Okay, so I haven't done much to it. But it's got SLIGHTLY less mistakes and hopefully makes a little more sense. Emphasis on hopefully. ><> <>< ><> <>< Goodbye Cruel World It had all gotten too much. I stared at the pills in my hand, wondering if I dared to swallow them. The alternative was much, much worse. Cruel parents who beat me and treated me as their servant, being constantly bullied at school, having no friends whatsoever. Well, that wasn't completely true. I had one friend, and one friend only. Her name was Rebecca, and I loved her more than anything else in the world. I have loved her ever since I had set eyes on her 6 years ago, when we were 11. She's the only reason I refused to commit suicide. Thoughts of her clouded my mind, and my scarred hands put down the lethal pills. Those pills would give me relief. Give me a slow but painless death. End my endless misery. I would end it now if I could, but then she would never know how much I love her... Friday, 8:30am I was walking to school wearing my headphones, the music on full blast. Well, I dunno if it classifies as music. Most of it was unintelligible screaming. But I liked it. Suddenly, a small, pale pair of hands knocked my headphones off and covered my eyes. "Guess who!" She said in a sing-song voice. "Oh, I wonder who it could be sunshine?" That was my nickname for Rebecca. She really was my sunshine, but she didn't know it. I started humming The tune of 'You Are My Sunshine' to myself. "Daaaan! I know I do this everyday, but you could at least try and be fun. Hey, are you humming 'You Are My Sunshine'? Surely you haven't been listening to that!" I stopped humming it at once. She put my headphones on but took them off again almost immediately, pretending the sound had destroyed her ears. She hopped around, screaming "I'M DEAF!!" right in people's faces. That was one of the many things I liked about her. She was never afraid to make a fool of herself, as long as she was happy. I nonchalantly pulled my sleeves down so she wouldn't see my scars. She hated them. She's only seen my arms. If she saw me shirtless she would probably faint from the amount of cuts I had. I always cut myself. I wouldn't really call it a hobby, but I wouldn't call it impulse either. I guess the pain and the blood is just a distraction from the agony of reality. Besides, half of my scars aren't even my fault. My parents have left marks after they beat me. Blisters, bruises, and many other things I don't want to mention. I also used to get beat up by people at school. It stopped, but I had to threaten them with a knife. That got me into a lot of trouble, but I didn't care. I rarely cared about things these days... Becky always asked me why I cut myself. I never replied to her, as I never had a real reason. If I told her that it was a distraction she would probably make me do singing or something stupid like that. To her that's what a distraction is. We got to school and went to class. Me and Rebecca had every single class together, but we only sat next to each other in a few of them. Maths, Chemistry and Art. We had maths first, which was good, even though I'm terrible at it. Becky tried to help me but I usually end up copying her. Today's lesson was particularly boring. I imitated our teacher every time he spoke, making Rebecca giggle. Unfortunately our maths teacher had extremely good hearing, so we both got a detention. Becky freaked out, whining about how this would go on her school report and what a bad reputation she would have. I, on the other hand, was quite happy about it. To me it just meant more time with my wonderful Rebecca. "Dan? Daniel!" Becky whispered, giving me a small kick under the table. Dammit. I had gone off on a daydream about her again... "Pay attention! We already have detention, don't make things worse!" "Huh? Oh. Right. Pay attention." Eugh. Why did maths have to be so boring... The worst part is that Rebecca could be mine, if it wasn't for that bastard Alex. He didn't care for her at all. Their relationship was purely for show. But Becky always thought it was more. She always tried to talk to him and was so sweet to him, buying him little gifts and always making sure he was happy. And what did he do in return? He used her. He flirted with other girls behind her back and gave her gifts to them. He didn't love her at all, and she poured her heart out to him, trusting him completely. We sat in art. My book was full of paintings and sketches. Half of them weren't classwork. Just sketches of the same person, over and over. This time I drew two people. They were sitting on the edge of a cliff, looking out at the blank but soon to be beautiful view of the sunset. The boy had his arm around the girl, and her head was resting on his shoulder. To me it was clear who it was, but Rebecca seemed to have other ideas... "What are you drawing this time? Can I see it? You never let me see what you draw!" She tugged the drawing out of my hands before I could say a word. I sat completely still and stared at the floor, waiting for her reaction. It wasn't what I expected. "Wow! This is amazing! Who is it? Is it me and Alex? Aww, that's so sweet of you Dan! Thanks so much! Can I keep it?" "Huh? Oh... Sure..." She ripped the page out of my sketchbook before I could say a word. The picture was barely half done. I had only done the outline. If I had finished it she wouldn't mistake it for Alex. If only she knew how strong my feelings for her were... I didn't talk at all for