heart thrumming. thump, thump, thump, thump. deep in the throes of my adolescent crisis, i am entirely aware of all of my bodily functions. i am so totally aware of the tremble in my knees, the working of my mouth to get it to smile as tears build behind my eyes. my shallow little nightmare come true. he shuffles his feet; this part of it is the worst. that he is blameless in this. his eyes are wide, terrified, and he reminds me of a goat. it makes me want to cry. and smile because that's ridiculous. my smile feels sticky, in a way, and a tremor runs up my arms, leaving gooseflesh. its a surreal experience. i want to throw up, my throat burns. but i won't, because that's gross for one, and i don't want him to see that. i don't want him to see any more of my flaws, terrified of him, of what he's just done. he's taken what i wanted to do for weeks and done it in days. i envy the careless look in his eyes, the burnt out sparkle. his words mean nothing, but he keeps talking, things like friends and being there, which is a bunch of crap, and both of you know it. yet he continues, droning mindlessly until i snap at him. stop. stop talking. we're not going to be friends. no, you're not going to be there for me anymore. no it's not the same and you know it. it feels like im talking in the ocean, the roar of my own ears drowning out the sound, my lips moving in slow motion, rubbery and jerky, forming half words. i don't want to be his friend anymore. friends aren't allowed those privileges. they aren't allowed to see or to feel or be like that or harbor any memories like that. friendships cannot be stained by romance, tainted by lust, because those emotions are reserved for someone else now, or no one. a sudden thought strikes me, i wonder when he'll start dating again. the thought makes me sick. someone else having him, having to deal with him, a load i deserve, hell, a load i've grown accustomed to. my chest aches. and then he leaves, leaves like he'll never be here ever again, and my face burns. i feel the urge to take a scalding hot shower. but instead, i stare after him, gaping, probably, as the world around me moves on. i hate him for doing this here. here, where everyone can see me. public. fuck.
It's not bad so far.Please capitalize the first word of every sentence and add paragraphs to the next updates, though, because that's easier on the eyes. I'd like to see where this goes. Bump!
Very descriptive. Which I love, outs me in the mind of the character. One word: Paragraphs. Also I hope you take the advice of Angel, it would improve your writing.
Gurllll dammit. One long mother fucking paragraph try spacing from time to time ya know. Make small paragraphs, or something Otherwise pretty good!!