Its just the fact that its a bit soon- he comes out like immediately. Idk. I feel like before there'a a person there's the I'M GAY thing that makes up for the fact that the character is barely developed.
Intelligence, he doesnt just say, OK I DECIDED IM GAY! He says he has felt it for a time, and after some more time he decided that he might be gay, but the story skips all that though still explaining he thought he might be gay, the writer just decided to get ahead to the part where he admits it
Can we please not fight on Eli's thread Rhy and Ben, they're not trying to intentionally insult Eli's story or anything. They're right -- it might be a bit rushed, but nothing that makes the story bad or anything. I'm sure Eli would be happy for the criticism (if she ever comes on again). Everyone's entitled to their opinion, and they're not trying to be disrespectful or anything of the sort. They're just trying to help her improve.
Critique is critique. Public forum and all that jazz.... And please, don't get too angry. It only makes you look like a fool.
EVERYONE, I'm sorry okay if it seems to be rushed... but it's just the first chap. Do you really think I would've rushed In Case with that kiss? It was a bet — and now I'm telling this because I'm done with that story. Btw, Nathan dies. He went to war! Sorry. And for this book. The first chapter might appear to be rushed, but it's not. Thank you for the criticisms, and the comments. Sorry if I'm late again. But Im very much working on my new chapter. I appreciate it. And I'm not mad. And geeeee guys. Just wait, 'cause I'm seeing a shrink and a "spiritual" counselor. Talking the gay out of me. It's funny, but I'm gonna have to endure it. Ehmergerd. Hahahaha! Updating soon. Hopefully.
"You are?" He asked breathlessly. Silence. My heart was pounding against my chest. I grinned widely and smacked his arm. "No!" I faked a genuine laugh which was really hard to do. He cracked a grin and laughed with me. "You know I wouldn't mind if ever you are one." I nodded. "I know." "Anyway, what's really up with you?" "Mum and mama are fighting again," I smiled sadly. It was actually true. I've been a little bit dysfunctional since my mum and my ma are fighting, and ma has been out of the house for a day already. "Do you know the reason?" "Mum thinks ma's cheating on her," I paused and sighed. "With a guy." Owen's smile faded and then he bent his head down. "Your mum's assumptions are never wrong, Cole." "I know," I said. "And we all know Ianna's bi," he stated saying my ma's name. "I know," I repeated. "Maybe Holly's right," he said sadly. "I know." He smiled sadly and placed his arm around my shoulder. It was hard to look calm, but I did it anyway. Afterall, I'm the king of feigning emotions, aren't I? "You sleeping over tonight?" He asked, removing his arm. "Nah, can't." "Oh c'mon! Ever since the first Friday since summer started, you haven't slept over!" Yeah, 'cause that's when I first started having this annoying fluttery feelings. "Been busy." "Summer?" "You know mum always needs me every summer." "But last year you still had time," he pouted. I gulped silently. Running out of reasons. But before I knew it I uttered the words he has waited to hear. "I'm dating someone." Really hoping my imaginary date's YOU. His eyes widened and his smile broadened. His brown eyes sparkled even more. "Who is it huh? So you've finally settled down?" He winked. "I'm dating, Owen... not in a relationship." I grumbled. "Oh gee! Dating leads to relationships. So... is she good in bed?" I laughed. "Like a tiger." Because from what I've heard, he was like a tiger in bed. "Ooooh, wild." He paused and smirked. "Like me." I blushed, but glad that the darkness covered it. "I wonder what would happen if a tiger and a tiger would do it..." he trailed. "Feisty, wild, hot, and mindblowing, I'm guessing." "Right!" He smirked. I chuckled, ignoring the pain in my heart. "Anyway, I have to meet that girl soon." "Sure, sure." "So it's ten..." he raised his eyebrows as he looked at his watch. "Shit!" I exclaimed. "I gotta go," I said in a rush. I was supposed to be home an hour ago. "Do you want me to drive you home, man?" "Thanks, Owen. But I'll be fine myself." "You didn't bring your car!" "I'm gonna run." "You sure?" "Yeah. It serves as practice too." "Alright then," he said worriedly, backing out from his suggestion, 'cause he knows how much I don't want to be pampered. "Bye. See you tomorrow." I opened my arms and hugged him brotherly. I felt my tummy tingle and my heart juggle. I pulled away and gave him a genuine smile. "Bye Owen!" "Love you, Bro!" He smirked as I began running from him. "Likewise!" More than you'll ever know. As I turned another block, away from his sight. I sighed and broke down, my breathing heavy. "Shit... I really do love you, Owen." I stood straight and shook my head. I looked up to the sky and sighed. "I love him."
I liked that. A lot more than the first part. Interested to see where it goes from here, and glad you aren't mad.