the rest of Art. I tried to redraw the picture, but I gave up with a frustrated sigh and ended up drawing a coffin instead. Guess who was inside. Becky was too preoccupied admiring the picture and adding to the background to notice how strange I was acting. This was one of the first times I had actually seen her put effort into a piece of art. That just upset me even more. Friday, 12:00pm I sat by myself in the cafeteria. Rebecca normally sat by me, but she had gone to talk to her 'boyfriend'. I caught a few snippets of their conversation. It sounded sweet at first, but slowly grew worse and worse... "He's just a friend!" Becky said. Alex grunted something in return that sounded full of spite. She replied in a strange voice, half angry, half afraid. "Well at least he bothers to talk to me!" After a year of denial, she was finally realizing what a crappy boyfriend she had. Alex seemed to notice she had realized too. He replied in a loud voice that rebounded across the the whole room. "Well if you like him so much, why don't you be HIS girlfriend?" Rebecca was shocked. She never knew she meant so little to him. She tried to reply but nothing came. "Did you really think you meant something to me!?" He spat. "I never loved you! I used you! The only reason I asked you out in the first place was for a bet. You're a pathetic loser whose only friend is an emo outcast. I can't believe I didn't dump you earlier." I was seething with rage. How dare he talk to my beloved Rebecca like that! But what made it worse was what he did next. He slapped her across the face, and she fell to the ground. I couldn't hold myself back any more. A year of anger for Alex, from the day he and Rebecca became a couple till now, broke free. I walked over and punched Alex in the face. I was rewarded with crimson blood flowing from his nose. I smirked in satisfaction. Nobody hurts my sunshine. I helped a sobbing Becky up and walked her away. A bruise was starting to form on her cheek. I wanted to kiss it better and tell her everything was okay, but I held back and only did the latter. "Shhhh... It's okay Sunshine. Everything's gonna be alright." "N-No it's n-not! It's not g-gonna be alright!" she wailed. "He meant so much to me..." I rolled my eyes when she wasn't looking. I took her to the school nurse so she could get cleaned up and have that bruise checked out. He must've slapped her pretty hard... Suspended. For a week! A teacher saw what was going on in the cafeteria and told the principal. I don't get to see my sunshine for a week. This is going to hurt... At least I have the detention with her tonight first. The suspension starts next week, and today is Friday. Maybe I can see her at the weekend... Detention, 3:30 We sat in silence. The teacher droned on about how bad we all are. I'd heard this lecture a thousand times, so I just blocked it out. Rebecca on the other hand, listened like her life depended on it. She sat up straight and took in every word the teacher said. Her eyes were still slightly red, and the dark purple bruise on her pale face stood out like a sore thumb. I just slouched next to her and visualized the teacher being burnt alive. Once the teacher finally left, I tried talking to Rebecca. "So Sunshine, how does detention feel?" No reply. Nothing. She just stared off into space. Daydreaming, or thinking. Or maybe reminiscing... About what? When I got out of detention it was raining. It had been bright and sunny this morning, so nobody had an umbrella. Except me. I always expect the worst. I took my umbrella out of my bag and looked at Rebecca. She was staring at the rain in dismay. I didn't need to think about who would be dry and who would get wet. I went over and silently handed my umbrella to her. Before she could say a word, be it of thanks or rejecting the offer, I walked away. I splashed down my street, constantly stepping in puddles. I was soaked to the skin, and I was absolutely freezing. But as usual, I couldn't care less. The only thing I cared about was her. Nothing else. As long as she was happy, I could be... Well, maybe not happy. But as close to happy as I could be. I got home and went straight to my room, locking the door and completely ignoring my parents. They would wouldn't care if I came back with a broken leg. They wouldn't care if I didn't come back at all. I got changed and got my knife from the inside of my pillow. I had just started to cut into my hand when I got a text. From Rebecca. "Hey Dan! Can I come round tonight? I need to return your umbrella." I dropped the knife and fumbled with my phone. My fingers had become slippery with blood, and more was coming out of the wound on my hand. After much cursing and dropping my phone, I managed to text her back. "Sure! Come around 6?" I looked at the time. It was 5:45. That only gave me 15 minutes to clean myself up. I unlocked my door and washed the cut clean. I didn't bandage it though. Why bother? I got another text from her. "Okay! See you then!" I took a 5 minute shower just to clean myself up. I tried (and failed) to clean up my room, but oh well. I hid my knife again. Becky would go ballistic if she saw it. She was used to seeing my room messy, and she was never really that bothered about it. I checked the time. 5:57. She would be here any moment now, she was never late. I hastily started dressing myself, hoping I would be presentable by the time she turned up. I heard the front door open and shut, but I assumed it was my father going out to buy