As Hazel opened her eyes, a girl with dark brown hair stood gasped and went quickly outside the room. Hazel sat up and looked around, realizing she's in a hospital. The girl went back with a doctor. Finally, the girl spoke. "Hazel, oh my God, I thought you're never gonna wake up again. I was so, so worried about you. I missed you so much!! Are you feeling any good?" the girl said, with a strange accent. "I'm feeling a bit dizzy... Who are you?" Hazel stared in confusion. "Hazel, y-you don't remember me? Or anything at all?" "You can rest for a while, Ms. Valdez. Maybe that'll make you feel better. Ms. Valdez, you have amnesia from the accident three years ago." the doctor said. "Three years ago?! Do you mean–" Hazel's heartbeat stopped. "Yes, you've been in a coma for three years." the doctor said. "How about my family? Why are they not here?" "Hazel, they were with you in the accident. You're the only one who survived..." the girl said. "I can't believe this, no family and no memory. You, who are you to me?" "I'm you're bestfriend, Cristelle. I can't believe this too." "C-Cristelle..." the moment she said her name, Hazel held tight on her blanket and wondered why she suddenly fwlt a grudge against her. Cristelle's face shifted from worried to concerned face. "You're still confused. You're Hazel Valdez. Hazel, you have nowhere to live. Your house was burned down by your Aunt Rosie." Cristelle answered. "What the hell?!! How could my own aunt do that?!... Where am I supposed to live now?" "You could live with me in my apartment. You always sleep over when you feel depressed." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HEY GUYS!! IT'S MY FIRST TIME POSTING HERE... SO PLEASE GIVE ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS STORY... I'M A BIT INACTIVE SO I'LL TRY TO UPDATE IT AS SOON AS I CAN
"Who paid for the hospital bills?" Hazel asked. "Your friend here paid all the bills. You may leave for a few days if you'll feel any better." the doctor left. "Cristelle, how old are we?" Hazel asked. "You are 16. I'm 17." "When is my birthday?" "January 31 is your birthday." "How long have we been friends?" "Since kindergarten. You were the first one who ever talked to me. Everyone ignored me, they all knew I was an orphan. Sometimes, they even bully me, remember?— Oh, right. Sorry..." "Cristelle, I have so much to ask you. And—" "Rest first. I'll bring dinner later, 'kay? "Alright. Wait... Do I have a phone or something??" "You're phone was with you in the accident, of course your phone's gone." "Can I see your phone?" "Why?" "Maybe I could find some pictures of me there." "Ugh, no.. There aren't any pictures there. I, ugh, got a new phone." "Can I get some fresh air instead?" "Okay, do I have to accompany you? I have to go somewhere else." "No, it's okay. I'll be fine on my own. What time—" *phone ringing* "Excuse me, Hazel... Yeoboseyo? Yes, I'm on my way, Marielle. I'll meet you at the rendezvous. Bye~" "I think Marielle is familiar, actually very familiar." "Umm, yeah. She's your seatmate in class." "Oh, okay. Let's go outside together." "Sure. I can accompany you until I hail an empty cab." "Thanks."
I like it. Instead of *phone ringing*, maybe describe it actually happening but yeah. Also maybe be slightly more descriptive and set the scene a bit more. The dialogue is good, but maybe have more of other writing and not just dialogue. So far it's pretty good though. Wall me when you update please. :3
Hazel and Cristelle stepped out and sat on a bench with a good view of the road. "Lend me clothes, would you?" Hazel swung her feet back and forth. "We'll shop clothes on Saturday. Also, on Monday, you need to go to school again." "What does my school look like?" "It's very big. We used to be volleyball players. But I can't play anymore ever since you got in the accident. I got pretty depressed." "So, what kind of accident was it?" "It was a car accident. It was a Thursday at 10 pm when your father was driving with you in the front seat, your mom in the back with Mika, your baby sister. You were just getting back from the restaurant, it was your parents' 17th anniversary. We were texting that night. I asked how'd it go and if the food was great, you replied that it was quite boring but the food's fine. I asked you if we could go to the mall in the morning, but you never replied again." Then there was a moment of silence. Hazel and Cristelle both stared at the sky. Finally, Cristelle hailed a taxi and left Hazel alone. Hazel went to the hospital's canteen to get some free coffee. She drank her coffee outside. She approached the glass window and studied her reflection. Her hair was black with sapphire blue end. Her curly bangs covered her bright emerald eyes. She was slim with an average height. Through the glass, another patient saw her with a surprised