ȘɴΘώ ᎯɴĢels

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by NeonQueen, Aug 22, 2013.

  1. Snow Angels

    [​IMG]

    ~~Chapter 1 Dream Girl~~

    unlike most of my dreams, this one seemed real, like it was happening right before my eyes; I couldn't make myself believe I was dreaming.

    A light breeze blew past my cheeks, rustling a few loose strands of hair from my face. I could feel the bitter cold air, biting at my skin with a harshness that made a blanket of goose-bumps rise across my arm.

    I swore that I could feel this coldness, this utter bitterness, but I couldn't be; this had to be a dream.

    As I sat myself upright in my bed, leaning to the side to peer around my pitch dark room, not even the light of the moon was enough to bring a clear vision what was around me.

    I could feel something, something deep in my bones, something that made my shivers increase.

    I reached my arm out towards the old lamp beside my bed, jumping a bit at the thunderous click that it made under my finger as I pressed down on the switch.

    Turning myself back to face the front I gasped, letting out a yelp in surprise as a figure stood at the foot of my bed.

    Moving backwards on my bed until I was pressed tight against the headboard, I rubbed my eyes quickly, looking straight at the figure.

    It was a girl.

    She stood with a tall gracefulness, her body completely covered from head to toe in pure white. A hood of snow white covered the front of her, blocking her face from view.

    I was sure she had to be a girl, judging by her thin feminine figure, and perfect curves, she had the kind of body everyone woman would kill for.

    I gulped as the beautiful woman before me began to float over to me, as if she was flying in thin air. A scent of vanilla struck my senses, and my head began swimming.

    Who was this girl?

    My heart began to race as she hovered over me, her soft-looking hand reaching out towards me in a fluid motion.

    I looked at her hand for a second.

    Deep inside me I felt something click in place, and a feeling of tension hit me.

    She was presenting a choice to me.

    This was the only thing my mind kept repeating the longer I stared at her hand.

    This one gesture was important, I could feel it, but what was there to choose from.

    Slowly I let my hand wonder out towards hers and gently I took her hand, as smooth as silk in mine.

    Her hand was firm as it locked into mine, and for a second the whole world just felt right.

    My eyes slide back up to her covered face, and before I could utter a word a shock ran down my arm, sending warmth through my body.

    The beautiful woman now began to shine like a thousand of crystals, and I found myself launching myself up in bed, breathing heavily.

    I looked around my room, no longer being lit by only my lamp, and the figure of the woman was no were in sight.

    It had only been a dream.

     Bumps? 
     
  2. I really like this. The description and everything is amazing, and it seems really interesting so far. I just have a question: is this an actual movie or book? Because it seems that way from the picture.
     
  3.  Not a real book or movie. I didn't notice it had that movie stuff on it when I found the pictures. I was rushing.  My bad
     
  4. Sighing, I rubbed my face, a bit surprised by the dampness on my forehead. I must have been sweating a bit from that dream.

    "Alec, time for school," The voice of my mother trailed up from down stairs.

    "I'm up," I called down, holding back a reluctant groan.

    Yawning a bit I slide to the end of my bed, stretching my arms above my head before standing up, and making my way out of my room, heading towards the bathroom.

    It was then that I realized that my head was pounding, and a rush of images from last nights dream popped up in my head.

    The woman in the robes, how soft her hand had been as it rested in mine, it was all too real… I wanted it to be real.

    What was I thinking, what a stupid wish. That my dream had been more then just my mind running wild, and making up things as I slept; although, that girl had been beautiful, at least her body had been, I didn't know what the rest of her looked like. Surely with a body like that, she had to be the most beautiful girl in the world.

    As I walked into the bathroom, relieved that I had been the first one to make in, I yawned again, turning to start the water in the shower. At that moment I noticed a mark on back of my wrist.

    I looked closer, holding my wrist right in front of my eyes to see a cursive letter "R" sketched over my skin.

    I frowned at it curiously.

    When did that get there?

