Ashley High

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Jessbabe13, Mar 8, 2013.

  1. I walked into school monday morning all nervous for my first day of school. I didn't know what to expect. I was so nervous my stomach felt like butterflies.

    Oh my! I forgot to inroduce myself. Excuse that. My name Ranae Miller. I am 14-years old. I just moved here, california all the the way from Maine.

    I walked to the front office and opened the doors of the office and walked to the front desk and asked, "Uhm excuse me Ma'am , I'm looking for Mrs. Parter. Where can I find her?" The lady I asked looked at me for a minute and then she pointed to my left. "It's right down the hallway. Have a good day." I said thank you to her and went on my way. I had heard that Mrs. Parter was nice but can be mean at times. Hopefully I don't get on her bad side. Good Luck to me!
     
  2. Give me feedback! It will help me improve my writing!
     
  3. It's okay. A little bland so far. Seems like a journal entry.
     
  4. Thank you for your review and comment. I'm not the best writer on here but I try to do my best. Thank you for your opinion though.
     
  5. I enjoy blossoming writers. It was ok maybe a little more discription in the environment.
     
  6. Thank you.
     
  7. Update

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    I walked into the hallway and there were photo frames, and a few chairs in the hallway. I approached Mrs. parter's room. I knocked on her door. No answer. I then walked in a found her passed out.
     
  8. Try to use more description. Show, don't tell. Use sensory details.
     
  9. Anyone remember this?
     
  10. Boring ?. There's like no description what so ever.
     
  11. Slow down the action, add description, and try not to make it a typical boring high school drama story.