I'm not a Vampire princess!! Chp. 1 My long ebony hair curls resting just above the end of my spine. My pale skin glistens in the moonlight as my full dark red lips curl into a smirk. My large piercing blue eyes lit up with glee, as I drop the man I was feeding from. My cold, thunderous voice rains down, "Rachel! Rachel, wake up! It's 6:40!" My voice turns into my dreadful stepmother's. "Urgh. Let me sleep..." I moan barely audible through my soft, comfy, pillow. "HA! You've slept enough, brat! Now get out of bed! And do something about your hair. It's absolutely revolting." She stalks out of the room. I wait a minute, wishing I could sink into my pillow. I sigh as I clamber off my bed, and open my closet. I pull out a black shirt with skulls entertwined with blood red roses. Looking through a pile of jeans I choose a pair of midnight blue skinny jeans. I walk to the bathroom and look at myself. I wish I could say I was as beautiful as dream me, but my hair is all over the place and I decide to just it into two 'gothic' pig tails. You know the kind. I settle for dark red lipstick, and smoky eyes... no blush. **** Ah, the bus. The large yellow disgusting limo that takes you to prison. God, I hate it. As I'm about to walk on the bus I hear a whine like an animal in pain. I walk towards the noise and the bus driver yells at me. I flip him the bird and he drives of. I find the source of the noise, it's a bat. A very large bat, that's a very dark black color. He doesn't seem to have any injuries. I pick him up and relies what's wrong. Burns. His entire back is burned. "Oh my god!" I run back to my house. Luckily my Step-***** Left for work already. I run to my room and set him on a blanket. Rushing to the bathroom I think. "What happened to him? How'd he get burned? That poor bat!" I grab a wet washcloth, some Aloe (probably won't be very useful) and run to my room. ****
Chp.2 As I walk in my room I scream. There lying on my bed is a man. No, he's not a man. He's a boy, my age or close to it. He has long black hair. His eyes are a bright crimson, and he's moaning. He's on my bed moaning, god it better be in pain or I'll make it pain. Wait... Burns. All over his back... OHMAHGAWD!!!!! *** "What are you?" I say softly getting my voice back. "In pain." He moans. "OH! R-right..." I grab the wash cloth and set it on one of the burns. "Th-that wont help." He growls. "What are you talking about? Of course it w-" I'm cut off by a pair of strong, cold, really cold, lips against mine. WHATTHE-RAPE-ARGAGAJSKSNSJKHDJ! He pulls away. "What. I. You. We. ARGH!" I yell and punch him on the head. "Ow! I-I'm sorry Madam! It's just that's the only way I could have been healed. See?" He shows where his burns once were. They were gone. ... ... "W-what are you?!" I scream terrified and unable to move. "Why Madam. I'm a vampire. Like you. By the way, Madam, my name is Castillo Knight."
I like it, but I'd recommend that you proof-read. I mean, even the title's spelt wrong... 'Im' should be I'm, and try to only use one exclamation mark (you've used two). That's only a small thing, but because it's your title it's more noticeable. Even if nothing else is, aim to have your title correct, aha. People usually judge a story based partly/mainly because of it's name. I like the vocabulary you use in your story though, and the beginning of it is really good. By the way, try to use a new line when a new person is talking. So it would be like: '"Rachel! Rachel, wake up! It's 6:40!" "Urgh. Let me sleep..."' (I cut out the non-dialogue parts because I couldn't be bothered to keep going back and checking so that I could copy it. Just imagine they're there. xD)
xD Haha, I actually kinda like this story. Just don't make it too cliché, and don't make her fall in love with him within like, a day. Well, it's your story, but stories which go like that are usually pretty blah. x3