Chasing Elysium “It does not do to dwell in dreams and wishes and forget to live.” -Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone Dreams are make believe things that we make inside our head. Sometimes, dreaming is better than living and its okay because dreams are made to escape reality. It is when a person decides what he could be, what he expects he should be and what he would be. Everyone dreams and as they say, the bigger your dreams are, the better. If you aren't challenged or scared of with your dreams, then you might as well not dream at all. Dreaming is when you ultimately write your story, this is the part where you've decided what role you wanted to play not only in your story but to other's as well. You should dream of owning the oceans rather than dream of being a fisherman; dream of reaching the skies rather than being a pilot. Dream of being an astronaut or a fairy or Santa Claus because it's your dream and you have all the rights to do what you want. Viewing yourself 10 years from now, I'm pretty sure all of us longed for having a good life; the luxuries we never really had when we were still a kid; the freedom of wasting your own money, basically living the life of someone out from the movies. Dreaming for me is like writing a story which was stuck in my mind for a long time. The story was perfect in my head, much like dreaming and when I'm writing it down, it just flowed in the air; gone. The original plot was replaced with tons of tons of ideas that I cannot keep up anymore so I was forced to do another story and abandon the first one. It's like dreaming, you have this one dream you wanted to chase but when you're there running to it, you just stop and started asking 'what if?' Now you're side-tracked, leaving your dream alone and started looking for another one those which suites you best. I have a theory that in order for you to really catch your dreams, you should live the dream itself. If you wanted to be a singer, then sing; if you wanted to be rich then start saving money and waste it all in one day; if you wanted to be an awesome rock star then start shouting rather than talking. I hope you're getting my point because I am running out of metaphors. Dreaming is not for the fainthearted. Dreaming is for those people who dare to make it come true. We were all born with the magic to be who we wanted to be. So let us cast that magic spell and start making our dreams into reality. I'm not telling you that it would be easy but I'm telling you this, it will be well-worth it. When I was a kid, we moved from place to place. It wasn't fun because I never really remember anything from the time I was in a different house. I just wished that I did something awesome and cool in that house; I prayed that I made memories worth looking back for. This is the thing with me, I wanted everything to be remembered, I want everyone to see what I saw, hear what I heard and feel what I felt because it feels great to make a memory with people around you. I wanted it stored in a jar or something. Having this trait, sometimes I deeply regret everything I did in my past life. I was never the fan of the quote, YOLO. I turned everything down from being an elected officer of the student body because I feel simply useless, I turned down to competes with other journalists because I just feel that I'm not good enough. I turned down every chance I got to prove myself and I regret it every second of the day. This is the thing about me, I have zero self-esteem. And because my self-esteem walked away from me a long time ago, I have no sense of direction (not literally). I am currently in the phase of “what-should-I-do-with-my-life.” I never really know what I'm good at, what my skills are, what are my weaknesses and strengths and because of that, I am lost in the sea of helplessness and endless possibilities. And I am scared.
