---- "I can't do it, I just can't. I'm sorry but it's too hard..." the girl cried into her pillow. "I'm always here, if you need anyone, you know that, and Jim, he'll be there for you no matter what," her sister whispered, making sure their mother doesn't hear. She thought of the good times she had and also, thought of the new people she had met. They were happy, they went through horrible things but they got up every morning and keep living life. "Why can't I do that?? Why me, of all people?!" she asked herself over and over again. "What really ticked you off this time?" her sister asked nervously. "Well, I was ju-," the girl started, wiping her tears with the pillow case. "That pillow is soaked," her sister butted in, laughing softly. "And so what? Do you wanna hear it or not?" she snapped, giving her "the look*", slowly sitting up. "Of course I do but Jean, look at yourself. You're a mess, you let one little small thing get you off track and you didn't care, you let yourself hit rock bottom... again," her sister mumbled, not sure if it was the right time to admit to her how it all looked. "You don't know what it fe-," Jean explained, but got cut off as usual. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know how it feels, I don't know what it's like, I don't know this and I don't know that, but you know what? I have a clue on how it feels. You're my sister for f*ck's sake, how do you think it feels to watch you like this?" her sister spat at her. She saw Jean's expression and realized she went too far. She reached out her hand, as if to apologize. Jean, angry and hurt, pushed her off her bed. "You know what? I am your sister and YOUR OLDER SISTER, at that. So why don't you just go away, I don't need you, nobody needs you, you brat!" Jean yelled through the tears. Nobody said a thing, they both knew they went too far. Silence filled the room for what seemed like forever. Their cold glares spoke for them until Jean's sister thought it best to leave... "Jean, it's your choice, try to live your life again like you used to or slowly kill yourself this way," her sister shot back, coldly, walking out of their room, not even looking back. ----- Jean got up and got dressed. She was thinking again, the memory playing back in her head, she didn't try to stop it this time. She was numb, she didn't know where else to go, she was lost. She took her phone out and called Addie... Jean: Hey Addie: Hey, what's popping? Jean: Nothin' ... do you remember when... Addie: When... what? Jean: You said you wanted to smoke ... together? ... That's what I need Addie: Yeah? well Damn! Been time! so come over then we could go somewhere.. Jean: Mmk, bye. She took a deep breath, sliding her phone back into her back pocket. "This is what you need" she kept convincing herself. She bolted out the door, started running, it felt like she had no time left. She kept running til she was at Addie's house... The unexpected hit her as she walked in the front door... *** *the look: the "don't-mess-with-me-right-now look