So, you're about to become a dad for the first time, huh? Well, you've really stuffed up. But this guide is here to solve all that in a few simple steps and stages. Get out your own and paper guys, you're gonna need to take notes. Stage 1 - The end An ironic title to open with, but this is a very serious stage in your path to fatherfood. This is where you've got to admit to your parents how youve messes up and you need to take responsibility. Its the honourable thing to do right? Wrong. You need to lie. Lie until your parents are so confused they don't know what to do with you. Here are a few tips to get you through this -ive never met this girl in my life -that cant possibly be my baby because I'm impotent -im not attracted to women so that baby isn't mine -she must have stolen my reproductive organs somehow If these fail, run. Run until your feet bleed. It should give you some time to practice the dreaded.... State 2 - dealing with it all This stage involves a bit of witchcraft and sorcery so hold on tight. You've stuffed up, but it isnt too late to fix it. Here's what you need to do. Get a hold of a roll of dust tape, and close off the entrance for the baby. Now, the baby momma might swuirm and object, but I assure you, that duct tape is the only way to solve this. Duct tape that thing shut. That baby cannot come out!!!!! If this step fails. All hope is lost and its time to prepare for state 3 Stage 3 - the beginning Your baby momma is in labour. She's shouting. And screaming. And inI pain. That baby is coming. Its not yet too late. Follow my 4 step programme to and things once and for all Step 1 - grab some latex gloves and baby oil Step 2 - assist the doctors in the deliverance Step 3 - when the doctor turns around, pop that sucker back up where he came from and dontdon't stop pushing until he's stuck in there Step 4 - repeat steps 1 through 3, he will not stay up there the first time, but by the grace of god and a roll of duct tape (a gift from heaven) he will learn not to stick his wet head out here again, HA! Stage 4 - the acceptance The is the final stage of the process and the easiest I assure you. You should be released from jail by now do performing stage 3 so listen closely to my words. That baby is out and its not going back in there. The baby momma needs a home and food and love and the kids just cries and pops and eats. Its too much for one man to handle. So I suppose it's time to accept the matter. You need to kill yourself. Its a last resort to the sinking ship. You need to get off while you still can. Only then will you be at harmony. I hope my useless guidegood helps all you simple guys out there. Take care P.s this guide is for first timers only. If youve jacked up a decond time my methods do not work and the baby momma will be infuriated by that duct tape. Stay away from the duct tape
Jokes about doing terrible things to babies and killing yourself in the same post. You must be new here.
This has got to be the DUMBEST thread I've ever read on here, and I've read A LOT of stupid shit. OP quit while your ahead and stay out of forums. Loser
You say a roll of duct tape is a "gift from heaven"........perhaps a greater gift to us all would be if you chose to never post in forums again