So it's almost 5 am and looking through active topics recently I've come across some stories I really like, unfortunately though my biggest pet peeve are that some of them are left unfinished and I'm like damn you give me more! So after viewing these stories...I decided to try my hand. It probably sucks and it's just a beginning...but if anyone has any suggestions or critic it's welcomed ️ -----------——• Rousing slowly she opens her eyes, inspecting the pristine white room she's been confined to. Sitting up slowly she goes go run her hand through her sleep tossed hair and lets out a sharp yelp of pain, her hand finding bandages instead of hair. She smirks and says "well this is an interesting development." Her eyes however giving away her confusion. Taking in her surroundings, the white padded floor, the door with no handle, and the only other thing in the room, the bed on which she's positioned, she starts to chew on a fingernail nervously...realizing slowly that something is very very wrong. She's lost in her thoughts, until a voice booms over a speaker. She jumps startled, the voice laughing while she recovers. "Test Subject 486 I have grand hopes for you that you will give us some insight! Be prepared, everything about you will be inspected and laid open, don't worry though there shall be...some well...activities I guess I'll call them to make this a tad less boring for you. Oh and if you're worrying about your head, don't worry, you failed in your attempt. You did however clear off some of the top of the skin of your skull. We are happy you failed though! It's not every day we see a subject so...well perfect for our testing. We shall begin later today. For now eat, a sandwich will be slid through the slot shortly."
yeah it's really that bad isn't it? _________ Walk of shame least I'm still good at twerking
I can't make you VIP with the 13 bill I have out. Maybe after I hit Top 50 Tb, I'll get you on top 50 priced Jo.
I noticed several grammar mistakes, lack of commas and fragments. Also, when the dialogue tag is in front of the dialogue, it should be written like this: She says, "Well, this is an interesting development." In the very beginning the girl wakes up and it seems as if she doesn't know where she is. She doesn't know how or how badly she's been hurt, or even who put the bandages on her head, so it seems like she'd be anxious at the very least. Yet she reacts very calmly and even smirks. Then the next sentence immediately says that she's confused. It seems a little unrealistic to say that her emotions switch so drastically like that, especially given the scenario she's in and the fact that no one is in the room to potentially see her weakness. Aside from those few things, I really like this and I think it's really interesting. I can't wait to read more.
I don't think it's unrealistic for moods to change so quickly. I know of someone who can laugh with you one minute and the next minute is all she wrote
Hmmm good advice although there's a reason she reacted like that. Lol it'll be revealed if I continue the story...
And also as for sentence fragments and things of that nature, I like to write in a certain way. Always have. It's what fits me and what my style of writing just is. <~~wouldn't be me without it. But thank you for the commentary guys.