(Sorry for any grammar mistakes I will update story every day or when i can if the story is liked) Chapter One: "Their future was proven long ago, no changing it. Not until you were born. You are their last hope. You have the power to change the future and the fate of Starfall. The only question is, how will you use that power?" I do not comprehend these words. They have importance, even if it is not of major importance. This may be the only thing I did understand about these words. What does the voice mean? The on in my dreams, in my nightmares. What does this faceless voice want? I'm only a child, only a fourteen year old girl. This is all too confusing for me. I shouldn't worry myself with this, not today anyway.
. . .dont be mad but im going to give you an honest report okay? By reading thsi i can see that you are vvery descriptive when it comes to writing but try toning it down slightly. Keep it interesting and not ridiculously simple but dont allow it to be to. ."smothering" i supoose, second, i can see that you tend to skip around the main idea, for instance the part aboit the voice, we were just discussing fate, work on transitioning and stating on topix also, not skipping around tge point TO much. Also yes i know its a rough draft but even as a rough draft it should not have any grammatical errors or spelling errors. Imsorry if your mad, but as a author myself i take wriring seriously, and gave you my honest opi.oin, in total i can see that you have potential but remember writing isint as simple as it seems, it takes hard dedication to finnaly write something that is publish worthy, good luck in your writing, ~snick,