Alicia's Story I was just sitting, chilling with my new so called "best friends" Jason, Tyler, and Taylor when I knew my only real friend was Kyle. He is super rich, handsome, with his dirty blonde hair, hazel eyes and muscular body. Sometimes I couldn't take my eyes off him. I went over to him but then I saw her, Jocelyn, one of my "friends" all over Kyle. Tonight I really wanted to confess my love to him but I was probably too late. "Hey Alicia, didn't see you there." Kyle looked me up and down noticing what I was wearing. "You look great." I went all out tonight just for him, a black mini skirt and pink crop top with a cute heart necklace. My hair, that was brown, I put up in a braided bun with two heart shaped clips in my hair. And to finish it off, l wore my favorite pink pair of high heels. "Oh thanks." I smiled flirty not caring what Jocelyn was thinking. "Listen can we talk for a moment, I just need to tell you something." "Yea sure let-" Just before he was finished, Jocelyn cut him off. "No he doesn't want to, now can you leave us." OMG she smelled like a brewery, what was she drinking. "Kyle baby, lets go back to my place tonight we can have a lot of fun there rather than this boring club." She looked at me then stared into Kyle's eyes, reaching for his hand she put it up her shirt. I looked away in disgust. "Kyle you know what, that's ok we can talk tomorrow." I said coolly and walked out the club, my eyes tearing up not waiting for his answer. As I got in my 2013 Camero, I started to cry, putting my head against the wheel. I started thinking to myself: why do I even try? It doesn't work out in the end. So I sat in my car lonely with no one to hold and kiss me and tell me everything will be ok.
Right from the start it is romance. This story has no build up, not a back story, nothing. It has no hook. Unless you're purely appealing to tween girls with daddy issues, you probably need to fix this.