Zero “Are you sure you want to do this?” Robin, my best friend, asked me. “Defiantly! I mean c’mon what’s the worst we can find?” I joked and Robin shrugged, her purple hair was already falling out of it's messy bun. “I don’t know Daisy…” Robin said and I rolled my blue eyes. “Come on, my mum doesn’t get back for two hours and I'm pretty sure she’s took our camera. All we’re doing is taking back what’s ours.” I say and Robin sighs but when I sneak in my mums caravan Robin follows. “Right so what are we looking for?” Robin asks, her light blue eyes darting around. I look around the caravan. The small caravan is just what I expected it to be like, cramped and messy but I lived with my mum for thirteen years, I know where she keeps things. “Check the wardrobe first; she normally hides things in there.” I command and Robin nods, opening the doors and looking inside. I however, start to look though her drawers before a shout from Robin stops me. “What is it?” I ask, walking over to where she’s standing with a box. “It’s some of your old stuff!” Robin says, she wipes a bit of dust off the box “See, ‘Daisy’s baby stuff’” “Oh god, put it back! Quick, it’s probably gonna be embarrassing!” I hiss and Robin laughs. “That’s why we’re taking this.” Robin says and I lunge for the box but she dodges me. “Give it here Robin!” I hiss and I lunge for it again but my balance is off and instead of staying on my own two feet, I face plant the ground with an ‘oof’. My brown curly hair surrounds my head, blocking my view. “I'm gonna go and look though this now. Find the camera on your own” Robin teases before leaving. I sigh, and pull myself up pushing my hair behind my ears. I follow Robin out and straight into our caravan. “Right here’s the deal, we look at this stuff then we return it and look for the camera. Deal?” I hold my hand out for Robin too shake, she shakes my hand before placing the box down on her bed. “Let’s get started!” Robin grins and I roll my eyes. I sit down next to her. Robin lifts the lid off the box and the first thing we find is some cuddly toys. “Aww! I forgot these!” I coo, grabbing at them “I'm keeping these on my bed! Y’know just for decoration” I throw the teddies at my bed on the opposite side of the room and Robin grins at me. “I knew this was a good idea” She brags. She reaches in the box again and pulls out a folder. “I wonder what’s in here” I peer forward at it; Robin tips it over and some papers fall out. A look of confusion cross Robins face before she grabs the papers and we start to read them. Certificate of Adoption - Name of the child - Daisy Jane Howell D.O.B - June 11, 1991 Date of Adoption – June 17, 1991 Adoptive parent(s) – Anne Chains The birth parents have been granted permission to see the child if given permission by the adoptive parent(s) Four signatures were at the bottom of the paper. One was my adoptive mum, another the head of the adoption services and the other two were my birth parents. My real parents Denise and James Howell. “Oh my god Daisy…” Robin whispered her mouth a perfect ‘o’. But I was already walking out the door. *a/n* hi, this is my first post on this forum <3 p.s this is an amazingphil fan fiction x - lana mae <3
One “Daisy! Daisy! Come back!” Robin yelled after me but I was running now, there was no way she’d catch up to me. I'm too fast. I guess that’s one good thing about being in an equestrian act, you’re alethic therefore you’re normally a fast runner. I rush past caravans and animal cages. Just the normal circus camp. But then again, Robin is a tightrope walker so I guess we’re even. She has to say supple and thin, I have to say alethic and thin as well. Suddenly, I don’t want to run anymore, running from your problems never works, it doesn’t even change anything. All it does is makes it worse. So I stop, I stop running. I stop so fast that Robin crashes into me and we both go flying. We land in a crumpled heap of limbs just at the edge of the circus camp. “Get the fuck off of me” I growl and Robin manages to jump off. I pull myself to my feet. “Daisy, I-I well… I don’t know what to say” Robin whispers and I just shake my head at her. “Of course you don’t! You’re not the one whose adopted are you now?” I'm meant to sound mad and snappy but it comes out sounding wrong. It comes out sounding desperate and hollow. Robin hugs me and I find myself hugging her back. I start to cry and soon Robin’s violet sweater is damp and smudged with clumps of black mascara. “S-Sorry, I'm ruining your jumper” I choke out, pulling back and Robin shakes her head. “Who cares right now? I think you’ve got a reason to be crying right now Daisy, it doesn’t matter” Robin sooths. I shake my head and wipe my eyes. “I-I just don’t understand… I-I mean w-w-we look alike and… And I just don’t get how- how my mu- I mean Anne, didn’t tell me sooner” I choke out; I sit down on the glass and start to rip chunks of it out the ground. “Neither do I.” Robin whispers, and she sits down with me and begins to rip out the grass with me “Neither do I” * I sit on Anne’s bed and wait I wait for her to come back, so I can talk to her. I need to talk to her. I need to know why she lied. I need to know. I need to know why she adopted me in the first place and why she never told me. For god’s sake she even said that when I was born it was the best moment of her life because one the pain was over and two she had a beautiful baby girl. “You were a beautiful baby girl so I called you after a beautiful flower. You’re Daisy; you’re named after a flower. A beautiful sweet flower” I