A few of you (Dike, Pearl especially) have pushed me to share some of my work here. This is a poem/short story that I wrote this morning: When your still dreaming eyes Are gauzed over and orange With the sandman's promise This time will be even better Reach over him and take The half empty bottle And drink it down The sun's not awake yet, baby But you can't stay still There's an anthill in your mind Millions of little black Distracting things Red wine from three years ago You dropped it when he kissed you A button from your blouse Is still hiding somewhere The stink of stale ashtray Dust on the ceiling fan Every sound he makes is A good and bad memory Siamese and sticky There's nothing in the world worth Thinking about at 3 AM Maybe just the taste Of your last cigarette But baby, you look beautiful Beautiful in the dark You look expensive next To that empty bottle The clouds cover you They have their own promises: This time will be even better You resist the urge To put your cigarette out On his chest You get up To make coffee I'll post more on occasion maybe. No promises
? I love it, Ninja! I love the tempo.. And I love that it made me feel like a speck of dust floating around on a quiet, hungover Sunday afternoon ?
I LOVE YOUR WORK AND IM SO GLAD I BEGGED YOU TO POST? I love the atmosphere you set, and again, I must applause the literary devices you use: allusion, alliteration, and use of motif, just to name a few! #DatImagery the contrast of a hectic scene and a calm setting is portrayed very well, with your use of metaphorsorry, I always end up evaluating your work, like an essay. The sibilance sounds actually really help the flow of the piece, I likey can you post another poem here, right nowwww
"In the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime. It's the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it's the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; it's the legroom for the lies you'll tell yourself in the future." Great poetry Eric, i would love to see more..i was inspired to post mine on your thread lol. :*