Zombie Story

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Zeldaplayer72, Jan 29, 2014.

  1. Hello, this is my first ever forum post, so please no hate!
    I love to write stories and I love zombie movies (you know where this is going)
    Enough delay, let's get started!

    "Um, Sir, Where the hell are we going?" Alexa asked, clutching her seat in the swerving car.
    "We're going to the Empire State Building." Daryl replied, determined on keeping him and his Second in Command safe from harm. You see, the apocalypse happened and the Resistance were prepared.
    The Resistance were a worldwide organisation that focused on natural disasters and preventing them. Daryl is the leader of the New York regiment but we're going off topic.

    They arrived at the Empire State.
    "I'll cover us." Alexa said, carrying dual pistols.
    "Thanks." Daryl smiled "We're in."
     
  2. Say if you want more! 
     
  3. Please dont take this the wrong way, not saying I dont like it but heres a few tips...

    Check your grammar

    Theres no need to explain stuff suddenly, it kind of takes away the suspense if you start in the middle of the characters doing something like you did. Either start with a quick opener stating whats going on, or just write and have flashbacks or some character inside the story explain it to someone,

    Ex: Shopkeeper: You DO know about the incident yes?

    Shopper: Aye, I remember the great fruit death like it was yesterday... Many fruits suddenly became poisonous for no apparent reason at all.. It was believed that McDonalds was behind it... But nothing could be proven...

    Or-

    As Bob wiped down his counter, he began to reminisce about the days before the great ban... Back when he was happy...

    One hour earlier-

    Bob laughed with his arm wrapped around his wife as they watched their children put on a show for them. "Who wants to go out and get some Hot Chocolate?" Bob said as he stood up. As his children and wife went off to get ready Bob grabbed his keys, put on his coat and walked outside to go warm up the car.....
    But then his house exploded and pamphlets rained from the sky as the military jet flew over... A pamphlet landed in front of bob as he cried out in pain and sorrow. When he stopped crying enough to read the pamphlet he found that it said "Hot chocolate is banned.. B****!"
     
  4. that's a bypass
     
  5. I haven't taken it the wrong way, I'm gonna plan and plan until it's absolutely right and THEN post it