When I was a small kid, I dreamed of flying with Peter Pan. Then I realized what a dumb dream it was so I decided that I would be Peter Pan himself. Then I realized he was a boy so I switched to Wendy instead. This is what makes a dream special, the impossibility of it. I mean, why would you dream of being a follower if you can dream of being the leader? You have to dream big, dream of the most impossible yet sensible thing you wanted to be or to have and I'm telling you this, once you achieved it, it will be the happiest day of your life. Never let anyone convince you that you dream is too big or too impossible, only you yourself can prove that. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not capable of your dreams; you can do anything you set your mind to. Being a child, I used to dream a lot. At first, I dreamed of silly things like being a sailor, a pirate or a dress maker. Then as I grew up, I started dreaming of more sensible things. My mum used to be an elementary teacher so I was stuck to the idea of being a teacher myself until now. I carried this dream whenever I go. When I want in elementary, I used to say that I wanted to be a teacher a lot. In the corridors, in the canteen, in room and even in the bathroom. When I was in 6th grade, that dream came into a reality. I didn't become a full-time teacher, I was called out by teachers from time to time away from my class and instructs me to watch their class while they're out and I was so happy because I got to teach little kids some simple maths and English. It made me happy how they've been so attached to me to the point that sometimes, they would ask if I could drop them to their houses since they're not fetched by their parents. I like sharing knowledge since then, I like the way people gets an imaginary light bulb floating just above their heads when they learn something new. Ever since I started dreaming to be a teacher, I learned to strive more, to self-study, to gather information and share it with others. I'm no genius; I can be a little bit stupid sometimes. I don't know why up to this day I still want to make my childhood dream to be a reality. Sometimes I wished I fought for what I really wanted to take. I also dreamed of being an author. Frankly, I believe I could be if it wasn't for my brain thinking too much. I started having a fascination to write stories because of Jk Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series. Her books just made me escape reality and it was something I really like. In times of great depression, I read books and instantly, everything would be okay and it's scary how I really don't want to come back. Books create this different world where you are able to just live in stories, literally breathing in the story itself. The same goes for writing a story. Between plotting, thinking of the next situations, writing the storyline and typing it up for finalization, it gives me the feeling of having a purpose in life. It gives me something to put my efforts into without people really expecting for the perfect result. Being an author would be a long shot since it's not really a proper job where you get paid off every month. But still, being an author would not be off my list just yet. I dreamed of writing a book that could change the world, which could help kids with their problems and help people escape reality momentarily. In fact, I don't have to chase the dream of being an author. Because right now, I write stories in blogs and websites and it's a real achievement for me. I am an unofficial author, I create these characters I wished that were real, I created worlds that only a person with imagination can fathom, I created a story line that books can only contain but I never finished one. I never finished a story; I just leave them there, incomplete. Sometimes it's because I never really knew how to end it, sometimes I just don't want the story to end but most of the times, I like to let my readers be the one to finish the story itself seeing that we all have these different point-of-views. There are two types of people in this world for me. There are dreamers and there are realists; both walking on Earth with different beliefs, different outlooks. The dreamers are the people who think of the biggest and most impossible things in life. They tend to work their selves out to be better, to find new things and discover their dreams coming true. They believe that one day, man would be travelling through time, that man would fly. I've always imagined a dreamer's mind would be a doodle of a brain, coloured with dramatic lively colours and loads of fun drawings like rainbows and unicorns. Then there are realists. People who lives by following the rules, never really going out there; these people have plans, schedules and never was the one to say 'We'll just have to wing it.' I'm not saying that they're no fun, I just believe that realists tend to imagine things the way they really are. Dreamers see a picture of a dove and they'll think of it as hope, realist would just see it as a bird, a dove, nothing more. You'd think that dreamers would find dreamers and realists would see realists. But more often than not, opposite is true. Opposite might be wrong but sometimes it's not and it's okay. You see, dreamers need realists to keep them from soaring too high that they could just reach the sun. Realists need dreamers. Why? Because they might not ever get off the ground. The point is, dreaming and reality is against all odds. They don't really mix, do they? I don't know if it's just me but sometimes when I wake up in the morning and the place was still dark and cold, I just close my eyes and ask myself why am I still alive. This is actually kind of deep and I really need to just share this with someone. It's that morning when you have this dreadful test or a thing you don't want to do and you just feel like dying right there and then because you don't really want to do it. It's like you really wanted to give up but you really don't have a choice but to get on with it. There's this nagging voice at the back of your head screaming for you to just stand up, get a hold of yourself and finish this thing. Because you don't have a choice. Then you have this urge to just cry, cry the time away and hope that you will be exempted in a game we call life. Sometimes, all the stress just bottled up in your chest and you haven't cried for the longest of time because you're trying this thing called 'being strong' and you just snapped and break down because you can't take it anymore. But even if you cry a river, all you will get is a head ache and a puffy red face. This is reality. Reality is life and we can't just go pretend we're Harry Potter or Percy Jackson or Sherlock Holmes or Doctor Who, because they don't really exist. There's no magic and powers, there's only a battle field we called life and it's up to us if we will fight or just curl up in a ball inside a cupboard crying because life sucks. I feel like I'm lecturing myself more than proving a point but right now, I'm not yet ready to be just the simple me in this battle field. The trouble is we think we have more time but actually, we don't. We know that time is limited; we know that our life can be cut short but despite this reality, we never really valued time. There's only now and what we do today is what matters the most, not the past for it has passed or the future for we don't know what will come. In the past, we could only look back and hope we lived yesterday like it was the last day. I'm hoping that you did things you don't regret, I hope you did something that is really out of your comfort zone, I wish you were really out there. Because I didn't and I'm not really in the full swing to live to the fullest.
