORTUNE, TO SAY THE LEAST.

HOWEVER, HE STOPPED TO THINK. PERHAPS HE WAS ONLY MODELLING THIS RING? DID IT REALLY BELONG TO HIM, OR HAD HE ACCIDENTALLY STOLEN IT? HE HAD TO FIND THE PICTURES TAKEN TO SEE IF WAS WHAT WAS BEING DISPLAYED.

HE SCRAMBLED TO LOOK AROUND FOR SOME SORT OF CAMERA, OR PERHAPS A COMPUTER. ALAS, HE FOUND NONE WITHIN THE PREMISES. IN FACT, THE ENTIRE BUILDING SEEMED ABANDONED FOR THE NIGHT.

ALL THE COMPUTERS WERE OFF, AND HE COULD NOT REMEMBER HOW TO TURN THEM BACK ON. HE SANK TO THE FLOOR IN DESPAIR, NEXT TO A STACK OF DEVELOPED PHOTOS. IT TOOK QUITE A WHILE FOR HIM TO NOTICE TO DEVELOPED PHOTOS. EVEN WHEN HE DID, IT TOOK A WHILE FOR IT TO SINK IN. THESE WERE THE PHOTOS HE WAS LOOKING FOR! HE GIDDILY GRINNED AS HE REACHED FOR THE PHOTOS.

HE LOOKED THROUGH THEM, STARING AT EACH ONE FOR SEVERAL MINUTES. AT FIRST, THE PERFECTION OF HIS HANDS BLEW HIM AWAY, COMPLETELY DISTRACTING HIM FROM HIS TASK OF LOOKING FOR THE RING. BUT THEN HE PAUSED. HIS HANDS... THEY LOOKED MUCH BETTER IN THE PHOTOGRAPHS THAN IN REALITY. HOW ON EARTH WAS THIS POSSIBLE? HE GLARED DISAPPROVINGLY AT HIS OWN HANDS, SCOLDING THEM FOR NOT LIVING UP TO THEIR PICTURES.

HE LOOKED AT THE PHOTOS OVER, SCOURING OVER THEM GREEDILY. THESE MUST BE THE BEST PHOTOS HE'S EVER TAKEN. IT'S BEST TO LEAVE THESE THINGS TO THE PROFESSIONALS, HE SUPPOSED. HIS HANDS TRULY WERE OBJECTS OF PERFECTION. BUT THE RING HE WAS WEARING WASN'T TO BE FOUND IN ANY OF THE PHOTOGRAPHS. HE LOOKED AROUND FOR MORE PICTURES, SEEING SEVERAL OTHER STACKS BUT OF HANDS THAT WERE NOT HIS OWN.

BUT SUDDENLY THE MAN WOKE UP NEXT TO HIS WIFE IN BED.

HE SIGHED IN RELIEF, REALIZING HE HAD NEVER BEEN INVOLVED WITH ANY SORT OF MODELLING WHATSOEVER.

JUST AS HE LAID HIS HEAD BACK ON THE PILLOW, HIS WIFE WOKE UP.

IN A SOFT, SLEEPY VOICE SHE ASKED, "DON'T YOU HAVE A PHOTO SHOOT TODAY?"

 

Shhhhhhh nobody needs to notice that.

 

We wrote it out together in caps. It's 1am here and I'm way too knackered to fix it and rewrite it all in non-caps. Sori ;~;

 

Another British human 

 

I did put a note in saying how it isn't to be taken seriously  Like. It's a serious entry. But it's a comedy. A mystery comedy. A mystery comedy written in all caps for emphasis and obnoxiousness.