Hey I'm a new writer and I hope you guys will go easy on me but I want feed back of what you guys think and on most stuff I know I need to work on. So bare with me on my writing I'm still new on this. Hope you guys will enjoy. ^_^
Day 1 Dear diary, Today started like any other day but as the day continued it started to change. I was at work when I seen people go to the lounge to watch the tv. So I went to see what was happening, when I entered the room the world news was on. The news reporter who looked very scared and shocked was talking about some strange disease bringing back the dead, I didn't believe it but when I looked outside I seen this guy get hit by a car, he was pined between the car and the light post his body must of been cut in half because there was lots of blood and guts coming from the bottom of him and no one was getting up from that. The driver gets out and sees if he was alright the driver was hurt a bit but the driver would of been hurt more if it wasn't for the airbags, then he just got right back up and grabbed the driver pinning the driver ripping though the clothes, skin, bones and guts, eating every thing that was flesh, blood and guts was all over the place. The driver was still alive while he was eating the driver, then it finally hit me I have a wife home by all by herself. I have to find her and just hope that she is fine, and the chaos didn't get to her before I do.
I would suggest using paragraphs. It's easier to read that way. Also, there are a bunch of run-on sentences which also makes it difficult to understand. Everything is happening very fast, part of which might be because pretty much all of the sentences have a comma. Slow it down. Add shorter sentences to build suspense (but don't make all of them short!). Maybe add some dialogue too. When there's none the story can seem a little strange. Some more details wouldn't hurt either. It's a good start, though. I like the idea and it seems promising. ^.^ Just follow this advice, maybe read some other stories, and you'll be writing well in no time!