Words on a screen

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by WickedIceQueen, Feb 19, 2014.

  1. So, I wrote this back in summer of 2013. I wrote this little song/poem for one of my characters in a story of mine.
    I'm planning on doing this piece at my first ever Spoken Word at my high school and I was hoping for some feedback on this. 
    Thank you in advance 

    Here's the piece 




    Can someone please tell me how something like this could happen
    How one can go from loving one only for it to never really happen
    Feelings are there but you aren't here and I'm a complete mess
    I'm tired of trying and done with all these tests

    Please tell me why you left me so quickly
    I beg of you to answer me honestly
    Explain the curse you left
    And I'll leave you like you did with the rest

    I don't understand your empty smiles
    I don't get your empty hugs
    I don't get your little lies
    Please tell me what I've done

    I've loved you for as long as I can remember
    Your dimpled smiles, crooked eyes, and your spiky hair
    Are all what I've come to adore in the time that we shared

    So tell me why something like this could happen
    How you loved me only to leave and love another
    My feelings are there but where are yours?
    Am I that easily forgotten?
    We were never together but it felt as if were,
    I gave you my heart and I gave you mine only for it to be shattered

    I'm tired of trying and done with all these tests
    So I'll tell you
    I've loved you for as long as I can remember
    I wish upon stars that you will someday too
    Even though I know, you never will
    But hope is something that I cling to

    So, tell me, how can you go from loving me to loving another?
    I gave you my heart and hoped for the best even though it was broken
    I wished that you would fix it
    But the only thing you ever did was love me and break it

    So,
    Tell me,
    How can you go from loving me to loving another?
    I gave you my heart and it's still not mine
    But yours to keep instead

    I'm broken by all these things
    So lost and confused
    I'll love you again but that's not right
    So I'll just shed my tears into these cold lonely nights
    Only to wish that you were still here,
    Saying, "you're mine."
     
  2. Where's the TL;DR version?
     
  3. There isn't one ?
    It's not even that long, short stuff. 
     
  4.  I will read it soon.
     
  5. Sometimes i can read them. But this one is just Pure crap
     
  6. I got the power ?
     
  7. What else do you expect from a socially awkward teenager?
    We're all full of 
     
  8. Glad you admitted you was socially awkward
     
  9. Better I accept my flaws than look dumber than usual 
     
  10. Flaws are a matter of perspective.. If one takes a gander at-

    OMG DIS SO KOOT

    [​IMG]
     
  11. Is it a song? Did you write music for it and stuff?