shake my head and my dark hair blocks my vision for a moment but then it’s gone and I can see again. I tuck it behind my ears and lean my head against the soft pillow. It smells of my ‘mum’. Of flowers and warm hugs. This smell used to soothe me and make me feel loved now I just feel an ache. An ache that fills my throat with a hard lump as well as making my eyes tear up. After a few minutes that feel like hours the door opens and Anne walks in. “Daisy! Sweetheart, you gave me the shock of my life!” Anne exclaims smiling. I stare hard at her, looking for similarities. Her hair is long and brown though it is a different shade too mine. Mine is a dark chocolate brown though I dip dyed the tips blonde a while back, hers a light chestnut brown. Mine is curly, Anne’s isn’t. My eyes are a light blue, hers a grey blue; in fact they’re just grey. My lips are rather small and the bottom lip has always looked a bit fatter than the top whereas Anne’s lips are long and thin but they suit her so well. That’s when is hits me, I look nothing like my ‘mum’. I don’t even know how people think we’re related. “Daisy? Are you okay? You’re not answering and you’re hugging my pillow like you’re drowning” Anne jokes and I drop the pillow, sitting up almost instantly. Another thing is we’re nothing alike, she’s funny and kind. I'm sarcastic and bitchy. “Anne, I need you to be honest with me” I start and a look of confusion covers her face. Probably because I called her Anne. “Sure sweetheart, what is it?” Anne says, sitting down by side me. “Who’s my dad?” I asked and Anne frowned. “I’ve told you, your dad was a horrid man. I'm happy without him and so are you. Forget about him” Anne said sharply, but then her face softened “We don’t need him” “No, I meant who is my real dad?” I asked and Anne’s mouth dropped. “What do you mean Daisy?” She asked smiling even though we could both tell it was fake. “I mean who is my real dad?” I repeat and Anne sighs. “Listen Daisy, your dad was a selfish man. He left me when he found out I was pregnant with you. I'm sorry but I can barely remember what he looks like now.” Anne says, looking down. Lies “Don’t lie to me Anne. Tell me the truth now” I say sharply and Anne’s head snaps up. “Since when did you call me Anne?” Anne jokes, a tense smile on her face. “Since I found my adoption papers” I reply, a blank look on my face. I'm not one of people who show weakness but I am one of those people how get straight to the point. “W-What adoption papers?” Anne says, her voice is shaking now. As well as her hands. A sign of her nervousness. “Don’t lie Anne. Should I get them to show you?” I ask her and Anne shakes her head. “N-No.” Anne sighs before continuing “I was going to tell you” “Too late now” I say and Anne nods. “C-Can you at least let me explain?” Anne asks and I nod. “Anne, I'm not angry. Well I am but I'm just angry because you didn’t tell me.” I say and Anne sighs again. “I-I was told from an early age that I couldn’t have children and it ate away at me. By the age of twenty five I only had one true friend because I hated all the others. Well I don’t think I hated them, I was just jealous. They were all either pregnant or had children and oh, how I wanted children. But then my only friend Denise Howell got pregnant and it broke my heart. I joined the circus almost immediately after being told by her; I didn’t want to watch her go through everything I wanted. But after seven months of self-hatred her husband James Howell found me and begged me to come and see Denise. Saying how she wanted to talk to me and for some stupid reason I agreed.” Anne took a deep breath before continuing. “Denise was seven months along and she seemed bigger than I expected and that was- that was because they were having twins. One girl and one boy. And Denise offered me the thing I wanted most, a baby. She offered me her baby girl” Anne stops and starts to sob. I don’t know what to do, I want to hug her but I can’t. It’s not because I don’t love her because I do, I do love Anne but I'm frozen. I can’t move. Anne steadies herself before continuing. “You and your brother were born on the 11th June 1991 and on the 17th June 1991 you were adopted by me. And I was so happy, I let Denise choose your name as I wanted her to still be part of you and she chose Daisy. She chose Daisy Jane Howell and for your twin brother she chose Daniel, Daniel James Howell. I was so happy and I was even happier when Denise insisted that you take my surname but then James ruined it. He told me I would have to leave the circus but I disagreed. Denise asked me to leave too but I refused. A-And then I left the circus but then I went to this one and they welcomed me. They always thought you were my daughter and in fact they still do. A-A-And sometimes I-I think that too but then I look at you and I don’t see me. I see Denise and it kills me” Anne finishes with a sob. I can’t speak and if I'm honest I don’t want too. One part of me wants to hug Anne and to tell her how I am her daughter and how I’ll always know her as my mother but another wants to leave. I want to leave here and find my real mother and father. And my twin brother. But which one is right? One thing I know is I can’t deicide here. I need some space, somewhere where my adoptive mother isn’t crying her heart out. “Anne… Uh… I need some space. I'm going to go now; I’ll talk to you in the morning?” I say and Anne nods, though she doesn’t stop sobbing. As I leave I shoot Anne a small smile before I shut the door and then I'm outside in the cool evening