    I shrugged it off, and began to peel my clothes off, that seemed to cling to my skin from my sweating.

    Surely I would have noticed that before I had gone to bed last night, but I couldn't recall seeing it there.

    Sighing in relief at the warm water hitting my skin as I entered, I began to lather up, trying to wash away the beautifully written "R" from my wrist. But it didn't even smear, no matter how hard I tried it stayed.

    Getting a bit annoyed I scrubbed harder over the "R" until my arm turned pink, but the letter stared back at me, still its dark, bold color on my pale skin, just mocking me as it seemed to look as though it was getting darker by the second.

    I sighed, and gave up, finishing up with getting myself clean, and calming down a bit.

    No one would notice it anyway I guess.

    But I just wish I knew where it came from, it couldn't be a tattoo could it. Maybe I was asleep at one of Rad's parties, and one of his tattoo friends got a hold of me.

    But I haven't been to one of Rad's parties since May, on his birthday, and I would have surely noticed it between the past seven months.

    No it couldn't be a tattoo, so what could it be…?

    I shook my head for a second, looking down at it as I stepped out of the shower.

    I'd worry about it later; I had to get ready for school before I was late again.

    Slinging the last towel in the closet around my waist I walked calmly back towards my room, combing through my wet hair, watching it pop back into it's usual loose curls, stopping just inches from my eyebrows.

    I detested my hair, it was annoying to have this mess of curls on top of my head, I was probably the only guy at my school with curly hair, and I knew for sure I was the only one with this color hair as well.

    My mother described it as Caramel colored, and in a way I guess that really was the closest way of telling someone what color it was.

    I hated it.

    I don't know why I couldn't just be normal, be like everyone else, all my life I have been treated differently because of the way I look, apparently guys with strange colored hair was well admired.
    To any other guy this would be a god-sent gift, to be well liked by the females, but I found it annoying, and I wanted more then anything to be different.

    Walking back into my room, I trudged into my closet to find a random thing to put on.

    My black basketball shorts and my basketball jersey were the first things my hands touched, so that's what I decided to go with. Shoving my feet into my sneakers, I glanced at myself in the mirror, not caring how I looked, just wanting to make sure I didn't have anything inside-out.

    I slowly rubbed my face, sighing.

    Already I didn't want to go, I wanted to stay home, and think about that dream some more, maybe figure out why I had dreamt it in the first place.

    As I began to stomp my way out of my room, and down the wooden stairs; my book-bag slung carelessly over my shoulder, I peeked down at the "R" written into my wrist.

    For some reason this letter reminded me of my dream… like maybe there were connected to each other in some way…

    That didn't even make sense; I had to be over-thinking this all just a bit now.

    What do you think?
    Bumps? 
     
  5. Great job.The letter is totally from the woman snow angel person! Btw you switched tenses for a moment. That's a common mistake, though, and easy to fix.
     
  6. This sounds like my old story except my main character was a girl and she had scars. Anyway...  it's so much more amazing than my old story . I wonder what will happen next! 
     
  7. It was alright.
     
  8. I let my thoughts drop as I made it down the stairs; where the smell of pancakes hit me in a wave, making my stomach growl.

    Quickly I made my way into the kitchen, knowing full well my mother was in there making up a delicious breakfast.

    As soon as I made it to the entrance of the kitchen the smell of pancakes intensified, and I smiled in excitement of the warm sweet smell.

    "Morning mom," I greeted her nicely, noticing her bent over, stirring a big bowl in front of the oven.

    She turned; her short, curly, blonde hair bouncing slightly as she faced me. A warm motherly smile spread across her face.

    "Hey dear, I hope you're hungry," She said retrieving a plate of pancakes, and sitting it on the table in front of me.

    I hastily moved, and sat down, breathing in the smell before digging in.

    "Always," I nodded with a chuckle, and groaning at the delicious taste. It was so perfect, fluffy, warm, and best of all made with the purest intent of making someone happy.

    She laughed gently, and turned back to the oven to continue stirring her bowl.

