I never I never meant it to be like this. Hands shake. Saying dear seems wrong. Who even writes letters anymore. Oh. Hah. Right. I really, I just didn't. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't. Remember that we were eleven, and we tried to run away? And then... fingers hurt. Head hurts. Tell my parents I'm sorry. Can you do that for me? I know...that this will be hard. I know you think I'm selfish, pause to ponder this, yeah, that's what he'd think. you're not wrong. This is the first time. I'm doing something for, Who, John, who? myself. For...for myself. I'm...I'm not proud. Of this. But. you don't know, I leave everything to you. You already have it anyways. cheeky, aren't we? You have. All of it. you close your eyes. Pencil down. The glint of the gun is burned into your mind. Last thing you'll see. You can picture your mom's face. Barrel in your mouth. Pressed against your delicate skin. It stretches your jaw a little. Your teeth touch it. Eyes closed again. Your right hand trembles, click off the safety. Sit rigidly in chair. You're doing this, for you. Finger slides on trigger. You checked, and then rechecked, and ten checked again to make sure it's loaded. Your heart beats erratically. Unafraid. Coward. The voices whisper, gently prodding your finger. Tears in your eyes, barrel digs in, pull the trigger, like the moon pulls in the tide. The bullet slices into flesh, blood gushing. Shot rings in your ear. Last thing ever. You're not a hero. You were never a hero.
Or just to get thoughts past without too many words, because I usually think in fragments when examining something, say a tree, I go by word association, so; Bark. Wood. Leaves. Green. Alive. Life under bark. Worms. Squirmy things. Cute. A little gross. Tree. Shade? Maybe. Sun position? Yeah. Shade. Good. Book place. Quiet enough. Safe enough. Dirt. Grass. Nature. Nice. Lovely day. Lovelier book. I added a little story too ,_, do that too much.
Lol, I wasn't talking about the fragments, although there are a lot. I like those actually. They make the story seem more intense and whatnot. I was talking about the capitalization
oH well yeah. I just kind of three this together if I care a lot about it I'll usually run it through Roy a couple of times he's my editor basically.