Dear Diary 

Dear diary;

Date: October 20, 2012

I think I'm going crazy, I'm hearing voices, I can hear Zada's laugh when I'm laying down, I see her in my dreams.

I have to stop this madness in my head, I got the phone call from the orphanage, they found Zada a wonderful home.

I met the future parents a few days back, they fell in love with her. Her future parents, the Wise's are fairly wealthy, they're not snobby nor anything close to how I pictured them.

They came here to North Carolina as teens for school and family, they met at college, Duke University and fell in love. Zada will have a younger brother named Casey and pets to play with.

It's a better life than I could have ever given her, Tasha would have wanted this for Zada as well. I know that Tasha will always be watching over her, I just need to stop crying.

Now, it's time to end my misery, unless the pills I took earlier ta--

 

 yes.

 

*Many years later*

"Hey, Zay are you coming with us to see the movie?" Casey asked at the door of my room. It was the new horror movie, based on a true story and supposed to be the scariest movie ever made.

I sighed, thinking it over, I had a few other things in mind as to what I would like to do. "No, Casey I have some work I need to do."

"What kind of work? Can I come?" He asked more enthusiastically than about the movie.

"I don't see why not," I smiled at him as I got up to get dresses, "go wait downstairs." He grinned happily and ran off, I could hear his thumping in the distance.

Casey is my brother, younger brother and we got along surprisingly well. I looked after him but since he was just seventeen, he could handle himself better than me. I always felt left out in this family, pictures said otherwise but I could feel a sense of not belonging.

I put together my black skinny jeans, soft pink muscle tank and black leather jacket, all that was left was my black, gold studded ankle boots.

After searching high and low my gazed them under my bed, just in arms reach, "ah ha!" I shouted, sitting down to put them on.

I bounced downstairs, "your outfits never seize to amaze me," Casey joked and I lightly hit his stomach.

"Ready?"

 

We took my moms SUV, a GMC black Yukon, it was pretty nice. Of course for the price paid I would expect it to massage my boobs. I guess the touchscreen navigation, heated seats and mirrors, good stock sound system, hands free shit I didn't quite understand was good enough.

"Where are we going, Zay?" Casey had always been the main one in the family to care most about the dreams and nightmares I have been having since I was ten.

"The house in my last dream, I seen it, Casey. I seen the address before I even seen the house. I have to find it." As crazy as it seemed, it didn't to me. I just wanted to put pieces of the puzzle together.

I followed the GPS by every road, left turn, right turn and how many miles until I heard the robotic girl voice, "you have reached your destination."

It was five-thirty, we still had plenty of light but to me it seemed scary as I was glaring at the two story log home, I had seen this house a thousand times in my dreams.

The wooden detailed French door had been left unlocked, probably for years with all the dirt and dust gathered around the porch. Casey pushed it open and was first to go inside as I watched, afraid something would grab him like in all the damn scary movies he's had me watch.

I stepped inside was suddenly hit with flashbacks, flashbacks that showed me standing in the basement crying as I watched something, I couldn't see.

 

Casey found out the lights worked from turning on the one for the living room. Near the light switch next to Casey was a wooden door, I stared at it, my heartbeat picking up speed.

Casey opened it waiting on me to walk over, from what I could see was only six small stairs leading down into the basement. I took the first step, turning on the light and decended down with Casey right behind holding my hand.

"Whatever drugs you take before bed to have these dreams, do me a favor, Zay. Burn 'em for me." He joked but I could sense a more caring seriousness in his tone.

As we rounded the stairs I seen what appeared to be a ratty, old, rusty, stained, worn out bed or lack there of. At the head was a small yellow couch pillow and on the floor lied a stained wooden baseball bat. Casey rubbed my back, beside the bed was two black plastic bowls that I figured was for eating and drinking from.

I was hit with another flashback, me standing here watching a helpless woman get beat, I'm crying as I watched.