    I smiled to myself, trying to savor the taste with each bite.

    Still to this day, I prayed that I somehow inherited my mother's skill for cooking; I already inherited her curly hair, and her fair skin.

    "Does it taste alright Alec," She said watching me.

    I looked up at her, quick to reassure her. "It's amazing, as usual,"

    She smiled in relief, and was about to speak when her hazel eyes danced towards the entrance of the kitchen.

    I turned as well I see little Maggie come stumbling in, still in her little pink pajamas.

    "Good morning squirt," I chuckled as she climbed up in the chair beside me.

    She narrowed her eyes at me, making a little fist, punching my shoulder.

    It didn't hurt in the slightest, but I made a show of wincing in pain, making her giggle.

    "Don't call me that Ale," She said while yawning.

    "My bad," I smiled, chewing up the last of my pancakes.

    Her chocolate colored hair was in a crazy bush on the top of her head, and her eyes seemed to be tired and sleepy still.

    "Maggie sweetie, did you sleep alright?" My mother asked, and slide a plate of pancakes over to her, and handing me a cup of black coffee.

    I sipped at it, smiling at my mother in gratitude, before turning my attention back to Maggie.

    Maggie shrugged, rubbing her eyes before nibbling at her pancakes.

    "We kind of woke up in the middle of the night to see the big shooting star," A voice sounded from the doorway of the kitchen.

    Allie stood there, batting her eyes in tiredness, yawning as she did so. Just like Maggie; her hair was in a complete mess.

    Maggie gave a sheepish look up at mom, and then looked down at her plate.

    I had been surprised from this news.

    A shooting star, how could I have missed that, that dream really must have had me out.

    "It was so cool," Allie smiled animated as she walked over, climbing up on the seat on the other side of me.

    "It was all shinning gold, and it was glowing, and it was so big," Maggie grinned.

    "Yes I know, I had seen it as well, but you know you two aren't supposed to be staying up late," My mother reminded, handing Maggie her sipping cup, probably full of orange juice, before handing Allie her breakfast.

    I looked at them both, raising a brow.

    Still, I couldn't get over how different these two were. Yes they were twins, but they were like complete opposite, both in looks, and in personalities.

    Maggie was sweet, and mellow, she is almost never into trouble or making messes.

    While Allie was a trouble-maker, who almost never sits still, and had one massive temper.

    But they were the best of friends, they rarely fought over anything.

    "I missed it, was dad excited about it, he always has been interested in these kinds of things isn't he," I said bringing my attention back to the conversation.

    I watched as the cheery smile on my mother's face slowly slide off at my words, and she sat back in her seat, her eyes now on the table, not meeting my look.

    "I'm sure if he saw it, he was ecstatic," She said quietly, keeping her eyes down.

    "What do you mean if he saw it, you don't know?"

    "Well, your father didn't come home until 2 a.m, and the star came across at about 12 a.m."

    I clenched my hand into a fist at this, now understanding what was wrong.

    I was getting tired of this.

    My father used to be home at regular times, waking up at 8 a.m with all of us, and then leaving for work when I left for school, coming home a little after 5 p.m.

    That was normal, that was what it was supposed to be like, and that's how it has been all my life, until just a few months ago.

    My father had changed, I don't know what it is, but he has been acting different.

    He used to be so easygoing, and mellow, maybe a bit sophistic at times, but now, he was nothing but cold, and unfeeling. He rarely speaks to any of us.

    The last words he had said to me had been… "Where's the car keys," that was two months ago.

    He began waking up at 4 a.m, then sneaking down in the basement, locking the door behind him, and then staying down there until 8 a.m, he would leave to go to work, and not get home until 2 a.m.

    It was worrying my mother, and upsetting my sister, which put me in a very bad mood, I was half tempted to go and tell him a thing or two… if only I knew a thing or two…

    "Are you alright," I said watching as my mom tried pulling herself together, putting on the happy act to not worry Maggie and Allie, but I saw through that.

    She was hurting on the inside.

