Do you like jokes? Do you laugh at your own jokes? I sure as hell do. I'm funny af. Anyways, racist jokes, sexist jokes, corny jokes, you like? I like a lot. Corny jokes are probably my favorite. If you can tell me a funny corny joke I'll probably purr like a kitty and become your slave for eternity. Why I posted this? No idea, just wanted to share my love for jokes. Maybe I'll post some, maybe you will post some. I don't care the type, if its funny its funny, this is why I love my sense of humor. :]
This one is kinda old but i find it funny lol A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, "Doc, what happened to my baby!" The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother named the children for you." "Oh, no!" shrieked the woman. "Not my brother! He's not really all together, if you know what I mean!" The doctor replied, "Well, ma'am, your brother named your daughter Denise." "Oh, that's no so bad," smiled the woman. Then, hesitantly, she asked, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor grinned and said, "Denephew."
This is one of my all time favorites. Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
Wow Tl;dr all the way. I'll read them in a bit lol. Here's mine. Don't be afraid of a woman with a knife. If a woman pulls a knife on you just pull out bread and mayo, her womanly instincts will kick in and begin to make you a sandwich.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Why does it take a MILLION sperms to Fertilize One Egg? 1) Female Ego Rejection without Reason! 2) Male Ego Won't Ask For Direction