It's amazing but please write it in paragraphs and read ur other thread about this I posted some stuff on there too
As much as I regret not taking risks, I'm still afraid and I'm still curled up inside a shell. I might participate in things like competitions but I'm only doing that because I have to and not because I want to. I'm not always like this, there's just this incident that triggered myself to just stop getting noticed because no matter how good I am to people, no matter how I did my best, there were always people criticizing me. I'm not the one who takes these lightly. So sometimes, I prefer to be the follower than the leader, it will lessen the raised eyebrows directed at me. In chasing a dream, I know I should be confident. Too many days are wasted comparing me to others and wishing to be something I'm not. I care too much to what other people say to me that I failed to see things clearly. There will always people who will pull you down and it's up to you if you will let them drag you down to their level. People often step on to other people to prove that they're better and it is never okay. Reaching the top by shoving people down will not make anyone successful. Up until now, well I haven't learnt to be myself around people. I always strive to please them. I was never like this before. I used to ignore other people's bitching then I realized that it's easier to accept negative things about you. Say that I'm pretty and I would merely shake that off because there are more people who called me fat and its okay. It's okay because it's easier to believe, I know I am fat but sometimes, I just stare at the mirror and question myself. Physical appearance does matter. If you're asking what's the connection of these in chasing my dreams; well in order to chase your dream, you have to accept who you are to know what you are and what you are not. Because by accepting who you really are, then you are successful. Then you can succeed. There was a time when I dreamed of owning a house so big that people could fit all of the libraries inside and it's cool and it's awesome. I dreamed of being rich; of having to just sit down and wait for money to come. I wanted to have this life when I'm not aware of what life truly is. I thought Earth is just a big shiny place and life was just a piece of cake. I thought being successful is easy, I thought that all of the people are rich and equal and it's all happy and shiny. I dreamed of material things and a high social status. My dream was to be rich, simple as that. My point of view about money and life changed when I was in high school. I was enrolled in a catholic school; you could guess that we were taught to be a better person through books, teachings and masses every now and then. No, that was wrong. we were required to do charity works every year. At first, I thought it'd be fun and a great experience. It wasn't, it's a void that made me see depressing scenes. At first, I thought it was a just a shallow thing that they do to show off to other schools. Don't get me wrong, I was happy to learn that we were going to help some kids, I just didn't thought that a simple feeding program can change my life. When we went to the beneficiary school, what I saw was like a hand slapping me to the face. This is how they teach us about life, letting us see the true face of humanity lying just below the shiny surface that we call society. The kids weren't malnourished; they weren't like the one we see in Africa. In fact, they were happy little children, it's the kind of happiness that could make someone question their own happiness; it's the depressing one. You would think that they'd be dull; you would think that they would've given up on life itself. Their innocence about life made my heart break at the same time leap, their innocence made them happy about their current state. It's their stories that woke my soul to a deeper point of view, I understood and I felt not pity or remorse but gratefulness and pride. Grateful to see the parents working hard to send their children to school and proud that they have not abandoned hope. For four years, I've visited different schools, met different children and family, heard different stories and captured different memories. Upon graduating, the first memories I wanted to replay were those of when I've seen the smiles on the children's faces when we gave them school supplies and candies, their parents hugging them and thanking us. Those were the moments that can't be captured by a mere camera and can't be painted by the best artist. It's fulfilling at the same time depressing, knowing that you could do something but really can't. You see, we shouldn't aim to live a luxurious life. Being rich shouldn't be in our dream list since material things aren't really permanent. They break and tear and soon enough, you'll find yourself throwing it in the trash and buying another one. This will be just a cycle. I think it's okay to be materialistic but it's a bit shallow. You invested your whole life working because you wanted to be rich. You