    "I'll be just fine, now you get on and go to school, you'll be late," She said with a small smile.

    I nodded with a sigh, and stood up, patting Maggie and Allie on the top of the head.

    "I'll see you guys later,"

    "Bye Alecie," Maggie smiled; while Allie swatted my hand with an embarrassed look to me.

    I chuckled, and made my way out of the kitchen, walking out to my old truck.

    As soon as I stepped out the door a cold gust of bitter cold December wind bite at my face.

    I quickly walked around to the driver's seat of my truck, being cautious of the ice frozen under my feet, slipping only once, but I already had a hold on my truck.

    With a strong yank I pulled the old truck door open with a creak, and I watched as rust sprinkled the ground.

    Thanks for the truck dad, no really, I appreciate your efforts, you didn't get the cheapest truck in the junk yard I'm sure.

    Shaking my head I climbed up into my truck, sliding my finger over the navy blue paint that seemed to be chipping away more and more.

    As I started up the truck, I cranked the heat up to its limit quickly, shivering against the cold as it entered. Surely that was the only good thing about this hunk of junk. It got warm fairly fast.

    Once I was toasty warm I began to back out of the driveway, taking my time over the frozen sheet of ice that covered the ground, until I was safely on the main road.

    Today was going to be like any other Monday; I could just feel it now. At the moment, the last thing I wanted to do was go to school.

    How am I doing 

     thank you for the great feedback! I'll work on the tenses. I'm not very good at that, thanks for catching it though! 
     
  9. It's better. I feel bad for them.
     
  10. The classes' I am taking is beyond easy, and my main complaint, was that now that I was on my way to school, I would be forced into attending basketball practice after school today.

    I loved basketball yes, of course, and my team was amazing, a great bunch of guys, but our school hasn't won a basketball game in seven years. Although we where never frowned upon in our school, the basketball team was known as the school most popular group of guys.

    I will never understand why, I suppose since we didn't have a football team they had to settle with the next best sport. Like all schools, basketball, and girl's tennis is the two most admired sports, in which have formed into groups, that people call, the "Prep" groups.

    I didn't disagree with this term, most of them we're very snobbish, and stuck-up. I wish I wasn't included in it, but I was only there for my two best friends, Rad, and Max.

    As I glanced around the small town of Haven I noticed there was a strange feeling deep inside me as I analyzed each building I went past.

    Everything around me seemed… different, but not physically different, it all looked the same, all the tiny houses, and the old stores, the trees hovering over the town like tall, massive bodyguards. All the people walking around on the streets, wrapped up in their heavy winter clothes, each with friendly smiles on their faces.

    Now that was something that was different. Usually the people around here were hatefully. They wouldn't give you the time of day; they always had a place to be. There weren't any killers, or thieves like a large city, but the people here weren't that nice either.

    The only nice folks around here were the town's older members, the ones that had been around here longer then any other. And of course my own family was kind, and a couple other families, but not many.

    But I could feel it, something else was off, something was going on under these friendly smiles, and I didn't like the weird feeling I kept receiving. It was like a mixture of anxiety, and that way you feel when you are right in the middle of a dream.

    I pinched my arm, turning away from the windows to concentrate on the road.

    Ouch.

    Yeah, I wasn't dreaming, not this time, but I couldn't shake this feeling of unsettledness. Even as I pulled into my school parking lot, the sensitivity didn't let up, in fact, it intensified.

    I clutched the wheel for a moment as I parked in my usual space right in front of the school. My stomach was tied up in knots, and my head was pounding like crazy.

    I couldn't understand why I was reacting like this, it was the same way I felt before every basketball game, when I'm standing out there on the court, nervous of all the watching fans, expecting me to do something, to win, and I know, and they know full well I couldn't.

    Sighing, I pushed my thoughts away, and yanked my truck door open, sliding out, and turning just in time to see my best friend Max jogging over to me with a bright smile.

    "Hey Alec, nice to see the rust-bucket brought you to school on time for once," He teased with a grin.

