This is just something I saw online and I wanted to post. It's not a story, so don't be asking for updates. I SEE YOUR FAKE SMILE Because believe me, darling, I know that smile. I know what it feels like to reply, "I'm ok." when someone asked you how you are. But not because you are good, because you're just so used to saying it that you don't even think about it anymore. You don't even realize the question that is being asked. Your response is just so rehearsed, that it comes out with no effort. Just like that beautiful smile, darling. It breaks your heart to lie to those you love. It's so hard to tell them everything is perfectly fine. But it's even harder to tell them the truth. You don't want to be in suck a vulnerable state. You can't handle that kind of pity. But you gotta believe me when I tell you, darling, you're not alone. I'm here for you. I understand that reflection you see every night. The one you don't even recognize anymore. That same smile that you've been wearing for years to fool everyone into thinking you're fine, has finally fooled you. Just for that split second, when you look in the mirror and see that stranger smiling back at you, you believe it. You actually think that you might be happy. But then, you're heart starts to hurt, your body starts to ache, your tears start to flood, and all the memories come back. You're not ok. You're not happy. You're dying from the inside our, and nobody even bothers to notice. You feel like you're alone and everyone has given up on you. But you have to believe me, you're not alone, darling. I'm here. I'm right here holding your hand. I'm rubbing your back as you cry on my shoulder. Even if you can't see me, or hear me, I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere. Because I know what it feels like to want to just throw it all away an say, "Fuck it." I know what it feels like to think, "I'm not worth it. Nobody cares about me, and everybody leaves. So it's my turn. I'm going to be the one to leave this time, and leave them hurting and alone." But darling, you are so incredibly worth it. Your life matters to me. Even if we've never talked, or if I don't even know your name, I'm here for you. And I care about you. I don't want you to go anywhere. Maybe I'm your best friend, maybe I'm your mother, maybe I'm your baby sister, maybe I'm your father that's never home. I care about you, and I don't want you to go anywhere. I know it's tough darling, but hang in there. Do it for me. Do it for everyone who's ever told you that they loved you. I'm so sorry you have to wear this fake smile every day, but stay strong darling. Stay strong and hold on to the mystery of tomorrow. < #CutCakeNotWrists
I don't cut, but I know how much keeping emotions in can eat at your insides. I've faked a smile so many times and it chips away at you bit by bit over time. After too long it becomes something you can do so naturally, with it not looking like you're a mad person from a loony bin. My boyfriend tries to get me to talk about my feelings, I can manage it for a bit but ill either have to type it or say it through tears. As after a while you get used to not saying anything and it becomes hard to speak about things that make you angry or upset. I know how it feels to feel alone, so if anyone needs to talk, I'm here
Then again, after a while of telling my same story four times a day, talking about it doesn't help anymore. Talking helped at the beginning, the last two years and the beginning of this one. But now? Now it just brings back the memories with no reward of being lifted of the burden. I had found this little story-type-thing on google and I re-typed it all up and sent it here. (With a few mistakes /.\) I've been searching lots of pictures on depression, as I have it, and one video came up with a British youtuber. He introduced me to the saying "#CutCakeNotWrist" which is now my one-and-only hashtag. I find it sad how I can find so much more help with strangers over the Internet than I can with my family and friends and a counselor. It just isn't right.