You must not look at him, You must not touch him, You must not kiss him. His touch is a fire that you'll surely lust. His powerful gaze is something to fight for. You must not fall for him. I want you to run. Flee. Don't come back. *first story here, but I've been told I have talent.. SHALL I CONTINUE?
Yes you should, it captured my interest but is this just like a Prologue or something? If it's a Chapter, it's quite short.
'' Megan. Your fate is painful, full of hardships. Take this note.. Teleport. Run. '' Allison Phillips commanded to her daughter. A look of pain flashed across her face.. But quickly went away. Megan stood shocked. Her red hair cascaded down her shoulders to her waist. Her green eyes showed confusion and betrayal. ''Don't let them cut your hair. Run child! '' ******* Minutes later, The Seeker's bust in the Philipp residence with iron cleavers. '' Where is she?'' A bulgy man asked rudely. ''Too late, she's gone. '' Allison proudly stated with fear clear in her voice. A painful death Allison died.. For Megan. The last of her kind. A glimpse of what this story is like..
I don't know really, it sounds pretty interesting, but you can't really tell from just that. That part is good though aha. (In the way that it hooks your attention and gives an interesting start.) If you know about the grammar, why not try and fix it aha? I mean, at least maybe try and spell the title right. :3 The actual storyline seems pretty good though.