    I rolled my eyes, giving him a light shove.

    "I told you, have some faith in old Betty here," I said patting the side of my truck to watch a few chips of paint come dancing down from it.

    Max snickered watching this.

    "She's a real piece of work isn't she," He rolled his eyes.

    I ignored his comment, and hitched my book bag back over my shoulder.

    "So are you going to practice after school," Max said his bright blue eyes gleaming in excitement.

    I frowned slightly at the mention of practice, but gave my best half smile.

    "Of course I am; why do you ask?"

    "Just making sure, the tennis girls will be sharing the gym with us for the next couple weeks," He said wagging his brows at me.

    I fought back the urge to roll my eyes again; and I huffed a bit, watching my loose curls blow around a bit from the slight breeze.

    "Great," I muttered with fake interest.

    Max gave me an elbow to the side, making me chuckle at his weak attempt. He laughed with me, and shook his head.

    "I'll never understand you Alec, you could probably have any girl you wanted in this school, but you think all of them are a waste of space, I'd kill to have your luck,"

    I raised a brow at him.

    Well, I didn't find that woman in my dreams to be a waste of space; she was amazing, perfect; now that was the kind of girl I could be interested in. Not snobby, not rude, not cruel, just a nice, sweet girl.

    But what was I saying, she was a dream, plus I don't truly know what her personality had been, all I knew was that she was beautiful, for all I know she could be a complete witch, but then again she is a dream, so she's whatever my mind had made her.

    "What are you two going on about?" A cynical voice spoke from behind us.

    I turned already knowing who it was, and throwing him a slight smile.

    "Rad, you're going to basketball practice right," Max grinned, waving at him.

    Rad gave him a not so fascinated look, but nodded, smirking.

    "I wouldn't dream of missing the tennis girls sharing the court," He said with a dark smile.

    Max beamed, and gave him a hi-five.

    "That's what I'm talking about," Max grinned in eagerness.

    Rad ran a hand through his raven black hair for a moment, looking between Max and I. He usually stayed quiet, and just listened, he didn't like paying attention to anything for any long period of time.

    "Well come on, let's get to class before Mrs. Peace gives us detention again," I said nodding to them.

    Max nodded, but looked unconcerned as we all walked together to our class.

    Give me some feedback
     honesty and criticism is my friend
     
  11. It's great. Just a few spelling errors.
     
  12.  It was very enjoyable to read with the beautiful description. As the plot still shows it's mysteries with not being revealed yet.❄
    The only critic I would give is the grammar. With too many comers in a single sentence but it was fine overall.❄
     
  13. This was the only class we all had together. Mrs. Peace was the strictest teacher in the school, her English classes were almost impossible to pass with anything higher then a C.

    But Max, Rad, and I had been a team since I met them, all the way back in kindergarten.

    Max was the smooth talker; he could talk any teacher out of giving us detentions, and was never nervous to speak to anyone.

    Rad was the tough guy, even when he was only five he was the scariest kid on the playground, he is what kept bullies away from us in our grade school years, and also he was what got us on the basketball team.

    And then there was me, I had no skills in any of those departments, I couldn't talk my way out of a rough situation if my life depended on it, and I was to thin, and soft-looking to be tough, and scary.

    I was the brains behind our little team. I could always get them both to pass each of their classes, thanks to them copying off my homework. Of course they weren't stupid, but when it comes to things… that aren't basketball, they don't really excel in any way.

    But that's just what makes us a good team.

    As we made it to our class, I smiled nervously as Mrs. Peace gave us warning looks the second we walked through the door.

    "You all were almost late, where were you?" She demanded, her dark; almost black eyes piercing at us.

    "Where sorry Mrs. Peace, we had just stopped to help a little seventh grader, he was having trouble opening his locker, we just couldn't ignore that," Max said with a tender smile.

    Rad and I glanced at each other in amusement.

    Max always could come up with the best excuses, and they just seemed to come to him right on the spot no matter what.