crawled, walked, ran and flew just for money. At the end of the day you're just another person walking on Earth. You're just another person that I will see walking briskly down the sidewalks, you're just another person eating an orange just like other people, you're still a person and you are not different from other human beings inhabiting the world, except you're tired and unhappy. Unless you like living so lusciously that you forget the main and sole reason why you are alive. Everyone was made to do a certain thing, to be a certain human; to be somebody and trust me, being rich isn't one of them. Audrey Hepburn is remembered because she was an actress who did charity works and was an excellent actor and not because of her money. You are made to be someone's best friend, you are made because maybe, just maybe you will find the cure for cancer, you are made to be someone's spouse, would you trade any of that just to be plain rich? Consider what a long way you've come today, all the struggles you've overcome and all the pain you endured. I think money and material things wouldn't seal the wounds and hide the scars on your heart. Look within yourself and start looking for things much more important that material things. Remember, material things will not go anywhere and so are you if you don't start putting love on what you want to do. When I was in high school, the last months of my last year were a bit of a happy blur. I remember me and my friends walking in the middle of the school grounds during dismissals and we were all laughing and talking. We were happy and we were careless. I am writing this part in the middle of the night because I can't sleep and I've dug up a photo of me and my friends, it was a stolen shot and we were caught in mid-laugh. I cannot explain how that picture meant to me and I've realized how much they helped me get through with my life. They were basically there when I needed someone, they were there when I was struggling with accountancy, they were there most of the days when I am in a depressing state. I'm afraid I took them for granted all those years. I am afraid that I wasn't there when they needed me, I am afraid that maybe I wasn't a good friend at all. Then I realized that I wasn't because if I'm a crappy friend then maybe we wouldn't last four years together. Its funny how I could be so attach to people that were once strangers. Thinking about this project about my dreams at the same time my high school friends, I think it's just proper to mention them here.
@Cookies- Well, thats not my problem now is it? We were required to create a 10-paged essay of course it will take a while to read AND write
My friends aren't really your typical ordinary friends. They influenced me to live a little, to be crazy and to be different without forgetting who I really am. If it wasn't for them, I would be an emotionless and useless piece of flesh and skin. My friends made me feel welcomed and loved and they made me believe that being different is okay. They contributed so much in building and finding my true self. During high school, I learned things and values that I wouldn't have learned by myself because I was nothing but an awkward unsocializing person, I still am but I learned to deal with people. The people around me are essential to my being, believe it or not. Even though I would always choose to run my blog and hide from the world to escape people, I now understand that if I'm not going to force myself to socialize then I will not be going anywhere. I discovered that I like writing when I was in high school, I started reading loads of books when I was in high school, I became a movie enthusiast, I lived in a thousand of worlds, I danced, I acted in a theatre and I was in a speech choir; basically, I am who I am today because of the people I met during high school, all the things I've experienced will not be erased by time. I talk a lot about myself in this paper. No, not because so I could just finish this. I just wanted someone to know me technically in my point-of-view. And you have no choice but to read this long rant about myself in order to understand what my dream is. The thing is, I have a lot of things I wanted to do with my life. There are tons of dreams I'm chasing right now. But there's this one ultimate dream I wanted to be. I don't know but my default face isn't really the happy face. I prefer poker-face. I'm not really a typical girl. I have big dreams but a simple out-look in life. I prefer being alone really. I think my brain is faulty since I don't do stuffs like a normal person would do. I like drinking coffee alone, reading alone, riding the bus alone; basically doing anything alone. I like walking around the mall alone, music blasting to my ears. It makes me feel free; it helps me set my mind. It's something I would do when I want to get away from everyone for a while. Sometimes whenever I do my walk-alone-routine in Primark, I see these people laughing with their friends and it's okay because I like seeing those kinds of scenes. But sometimes I