I walk around lost in the woods and I can't help but hearing scary sounds.. I am unaware of what is lurking and watching me.. _____________________________________________ **Eledrainas P.O.V** I see a girl walking around the woods. I don't think this is a safe place to take a walk through.. I wish I could do somthing would Mulan agree though? I follow this girl but I am making sure I am hidden. I then see Yumi walk out into the of the pathway and the girl sits down and pets her.. _______________________________________ **Yumis P.O.V** "Hello young one." I say. "Did a c..cat just talk?!" The girl asks me."Yes dear I did.. I am Yumi, Queen of Nekos.. what is your name?" I reply. "Julia.." The girl says. "Where am I?" She asks. Then I hear movement above the trees and I see Eledrania come forth. "Hello...Julia" she says. "What do you want Ele?" Yumi says. "Just the girl. Mulan wants to speak to her.
______________________________________________ **Hades P.O.V** I see Ele and Yumi fighting over a mortal. "Ele!" I say floating down. "What is going on here exactly?" I ask. "I...its my fault sir.." The mortal says. "Quite mortal." I reply harshly. "Now Ele tell me what's going on." ______________________________________________ **Eles P.O.V** "Now Ele tell me what's going on." Hades asks me. "Well
Yumi and I are fighting over Julia." I say pointing at her. "The mortal has a name?!?!" Hades ask rudely then he snaps and vanishes.
Here's some advice I have Start a new paragraph each time someone new speaks and for organization Try not to switch POVs so often; it can get confusing. Only have one or two per update Make longer and fewer updates rather than many short ones Add detail and description to slow down the story There are some spelling and grammar mistakes. Proofread Add emotion. The girl doesn't seem all that surprised a cat is talking to her and she accepts it without a word Dialogue is written like this: "I like rainbows," she says. Not: "I like rainbows." She says. And not: "I like rainbows" she says. Also like this: "Do you like rainbows?" she asks. Not: "Do you like rainbows?" She asks. Have some complex and compound sentences. Add commas here and there (but not to every sentence!) The story is really confusing. Nothing is explained