things are never as they seem

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by IIsuperwomanII, Aug 17, 2013.

  1. ***Flash Back***

    It was the first day of school and the first day Lily-Ann started first grade. Fear filled her small body as she stood infront of the big metal doors of the school building. As she entered the school Lily-Ann was greeted by a young boy of the same age. James. Her newly found best friend

    ***PRESENT DAY***

    "Lily-Ann! Wake up! We're going to be late for school!" James yelled as he poured freezing cold water on poor sleeping Lily-Ann.

    "JAMES!!!" Lily-Ann screeched and frantically fell out of bed.
    Lily-Ann grew angered and lunged to attack James. Though her small stature was caught and brought to her best friends chest. James restrained Lily-Ann, chuckling at her as she furiously lashed out.

    James dropped Lily-Ann on to her soft full sized bed and laid next to her, holding her close.

    "James you're an ass." Lily joked

    "Ehh, But you love me." James retorted

    "Thats no reason to pour water on my to wake me up and make me deal with HIM!"lily whined
     
  2. Much better!! BUMP
     
  3. I'm working on the next part rite now
     
  4.  Bump!

    You Go Squishy, Love It. 
     
  5. I'm debating do I add new people now or make y'all wait
     
  6. Really…um ok
     
  7. All talk that is not bumping goes to the other threadplz and thanks you
     
  8. Remember punctuation and capitalizing names. I would suggest adding a bit more description, too. It seems a tad rushed.

    Also, this seems a little unrealistic. Who pours cold water on someone to wake them up? I've never seen that happen in real life.  That would get the bedding wet, not to mention her hair and clothes… it's very impractical.

    No one's writing is perfect, though. Everyone's writing always gets better with practice. Keep writing. And good luck with this.
     
  9. Iv pour water on someone to get them up. I was beaten senseless because of it but I did it
     
  10. Seriously? Did their sheets and pillow and floor get all wet because of it? Did you have to clean it all up? That's the downside to pranks. Cleaning stuff up.
     
  11. I didn't clean cause I did soak everything but made a swift exit
     
  12. get off my storyy there is another forum for chit chat