wonder what they think of me, do they think that I'm a friendless loser? Do they think that I'm meeting someone or do they think I'm lonely? During one of my routines I sat on one of the stools and I just stare aimlessly to the people walking around. I ask myself why they were doing there. Not in the bad way but in a curious way. I wonder what their life is. It fascinates me how people have these different lives that only they know. And it also angers me how people judge a person by his appearance. We never really know anyone even though you technically know someone because he is your friend. Sometimes I wanted to ask people what was it like their house and I would like to receive the sort of dramatic reply and not the same old 'it's fine' answer. I wanted to know if they're being shouted at or do they have a maid or a cook. I wanted to know their life and it seems impossible because even though you know their whole story, they would hold something back, something embarrassing and not in the shameful way. You will never ever know a person completely unless you feel what they felt. And with this, sometimes I dream of being a psychologist. I like to understand how a person's brain works. I like knowing their story and figuring out what's happening inside their head. When I was in high school and now in college, my friends would come to me when they have problems and I help them out using my “Words of Wisdom.” (Yes, that was true; they call my advices Words of Wisdom). The problem is, as I have told you, I am the one with the problem. I can seem to solve one's problem in life but can never solve mine. My life isn't really an open book, only a few knows what's going on with my head. Maybe you're included in that few people since you're here reading an essay that I've plucked from my brain and heart. Whenever I have a problem, I wouldn't be the one asking for my friends' help because sometimes, I feel like I'm a burden. Sometimes, I don't want people seeing me as weak and vulnerable. Then there will be that day that I would just snap in front of a trusted friend and start crying. No, I never did tell them why I randomly cry, it's just comforting for someone to tell me that everything will be okay even if it's not. I like helping people, I like learning their struggles and hardships because with that, I know that I'm not alone in the world. It keeps me from saying that life is unfair because it isn't. All of us was given and will be given a certain challenge and it's up to us if we will conquer or lose. God gave this hardship to find our weaknesses and strengths that soon will be beneficial to us. We need to learn and sometimes it takes a wound to wake us up. Choosing your dream is quite hard. Think of it this way, you’ve achieved your dream and you need to do that for like the rest of your life and you can’t whine that you wasted your life for that. So to avoid an existential life crisis, you better go take a break, go to the beach or walk on a deserted road alone. Think of what you really wanted to do in your life. You’d be chasing a dream you better have fun while doing it. Your mother’s dream for you cannot be your dream unless you’re happy about it. Remember, you’ll be walking a path with so many obstacles and hardships to reach that dream. You might as well do something that you really like; it would be more worth it. People dreams of so many things that they’re blinded to focus on just one thing. Focusing on one thing would help a person have a high possibility of achieving it. Putting all your energy in something you despise will not get you anywhere. You have to really have that passion for your dream in order to achieve it. Believing that you could do it will also help. A dream forced to sit idle hardens into an unusable substance of thoughts that have separated themselves from the goals and formed idle destruction thoughts that are crusted over with despair, doubt, anger and hatred. An unaccomplished dream is like carrying a heavy load. A heavy load makes one walk slowly, makes one clumsy as he tries to move under the load. The dream not realized may become heavy to bear because it still weighs on one's mind with musings like, "what might have been", " if only", "I'll guess I’ll never know" all these are useless thoughts that dip back into the past weighing heavy on one's mind. Bombs explode and cause destruction. If all the other possibilities of a deferred dream are bad with some worse than others, then the last possibility is the worst. If a person who dream is deferred loses all hope, he might "explode" with despair. There’s something you’d much rather be doing, than whatever you’ll do today. As kids, our future aspirations (which changed frequently) seemed so possible. Is it because we were naïve adolescents? Or were we actually full of the hope and confidence necessary to accomplish our visions, before being drained of that conviction over the years?
@Cookies- yeah, you dictated like you're a perfect writer. Anyway, yeah. I already through with the paper, I just like to share it here.