    I watched as again Max's power worked over our teacher. Her eyes went soft, and she gave us each a smile.

    "Oh, well, it's wonderful our junior class has such kindness; please take your seats gentleman,"

    "Thank you Mrs. Peace," Max said in politeness, and lead us to the back of the room, where all three of us sit.

    As I took my seat, direction beside the window, I noticed that the feeling I had gotten earlier had returned.

    My stomach began to clench up in knots, and the feeling of being fast asleep over came me.

    Glancing to the side, wondering if Max or Rad had felt this to, I jumped in fear.

    Everyone around me was smiling, in that friendly way that the people in town were, and they all seemed to be completely frozen in their seats.

    My heart began to face as I looked to face to face, seeing the same smile, even Mrs. Peace was frozen at her desk smiling.

    No one talked, no one moved, the clock ticked on.

    I quickly turned to the window in panic, letting out a yelp in surprise as I saw the woman in white standing right outside the window.

    Just like in my dream, she stood there, completely covered in pure white robes, her hood covering her face, a glow seeming to hover around her.

    My lips moved to speak, but I couldn't, my heart began to race so hard I could feel it pounding in my throat. My mind went completely blank as I watched the woman.

    Slowly she raised her head just a fraction, and in that moment I watched as a wave of golden brown hair ran down past her shoulders. It was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen; it looked so pure, so perfect.

    The urge to go out there and just stroke her hair burned in me so greatly that I found my hand clutching my pencil tightly in an effort to keep my hands busy.

    I gulped, my heart somehow increasing in speed just by this sight alone, so nothing could prepare me for what I saw next.

    Now as she lifts her head up more, I jump in surprise seeing a bright; almost blinding pair of blue eyes staring back at me, causing me to jump up in fear in my seat.

    As I did so I heard a snicker, and slowly, I looked up, noticing how my head was resting on the desk.

    Looking around me I sighed in relief, everything was back to normal, everyone was looking bored and half asleep, the teacher was lecturing about "Romeo and Juliet", and as I turned back to the window, the woman was gone.

    I must have fallen asleep, I was dreaming again. But I couldn't remember when I had fallen asleep, surely I would remember putting my head down, but I couldn't.

    I must really be out of it today.

    "Have a nice nap," Max whispered over to me with an amused look.

    I wanted to groan at that.

    I must really have been asleep, so that meant that girl truly was just a figure of my imagination.

    I never knew I had this much of a creative mind, to come up with such a perfect girl to dream about.

    What was I saying; did I honestly want this dream girl to be real? I mean yes, she was beautiful, and perfect, but I wasn't looking to be involved with anything but my school work, and my basketball.

    Me, and girls… it just wasn't something I want. Girls are great yeah, and I want a girlfriend some day, but… no one here ever really interested me, they are all the same.

    And that wasn't something I found appealing. So did I want a girl… yes… from his school, or even more, from this town… not at all.

    "When did I fall asleep," I muttered rubbing my eyes with a sigh.

    "Like as soon as you sat down, not even I could get that bored, that fast," Rad snickered watching me, his head already laying on the desk as well.

    I sat up, noticing a few girls were turned around, watching back at us, and I rolled my eyes, ignoring them, and their giggling.

    I yawned, leaning back in my chair, noticing that my pencil was still clenched tightly in my hand.

    My heart now began to race as I stared down at my pencil, fear crawling up my spine.

    Don't tell me all that really happened… No it couldn't have, it was a dream; I felt myself wake up. I probably just fell asleep with my pencil in my hand.

    Slowly I let the pencil drop from my hand, feeling the stiffness of my fingers in doing so.

    That's when I noticed my wrist.

    Right beside the "R" that had been neatly written on my skin, was a cursive "U".

    My eyes widened, and I lightly ran my finger over the letters, feeling my whole arm warming when I made contact.

    What was going on, now I know something has to be up, there has to be a connection between my dream, and these letters on my wrist?

    How am I doing? 
    Thank you so much for your reviews
     
  14. Whoa. Intensity. BUMP!!!