Hello all. As some of you know, I love to write. And draw. Or do anything creative with my hands. So, yes, this will be a long thread. Either hit that back button now, or skip to the end. Anyways, I was going to write an epic story about the clubs Ascension, BCS, RS and possibly playmates, I decided against it. Why? Because I knew nothing about BCS and RS and didn't know who resided in each club. So I didn't want to offend anyone so I scrapped the idea. But having finished reading a good book recently, it inspired me to wrote something. And I wanted to share with you what I had so far. For support. I was going to start with Fan Fiction, but with all their rp going on there, I hardly thought that criticism there wouldn't get my writing anywhere in the world. So on with what have, here it is, I hope I get support for this. ------------------------------- Tick, tock. Tick, tock. As Alex listened to the steady ticking of the clock, he glances towards. The clock read 9:32 at night. He sighed and pulled the blankets closer to his chin, in hopes of drifting off to sleep. But for an unknown reason, he had a terrible feeling that some unpleasant was about to happen. It nagged him until he finally fell asleep. Bang. Jolting awake, Alex looks at the clock. 11:46pm "Really?" Alex scowled. "what in earth are the neighbors doing at this hour, having a door slamming contest?" Annoyed in having been woken up in the middle of the night, Alex got up and decided to get a drink of water. Upon reaching the bedroom door, he opened it and gasped. A woman stood blocking his way, wielding a pistol aimed straight at his head, asked, "Any last words?" Realizing he held his breath, he drew it out and said yes. The woman waited until he pleaded for his life. Instead, Alex , with a calm voice, closed his eyes and said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." And braced himself. With what seemed like forever, he finally opened his eyes. The woman, who looked slightly older than he was, had lowered her weapon and had asked, "What is your sin?" Feeling ashamed, Alex replied, "I cannot say." And looked away. "I see" said the woman as she nodded slowly. She turned and disappeared. ------------------------------- That's all I have so far. Proof: If you decided to skip to the end instead of actually reading the thread, at least comment on this picture I drew: Took me two nights to draw it. Last thing I wanna say, you look lovely wearing that shirt. It brings out your magnificent mustache.
First off, fan fiction isn't just rp rp rp and no good writers. Some still lurk there. And secondly, not a bad start. Be careful to check your tenses, because you switch between past and present. Proofreading can help that -- it also helps those little spelling/grammar/punctuation/capitalization errors. I would also suggest adding a bit of suspense and detail into your writing, to make it more of that supposed "movie in your head". It's not bad so far. Keep writing!
As Alex listened to the steady ticking of the clock, he glances towards. The clock read 9:32 at night. He sighed and pulled the blankets closer to his chin, in hopes of drifting off to sleep. But for an unknown reason, he had a terrible feeling that some unpleasant was about to happen. It nagged him until he finally fell asleep. ----------------Suggested Edits--------------- Tick tock tick-- Alex glanced up at his clock: 9:32 PM. He sighed and tugged at his blanket. Each time he felt the pull of sleep, a feeling crept along his skin like roaming ants. Something was about to happen. Something unpleasant. ---------- This is just to tighten and add a simile to help heighten a dreamlike tone. Try and pare down your use of modifiers and use verbs as the power in a descriptive sentence. For instance, why run clumsily when you can stumble instead?
All suggestions are noted as this will only be a draft until it is finished. I sincerely thank you all who help either by supporting or by making some fixes.