Nobody’s perfect. You aren’t always going to win. Sometimes, you are going to fall so hard, you don’t know how you will ever get up again. But in every instance, there will be a lesson or understanding you take with you for the next time. Even though you are still afraid, you are a bit wiser for the wear. Life was not meant for the side-lines. You aren’t meant to sit out of the game. The coach is throwing you in to fight for victory. Believe in yourself, think back on what you’ve learned before, and push through the line. You might be surprised by how far you can go. Every new day is another chance to change your life. Tomorrow will never know that you failed yesterday unless you stand tall with the blood and wounds you got from fighting for your dreams. Failing is not a big deal, everyone fails and it’s up to you if you will feel bad for yourself rather than laughing at the face of failure itself. After failing, you shouldn’t go cower behind your dreams and wishes. The amounts of failure you’ve gone through won’t describe who you are as a person or how much of a loser you are; this would just show that you are strong enough to try and try again. These are dark times and it’s up to you if you will do the right thing or the easy way out. I dreamed of things that aren’t really for me. I dreamed of equality. I dreamed of having a world where physical attributes doesn’t matter. Imagine having to walk in a room without people judging your hair or your body or your clothes; where everyone is considered pretty and okay. You can go out without stressing on the way you look, you can eat whatever you may want because you won’t feel the pressure of being skinny. The world has become so materialistic that sometimes, we are blinded on what really matters; what really matters are our values, our heart, and the way our soul looks. I dreamed of a world with a different definition of the word beautiful. Beautiful doesn’t have to involve the word skinny or pale or long hair. The word beautiful should be defined as the general term for a person. It is when she cares for everyone, when she’s smart, when she fears God. It should be used to describe ones’ heart. In our society, beautiful is defined from what we see on Vogue or Metro. It’s what we see in the television but what we don’t really get, we are made in God’s likeness and having a body part changed is nothing but a disgrace. We are made with flaws, no one is meant to be perfect because there is no such thing like that. I dreamed of ending world hunger. I know it’s a long shot but I really wanted it done. I’ve seen people dying of starvation. Having a food on the table and realizing that someone is dying of hunger in unappetizing. Not because of pity, no. It’s because of the feeling of utter curiosity and sheer humanism. They don’t deserve pity, they deserve justice. Why can’t someone do something about them? There are too many money wasted on luxuries that could’ve saved a life, which could’ve made a little boy happy. Why would there be people like that? We could have been all equal. Why is it so hard for the government to give them a tiny shelter, a pillow or a candle for the night? Why is it so impossible for someone to give them bread or two or water to drink? I know I should do something but in my state, I couldn’t just yet. And there are things I wanted to find and achieve for myself. I dreamed of undying love. This is cliché. This is totally cheesy. I dreamed of a boy that would love me at my worse. I’ve been watching loads of 90’s movies and maybe it affected me to no end. I’ve never been to a date. No one has ever plucked up the courage to really ask me out. I wanted to have this relationship with a boy that would send me love letters every Wednesday because I like Wednesdays. I wanted someone that would enjoy silences with me, that would hold my hand during long walks, that would buy me ice cream when I’m down, that would sing to me even if he’s voice isn’t that nice. I wanted someone that would buy me books instead of teddy bears, a boy that would hug me all the time, someone that would be there even if I’m angry. Maybe I should stop now. I dreamed of finding Elysium. Elysium is a place or condition of ideal happiness. Paradise. I’ve realized that my dream is to be truly happy and contented in my life. I honestly don’t care if I would be a teacher or a psychologist. It doesn’t matter if I’m rich, middle-class or poor. I just wanted to be happy. All my life, I longed for continuous happiness but never felt anything. I could be happy for an hour or several but never for a long time. Imagine yourself living a luxurious lifestyle but you are alone, and whenever you come home, no one is really there to welcome you besides your maid or a dog. At the end of the day you’re as lonely as an unfortunate person. You will die, somehow and you can’t really bring your treasure to heaven. Maybe memories can be carried though. Memories are what make a person whole and I would sell my soul just to watch a replay of my life. I wanted to feel how happy I was in a particular moment or how sad I was. Dreaming of eternal happiness is impossible but as I’ve said, the impossibility of it is what makes a dream special. Happiness can never be bought, it can only be found. But finding happiness isn’t an easy task. You have to go to war, to battle for life itself. You will have to walk and sometimes run to your goal. It will never be easy. It would be like walking to a desert without water. That is life; the struggle for survival. You have to fight your thirst in order to find the oasis. You have to prepare yourself for a lot of disappointments, tragedy and hurt. Leaving the battlefield will leave you with wounds and scars and sometimes pain that will never last. But that’s the point of life right? Life will never favour us; it will push us down until we’re left crying in the dark. Life is forcing us to give up and just leave all our past efforts to waste. And you shouldn’t life bully you to no end, sometimes you have to stand up and raise a certain finger to life. Fuck life and it’s bullshits. You are a strong person and it would take more than a million tons of water to kill the light in your soul.