air. * Robin’s soft snores are the only sound in our silent caravan as I lie in bed and stare at the sloping celling. Over a million thoughts are rushing though my brain and I can’t make sense of anything other than I have a family out there. I have a real mum, a real dad and a real twin brother. What am I meant to do? Am I meant to go find them? Or should I stay with Anne? My adoptive mum who ran away with me? I don’t know what to do. I want to find them, I want everything to go back to the way it was but it can’t. And it won’t. Should I go find them or should I not? I mean, I want a family but I have one here. They may not be my real family but they’ve stuck by me. I mean look at Robin! She’s like a sister too me! And what about Anne, she’s been my mum for nineteen years. She was amazing. She always tried her hardest to give me what I wanted, she never stopped me and if I done something wrong she wouldn’t punish me she’d just talk to me, explain why it was wrong. Sometimes she’d yell a little but honestly she was one of the best parents I could ever have, she really was. So why do I want leave? I shake my head, unable to answer the question. I roll over and pull the blanket over my head, trying to sleep but I don’t. I just lie there, thinking. Then I realize that Robin isn’t snoring anymore. “Robin?” I whisper and I hear her shift around in her bed. “Yeah?” She replies. “Um… Have you ever been torn?” I ask her. “I don’t get what you mean” She replies, confusion obvious in her voice. “Have you ever been torn, as in between two things? Two things that could change your life?” I ask and Robin shifts and suddenly her lamp is on. I look around our caravan, our small home. The walls were a white but you can hardly see them as we’ve covered them in millions of posters and pictures. Our beds may be tiny but they seem much bigger once you’re in them. The floor of our caravan is light oak flooring with a fluffy white rug spread across it, making the caravan look soft and warm. Both our beds have matching duvet covers. Plain white with purple stripes for Robin and dark red stripes for mine. We have a mirror against our door (which has around a hundred photo’s covering the edges) and we both a cupboard which is built into the walls and some drawers under our beds. What more do we need? The circus has a special portable bathroom as well as a few random caravans that people use to either just relax in or sometimes to practice in. “No, not really. Why? What’s up?” Robin asks. Her black eye make-up is all smudged down her cheeks and her purple hair is up in its usual bed bun. Or at least that’s what I'm calling it. “Well… Right now I have two choices and I don’t know what too choose” I say and Robin frowns. “Well what’s the choices?” Robin asks me. “One is too stay here and just forget about it all and the other is too leave and find my real parents, as well as my twin brother” I say, I’ve already told her everything about my real family and what happened and Robin’s frown deepens. “Where ever you go, I come too. Besides, you’d go crazy without me. You’d miss me too much” Robin boasts grinning at me. “No, you’d stay here and take care of Blaze and besides, you couldn’t leave your family”! I protest but Robin just rolls her eyes. “I'm nineteen, technically I'm just moving out and Anne would take of care Blaze. So where ever you go, I go because I'm your best friend and besides, you’d miss me too much” Robin says and I roll my eyes but I don’t argue “So what’re you going to do?” “I-I think I'm going to…” I start but I can’t finish, what am I going to do though? Robin doesn’t say anything; she just waits while I think. I think about it. I know I want to find my family but I don’t want to leave my horse Blaze or Anne. But I want to find my family… “I'm going to leave. I'm going to get more information on my parents then I'm going to go and find them” I say and Robin nods. “Right well if we’re done with this conversation I'm going to sleep seeing as it’s half past two” Robin says before clicking off the lamp. I laugh a little but then like Robin, I attempt to go to sleep. Soon after or maybe it’s hours after Robin’s soft snores start up again and I'm still just lying awake, thinking. So what if I leave and I find my parents but they don’t want me? What if they’ve forgotten about me? What if my brother doesn’t even know I exist? I sigh again before rolling over in an attempt to get comfortable, it doesn’t work. So I know one thing, I'm leaving but when? I need a deadline or I’ll keep putting it off and telling myself I don’t need to go and things like that. I need to leave in two weeks but I need information, I need to know where my parents live (or at least where they used to live) and maybe if I can some sort of address? Any information I can get my hands on. I roll over again and this time I get comfortable and soon I'm asleep. I dream of a family, a twin brother who I love. A mother who loves me, a father who loves me. But the dream soon turns into a nightmare when Anna and Robin appear. There’s shouting and I need to choose. I need to choose fast. But if I choose my real family I never see Anna or Robin again but if I choose Anna and Robin I never see my family again. It’s too hard. I can’t choose, they’re all shouting at me now. I need to choose but I can’t. I can’t choose. *a/n* hii! too dramatic? lol, it's gets worse. what do you think of the length? is it too long? - lana mae <3
thank you xx both of you xx the next update will be tomorrow or friday xx thank you for reading - lana mae <33