Raven stormed across the room slamming her apartment door behind her. She was sick of this daily routine. It had been four years since she joined the force and she was really tired of it all. The jokes , the harassment , the abuse. She couldn't transfer because she would lose respect and she was positive with all the other stories about female cops floating around it would be the same story all over again. Raven walked over to the armchair by her window and sunked in. She rubbed her temples and looked at the empty bottles of jack and henny on her bar. She thought long and hard as she started until she finally gave in. "Pssh he'll there is always tomorrow" she said as she poured herself a glass of some scotch. Raven dragged her feet walking to the bathroom. She put her glass down and undressed.she started to Unwrap her long black hair from its bun when she looked up. Her once youthful and pretty face was now hardened from all the things she had seen. She matured so much that it hurt . To be continued....
Turning around she turned on the bath and put the plug in. She watched the water run as she grabbed her drink and guzzled it down. It burned as it went down but she just sighed. As the water started to rise she slowly dipped her feet into the hot steam of relaxation. She couldn't stop thinking about how warped the situation had become. She sank deeper into the water until she was completely under. Since she was a kid she would test how long she could hold her breath under water. She could go under for about two minutes . It was most likely a few seconds more but she was tired. As she gasped out of water she jumped out the tub and grabbed her gun from under the tub. "Nice!!!" Her best friend Devon exclaimed with much appreciation in his eyes " get the hell out Devon!!!" Raven yelled as she put her gun down and tried to cover herself. Devon knew once raven was pissed he should get away so he ran out the bathroom and went to the living room. He smirked to himself as he pictured her body again. Just as he was starting to get more comfortable with his thoughts raven came out in her pjs , wet hair flying and slapped him in the face. "Don't you ever do that again" she strained through gritted teeth " that was embarrassing" Devon hugged his cheek where she had slapped him " oh I will never do that again ...unless you want me to"
Raven stared at him until he squirmed uncomfortably. "Alright Rae , what's wrong now?" He asked her trying to gain his manhood back " why do you assume something is wrong all the time" she said as she sat on the couch across from him " have you eaten?" Devon smirked again. He knew when raven answered his questions with another question it was because she was stressed out about something. He didn't blame her for being so stressed. She was working in a crappy field. He never thought she would become a cop and now that she was about to pick up as a detective he knew it would only get worse. However, he couldn't tell her what to do with her life. All he could do was offer her some advice and be someone for her to lean on. Even if she was oblivious of how he felt for her sometimes. Raven and Devon had literally known each other their entire life. Growing up In the same block, same schools and social gatherings they became inseparable. There was a time he thought they would get married ....as did everyone else. Raven however changed and went a much darker path.
Be careful with spelling/grammar/capitalization/punctuation. There's some mistakes, so I would recommend proofreading. It's interesting so far. Devon seems really annoying.?
I just said I was on an iPad. I also write these up on the spot when I'm tired after work so I'm sorry if there are mistakes but ain't nobody got time for that.
" no , I haven't eaten Rae " Devon answered picking lint off his shirt. He looked up and saw raven reaching for the phone. "Chinese or pizza?" She asked picking up the phone. " I'm in a pizza kind of mood " Devon replied. He grabbed the remote as she nodded her head and called the pizza shop. He turned on the tv and hooked it up to netflix. They were obsessed with scandal. Raven smiled as she hung up and walked over to grab some wine. She needed this wind down time and Devon knew it. She was just glad he stopped asking her questions and was doing his duty of being a best friend. She loved Devon to death and didn't know what she would do with out him. He was there for everything...even the bad. She shook her head trying to shake the memories out of her head. She didn't want to go back there. At least not today. Devon laid down on the couch and patted the couch so that Raven could lay next to him. She rested her head on his arms and he out his arm around her stomach bringing her in closer. Devon was going a bit crazy in his head. He couldn't understand how raven couldn't sense how much he cared and wanted her. She was perfect. Her long wavy jet black hair , her green eyes, fair skin and those full pink lips that could keep any man up at night. Her body was amazing as he pleasantly remembered earlier. She was fit and toned but with curves and meat in the right places. He leaned over and kissed her head and sensed her smile. "Thank you Devon for not giving me crap" she said and squeezed his hand. " you know I would do anything for you. It's my job sometimes to be harsh. It's my way of bringing you back to reality. You know this man" he laughed. Raven laughed as well when the doorbell rang. " oh, the pizza is here" she said getting up. As she was reaching the door she sensed something wasn't right. She had called the pizza shop ten minutes ago. They couldn't be here already. Devon saw her stop and watched as she slowly turned around and grabbed her gun. She put a finger to her lip and whispered "shh". He nodded and moved towards the kitchen hiding by the fridge. As raven was about to go near the door. It was kicked open and four men dressed all in black came in. Everything happened so fast as raven automatically went into cop mode. She dodged the first bullet as it was fired and grabbed the intruders wrist twisting it back. He screamed as he released the gun and fell to one knee. She brought her knee in and hit him in the face where he instantly knocked out. Devon was fighting the last guy who had came in. He was pretty good with knives. He had grabbed her butcher knife and was cutting the guy. The guy was so frustrated he tried to run at Devon but Devon dodged him. The guy ran into the fridge and knocked out. She ran towards the next guy but he was fast and punched her in the face. She felt the blood form in her mouth. Anger rose in her as she brought her arm down on his shoulder and pulled his arm back. He bent forward yelling in pain trying to hit her with his free arm. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her hard to the floor. She struggled with him as he got on top of her and started to choke her. She was scratching at his face while fighting for air when Devon knocked the guy over the head with a skillet. The mans eyes rolled back and he fell limp on top of her. The last guy started to run out of the apartment but raven was pissed. She grabbed the skillet and threw it at the guys head. He fell and didn't get back up. Raven leaned against the couch trying to catch her breath. Devon stared at her afn then finally spoke " what the hell raven!" Raven stared at Devon and then saw something on the culprits hand. She got down on her knees and saw a snake wrapped around a cross. She sighed as she realized work followed her home. " they are working for the guy I have a case on " she finally said. Just then the pizza guy walked in " I guess this is a bad time for pizza huh" Devon said laughing.
You don't have to get mad. There are a bunch of capitalization/punctuation/spelling/grammar mistakes, and everyone who comments about them is just trying to help you. Most writers would be grateful for advice -- or they would at least thank the critics even if they weren't planning on changing. Everyone can get better.
Hey you don't have to think that way. The story is good and most people who are commenting like it. It's all constructive critcism. You can either take it in a good way or ignore it. But people are commenting because they like it. So like fallen said, no need to get mad. Rest is up to you.
Let me repeat myself ... I am writing on an iPad that has auto correct. I clearly explained that twice. Yes at first it was fine that people are telling me I have errors. However, it gets annoying after awhile. I also explained that I'm tired after work when I write these. I'm sorry if I can't spot the errors right away. You guys also need to understand that writers have a thing called editors. I don't have one of those special people because obviously I'm not an author lol. I'm sorry I got upset but as I said it's annoying. I'm from New York . I have a short temper and I'm stressed out. I'm writing as a sort of therapy. You think it's working for me when people are being grammar nazis. I think not.
Ok I read it again and the only errors I found were because of auto correct ( changing my words and spelling ). As for the capitals , I don't see where I messed up. I would like for someone to point out my grammar and punctuation mistakes. I really can't see it. ?