My favourite author taught me something about failing and up until now, it still lives in my heart and it is the best lesson I’ve learned so far. Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure. The world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you will let it. Life is difficult and complicated and beyond anyone’s control and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes. I am not here to tell you that failure is fun, that failing is a good thing. It’s when I failed in something I worked hard for, that period of my life will be a dark one. I will have no idea then how far the tunnel will extend and for a long time, any light at the end of it would be hope rather than a reality. I might not never fail on the scale of others did but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you lived so cautiously that you might not have lived at all in which case, you fail by default Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing an examination. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. Failure meant stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than I was and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only thing that mattered to me. The knowledge that people emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that they are ever after, secure in their ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself or the strength of your relationships until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift for all that is painfully won and it has been worth more than qualification I ever earned and learned. My life is full of ups and downs. If I have to sum up all of my failures, it would almost bury all of my achievements. Not that I’m saying that I’m a total failure, it’s just that I’m really proud that I haven’t buried myself alive yet. I’ve learned to admit my mistakes before someone exaggerated the story. I feel like admitting ones failure isn’t really an embarrassing thing to do for it reflects bravery. All these years of daydreaming and being afraid, I learned to truly be myself; to think of me as a protagonist of my own story. I am the books I read, the music I listen to, the people I meet, the dreams I have, and the conversations I engaged in. I am the sound of the ocean, the breath of fresh air, the brightest light and the darkest corner. I am a collective of every experienced I have had in my life. I represent imperfect people, I represent the insecure, and the ones who are lost and were never found. I am the time itself. I am every single second of every single day. So I am drowning myself in the sea of knowledge, existence, failure and achievements. I let the words run through me because if I don’t, I am nothing. If I stopped believing that I am the world, then I would burn to ashes. I am my own person. I am strong despite of being weak and vulnerable. I am the director of my life, the writer of my story, the actor herself, the stunt-double and the producer. My life and dreams depend on me and to no one else’s hands. It’s up to me if I would follow my dreams or not because this is my life. I would dream higher than the sky and deeper than the ocean. It’s up to me if I will soar high or I will plunge down the vast ocean of possibilities. I am a teacher and I share knowledge and information that others don’t understand. It doesn’t matter if I’m taking Education or not because, right now? I’m living the dream by teaching other people about life; about how life is naturally unfair but we have a say to where fate is stirring us. I am a psychologist for I understand what’s going on inside my friends’ head. I have the solution to their problems and I understand them far more than other person’s view on them. I don’t need the decree or the pricey course to take. I’m living the dream of helping others sort their life out and this is how I wanted it to be. I will never be a would have been, could have been and should have been. I intend on not making any far more damage in my life and I will not accept any regrets in the future. My dreams aren’t meant to be stuck in my head, it’s meant to be set free and to be chased. My dreams are meant to stay in a hidden place and it is my duty to go look for it, to have an adventure and enjoy along the journey. I have my family and friends to keep me company on the road, who am I to pass out this opportunity to live my life? I am up for the chase and the hardship and the dark days. I am ready to be wounded and to be scarred. A mere fear of failing will not stop me from looking for my dream. I’ve wasted much time in getting ready and now that I’m through; I won’t wait for another year because of my hesitations. As a brave wizard once told us, “It does not do to dwell in dream and wishes and forget to live.” I’m ready to take chances. I’m ready to chase Elysium.
I wont post the whole essay since its really really long. Thoughts? Wall me or just post here will you?
It's not bad. There's repetition in it, though, and not the good kind. To fix that you could just go on a thesaurus and look up synonyms for the word so you're not using the same one over and over.