look on the face. He approached the glass window, and smiled and waved at Hazel, then went outside to her. "Hazel, how's it going?" the guy said. But Hazel didn't reply. "Right, you don't know me nor before the accident. I used to watch you when Cristelle's busy on other things and when in school. I'm Ian." "Hi..." Hazel hestitated, "Do you know the way to the rooftop?" "Why?" "I would like too see the sunset from here." "Oh, I see, I guess you like sunsets. Well, this way, madame." Ian chuckled. Ian led Hazel to the rooftop, where she could still see the sun. She held out her hand and felt the warm breeze. "It's my favorite place to go here in the hospital." "What?" "The rooftop. It's only where I can ponder my life freely." "Are you alright?" "Yeah, I'm good. Hazel dropped her cup of coffee and fainted. She was dreaming. She was in a park, sitting on a bench with a pen and a thick notebook. She read the big 'Hazel's Journal' on the top of the front cover. Then she read the the first page, eager to know about her past. -I was in the library with Nicole and Mariele. We were reading books about Greek Mythology. Bit then, I saw Adrian enter and sat on our table. He smiled at me and opened one of the books he brought. I think my face is as red as a tomato now, so I shoved my face in my book. After a while, Adrian peeked and pulled my book out of my face and asked if he can borrow my pen. I gave it to him and looked at Nicole and Marielle, who were now giggling. I guessed I was blushing again. The bell rang, and everybody stood up and walked to their classrooms. Before we could, Adrian gave my pen back, touching my fingers, and pat my shoulder while thanking. Nicole and Marielle were grinning. And I joined them and walked to our classroom.- The dream shifted. Hazel is now inside her old house. She keenly looked for her family but none of them are home. Hazel looked for pictures instead, disappointed. Hazel saw albums of pictures and opened one filled with her pictures when she was younger. Another one filled with Mika's. Hazel smelled smoke while still flipping through pages. She turned around and was shocked. The house was burning. She looked for an exit. But she's crying. The fire had already cornered her
I apologize for this is a short update. Please feel free to suggest anything. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hazel woke up sweating and breathing heavily. She was back to her room. Ian was talking to Cristelle, looking very serious, just by the door. Hazel groaned deliberately to get their attention. Cristelle turned. "Hazel, what happened to you?!" Cristelle asked. "I had a black out... And had a dream, it returned some of my memories." "A dream returning.. memories?" Cristelle stared at Hazel as if she was crazy. "So what do you remember now?" Cristelle added. "My family, that's all." Hazel lied. She wouldn't share that moment in the library. Hazel just remembered that Ian was once her boyfriend, and they broke up because of Cristelle. "Hey," Ian smiled. "Are you smiling because I fainted?" Hazel joked. "What?! No! I'm happy that you're awake now." "Cristelle, can you leave us for a moment? Please?" Hazel pleaded. "Okay, I'll be at the canteen then." Cristelle left. "Ian, are you sure we have never met before?" Hazel said with a serious tone. "Yes, I met Cristelle here at the hospital too. I've been here for only seven months. Of course, I only met the two of you when I was hospitalized." Ian replied. "Okay. Tell Cristelle go get dinner, then... What time is it?" "It's almost 8:30." "Oh, I was unconscious for almost four hours." * * * Hazel and Ian took a quick stroll around nearby park in the morning. "You're got out today, right?" Ian asked, looking pretty sad. "Yeah, well I will try to visit you as often as I can." Hazel replied. "Oh, right. If I get free this month, I'm going to visit you every weekend." "How sweet. By the way, you've been looking pale today. Are you alright or something?" "I'm fine," "Let's go sit by that tree, you must be tired." They sat there quietly and slowly. Hazel rested her head on Ian's shoulders. Ian was breathing almost heavily, looking very red now though. Hazel sat up. "Are you sure you're alright?" Hazel asked. Ian just looked at her, not saying anything. She opened her mouth to say something but Ian disrupted her, he kissed Hazel. Hazel's heart beated very fast. She was shocked and didn't know what to do. When she had woken up, she pushed Ian away. "I-Ian, why did.. why did you..? whu—" Hazel stammered. "Hazel, I missed you." Ian said. Hazel remembered that tone, she've heard of it before. She remembers Ian now. "Ian? Oh my god. Is that really you? I can't believe this... You've changed!" Hazel hugged Ian. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ian's identity will be revealed next update~~