Terrible Jokes. 

I named my cat Honey, so when I get home I can shout "Honey, I'm home!"
Then I cry for 20 minutes because my life is one pathetic joke.


My son came up to me one day and said "Dad, Im gay, do you still love me?"
"Dont be silly," I replied, "you were an accident, we never loved you."

 

Hire me. I'm new

 

A school bus.. In it is the bus driver a math teacher, a science professor and a student.. Suddenly on the road they had an accident and all of them died.. At the purgatory satan is at the door blocking the way to heaven.. Saying only those whom I cannot answer their questions can go to heaven because only few spaces are left.. Those whom I can answer their questions will come to hell.. Then the math teacher first questioned a hard mathematical equation but satan answered it correctly.. The math teacher was automatically dragged into hell.. The next one to question was the science professor asking where did humans came from.. But satan also answered correctly.. Next was the bus driver and satan again answered correctly.. Then satan said your the last one kid make it quick.. The student replied: give me a chair then make eight holes in it.. Satan laughed and said: you?! Ordering me?! Well okay since this is your last.. So satan got a chair with eight holes in it and gave to the student.. Then the student sat on the chair and farted.. Saying: at which hole did my fart first got out? Satan was confused.. Thinking for 10 minutes and answered: Aha! The seventh hole.. The student replied: wrong!! And satan said: then the second hole.. The student again replied: wrong!! Satan was really confused and asked: so where did it got out first?.. The student replied: in my ARSE you DUMB FCK!! So then the student entered heaven..

Stupid SATAN..

 

I think most of you are missing the point of this thread.

 

How do you make Lady Gaga cry? You Poker face. 

Now that's terrible.

 

Present, pasT and Future went in a bar. They were all tense. :3

 

Jopo's are hilarious

 

2 blondes walk into a bar. The third one ducks

 

one little piggy..

The End.

 

My face.

 

^

 

A baby seal walks into a club

 

Why did the little boy drop how ice cream?


He was hit by a bus

 

How do you get a clown out of a swing?

Hit him in the face with an axe.

 

I tried to snort Coke today, but the ice cubes blocked my nostrils 'Ba-dum Tsh' 

 

You're terrible. Eat a chicken.

 

Fat is my ass.

 

Why did jimmy fall off the swing?
He had no arms.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not jimmy.

 

Police man catches a guy in the bathroom with some cocaine


Guy: man, everytime I try flushing these down the toilet it always appears in my pocket right after I flush it.

Cop: I don't believe you

Guy: I can prove it to you! It really reappears in my pocket everytime!

Cop: okay then, prove it

Guy flushes the drugs down the toilet

Cop: haha, now show me the drugs, reach into your pocket


Guy: what drugs?