more alcohol. I was nearly ready. My hair was still a mess though. I reached for my shirt when I heard a voice. "Dan? Dan--" She stood in the doorway and stared at me. I didn't know how to react, so I just stood there awkwardly with my shirt in my hand. "Uhmm..." She took a couple of tentative steps towards me, staring at the multitude of scars scattered around my upper body. She traced a particularly large scar on my chest with her finger, before her gaze moved towards a rather new cut I had. She looked at me. The expression on her face seemed to be a mixture of emotions. Her eyes seemed to be blazing with anger, but at the same time filled with tears of pity and sadness. "Daniel, you told me you stopped harming yourself..." I had told her I had stopped about 3 months ago, 1 year after she had found out and 5 years after I had started. It was obviously a lie. How could I stop? "I lied..." I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I stared at the floor, ashamed at myself for not telling her the truth. She stood there, about a foot away from me. I pulled the shirt on and looked at her. She stood there for a moment, thinking. Then all of a sudden her face started to crumple up, and she burst into tears. I pulled her into a hug and did my best to comfort her. I wasn't the best, but I wasn't as hopeless as I thought I would be. "Shhh, don't cry. What's the matter now?" I could barely understand her through the sobbing and mumbling. "I m-miss him a-a-already!" Eugh. Not Alex again. What did she see in him? For a moment I had thought that she cared about me. "It's alright. You deserve better than him anyway." "Are you k-kidding? H-he was the b-best th-thing that ever h-happened to me!" It carried on like this for a while. I would say something good about her and bad about Alex, and she would insist that Alex was too good for her. I eventually managed to get through, and she gave me a small tear-stained smile. She had completely soaked through my shirt. "Thanks Dan. You are such a great guy! Who knew a friend could be this nice?" Friend. The word being said to me by her felt like being stabbed in the chest. More specifically, the heart. "Yeah, friend..." I mumbled to myself. I looked outside my window. It had gotten quite dark. Becky got up and looked outside too. "It's getting late. I should get back home..." "Oh... Okay... I guess I won't see you till next week then." "Of course you will! I'll visit you everyday after school." She said with a grin. "Really? Thanks!" I couldn't conceal my happiness. Maybe she did care. I smiled, something I rarely did. I probably looked awful, since I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I just stood there awkwardly, my mouth curled up in my awful attempt of a grin. She got the umbrella out of her bag and passed it to me. "I believe this belongs to you." "Oh. Yeah. Thanks." I took the umbrella from her and looked at her face. She wasn't everyone's idea of beautiful, but to me she was as close to perfect as you can get. Her dark blue eyes were still red and puffy from crying, and her wavy sand coloured hair was a mess. She looked pretty awful, and I think she could tell. Her eyes shined with fresh tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. "Now why are you crying? It better not be Alex again." I didn't bother trying to hide my distaste for him. "No, it isn't Alex. I just look absolutely awful. I'm sure of it." She was crying... Because she thought she thought she was ugly? Oh hell no. That is not the Rebecca I fell in love with. "But Rebecca... It's just looks. Besides, you look beautiful! And anyway, since when do you care?" Hrmm. Maybe I worded that wrong. By that I meant the Rebecca I know, aka my Sunshine, wouldn't give a damn about how she looked. As long as her family, friends and (unfortunately) her boyfriend was happy, she was. "Since when do I care? Since when do I CARE!?" Yep, I definitely worded that wrong. She went off on a rant about how she has always cared, but I didn't hear a word of it. I was too taken aback at how much she had changed. Slowly, over the course of a year, the girl I loved had transformed into someone unrecognisable. And who had been the cause of all this? Alex. If Alex hadn't done this to her, she would be fine. She was still shouting. It didn't look like she was going to stop any time soon. I wondered how I could stop her. Shouting back? No, that would just create an argument. Hugging her? No, she would just shove me away. It might not be enough anyway. I had a thought. It was stupid really, but it could work. I had wanted to do this for years anyway. She was still yelling, when suddenly I leaned forward and kissed her. It wasn't very long, but it seemed to do the trick. She went completely silent. I stood there awkwardly, staring at my feet. When I eventually looked at her, I wasn't surprised. She was still silent, and her face had turned bright red. I could feel my face heating up, and I guessed I was blushing too. I was actually quite surprised that I'd done it. but now that I had, I felt terribly embarrassed. "Sorry. I... I didn't mean to--" I stuttered. "It's fine. Don't worry about it. I... I should go..." She mumbled quietly, before running off. I slumped against a wall, cursing myself. Why did I do that!? I'm going to regret this moment for the rest of my life. Not that I plan on it being very long.
OH MY GRAVY PLEASE KEEP WRITING I WANT TO REREAD THE WHOLE THING!!! THE LAST TIME I READ IT I REALLY CRIED!