(Now, I know you are wondering "who are they?" but in time you will find out) Hoping from building to building was Casey, with little to no effort she could jump from the 1st floor to the 30th. Her long blonde hair flowing behind her, she stopped jumping and fell. With a bone cracking "Thud!" she landed in a crowd of business men and women. It surprised them at first, but they didn't scream or yell, this happened regularly everyday. Casey simply stood up and smiled to them all, then started walking to her home she shared with others that had "special" abilities, like her.
I like how you started off with action instead of something boring.But it's very brief, and you sort of state things happen rather than explaining details and letting the actions flow smoothly. Also, the whole idea of groups of people with superpowers has been done to death in my opinion. Maybe you could add something to make it more original. All in all, it's not a bad start. I'll be reading.
(Thanks for the comments ) "Is it me or do I need a haircut" Casey said as she ruffled her ling blonde locks of long hair while walking "maybe it's just me." She walked up to the house, looking right she saw Shifters sparring, to her left she saw Elves jumping in the trees, she shrugged and opened the door the the living room and smiled at everyone and gave a brief wave. She wasn't the type to outright yell hi randomly and jump on someone's lap. Casey simply shifted to a sloth and sat on a chair listening to the fights and conversation that was going on inside the large group. Is this what lurking is like? (Thanks for reading and the shortness of the updates to the story, I have school going on and homework needs to get done!)
For dialogue, please add a coma before the last quotation and make dialogue a new paragraph. You also need to divide your writing into paragraphs so it's not one big block of text. Like so... Hello my name is Shannon. I like to eat mozzarella sticks. YOU NEED DETAILS! You have a couple, but more will be great! I'm so confused on what's happening because you aren't describing the setting or moment that well. You also tend to switch tenses "wasn't" and "isn't" so be careful! It would help if you looked at other stories on FF to see how people are writing. You could check out.. • Spark by -H_S-Brooke_Noodles • Hidden Truths by DetoX_FallenAngel • In Case (BoyxBoy) by -KittyInBunnyland- • First, Not Last by Me! Edit these mistakes and you'll be good to go!
Thanks Shannon. I'm flattered you mentioned my story. And yes, this is great advice. Follow it and you'll be writing great in no time?
Thanks so much for the tips and everything! I'll try that in my next part! If you want to read another one of my story's or one of my friends',look up- •Awake, An Angels Story •Family Thanks!, bye
~(•=•)~ :Morning: Casey woke up lazily, her blonde hair in a mess and half her bedding and blankets on the floor. The sun was shining brightly into the small window of the small orange room and she could hear the soft muffled sound of footsteps in the kitchen and living room down the long hall. Casey got out of bed slowly and yawned, she ruffled her hair and walked down the long, narrow hall into the brightly painted living room. "Morning" was all she could sleepily yawn out. "Actually, it's 4, in the afternoon" said Chasity as she walked into the house from the large front door. "Thanks, Chas" Casey yawned out at her. (I know this is not exciting, but I was trying to take some time with this one, just to get the fell of describing more and being careless less. Have a nice day lovelys ~SpaceKoala/Casey
Remember to make a new paragraph when someone is speaking. And dialogue is written like this: "I am a rainbow," she said. :3 You tend to leave out the comma, so remember that.