I fell to the floor crying, nothing was making sense, I was in the very same basement where I watched a woman get beat and possibly died here. Where was my mom? Why didn't she come for me? Did she know I was down here? I had questions, none I could answer.

Casey helped me up and dusted off the dirt off of me and walked me upstairs. He continued looking around the living room as I ventured upstairs and faced with many doors, I chose the first one that faced me, a bedroom.

A bedroom perfect for a teenage boy with all the empty drink bottles and Copenhagen dip cans. On the right wall next to bed with a camouflage comforter was a small collection of pictures.

One in particular caught my eye, a boy, probably the one slept in here with a girl and baby. The girl was gorgeous, I had her green eyes, the baby had my eyes as well, but looked only a few months old. I ripped off the wall, holding it in my left hand as I tore down more photos.

"You ready?" I jumped and pictures scattered throughout the floor. Casey laughed as he walked over to help me pick up the pictures. I looked up to cuss out Casey but something had my attention, it looked like a book under the desk.

I crawled over and grabbed it and followed Casey out of the creepy house. I threw the car in drive and got the hell out of there, I took a deep breath, "you tell no one about this, Casey."

 

I ran in the house following Casey into his room, if anything I was going to find clarity in what happened to my parents.

I knew I was adopted, I just never knew my real parents names, the similarities in Casey and I were non-existent. He treated me no different, like I was family and never questioned it.

I looked to Casey as a brother and never any different, I grew up with this family. My second parents love me, Casey's friends considered me part of their pack and I accepted that.

I rushed to Casey's desk, plopped down and took out the pictures. I studied them each carefully, I ran my finger over them, I ran thoughts through my head.

"Casey, I think this is my parents." He walked over, picking up the photo and held it next to my face.

"Zada, you look just like her, that girl in the picture." I took the picture back, looking at it. My mom, absolutely gorgeous, her honey tan skin, green eyes, soft black hair like silk.

I looked closely at the baby version of me, my right eye had a brown speck, brown like my dad's eyes. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. I widened my eye and held it open as I leaned closer to my reflection, staring back was that same brown speck.

I smiled but tears fell down my cheeks, I just stood there happily smiling and crying. I found my parents, I finally found who I belonged to, my life had took on a new sense of meaning.

My mom had a different clothing style than I do, I was into muscle tanks, cropped belly tanks, ankle boots, ombre colored cut off shorts, anything with fringe, studs, off the shoulder shirts, skinny jeans, Vans and anything with my favorite songs or singers.

My mother kept her style simple; jeans with or without holes, t-shirts, long sleeves and hoodies. I liked that about her, she made simple look beautiful.

I sighed deep walking back to Casey's room, I was dreading opening that book I found.

 

I sat back down at Casey's desk with the book in my right hand, it's black leather and in gold it reads, 'diary,' I opened it up to the very first page.

"This diary belongs to: Tasha and Isaac. If lost please return to:" I couldn't make out the address except for 'road.'

I looked over at Casey, sitting on the bed right across from me. "You can do it," he whispered. I knew I could do it, it was just the matter of wanting to.

I scanned over the first diary entry not finding anything that could really help me. Then, I found it, in the second my name was mentioned. There it was, "Zada," staring back at me.

I flipped through pages quickly but I still took the time to scan at the words. I came to another interesting diary entry, my mom wrote, "I whispered to Isaac, "I'm still not over you..."" my heart dropped into my stomach.

"They broke up, I tried to bring them back together." I mumbled to Casey, my voice scratchy, I couldn't have been no more than four years old and I was trying to get my parents back together?

Tasha, my mom seemed to talk about it a lot in the diary. From what she wrote about she loved Isaac, my dad, but she just didn't want to get hurt again.

My mom had put up a lot with Isaac, she loved him and tended to overlook the cheating he did. I respect her for that, she stayed with a guy though he was doing her so wrong but she done it for me.