A friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep... Welcome to Night Vale. Bring precious metals and toddlers to the dog park. It is better to ask for permission than to beg for forgiveness. Watch the scientist, Carlos, at work. He has perfect hair. He is in Radon Canyon. He may develop cancer later in life due to radiation exposure. Old Woman Josie's angels will protect her. One of them is black. Look under your floorboards, you might find something. You are safe now. Turn on your radio and hide. How many living things have you touched today? Where are they now? Welcome to Night Vale.
Please, be aware that heat and wheat byproducts are now malevolent and violent supernatural forces capable of physically moving objects up to 200 pounds and entering human souls of up to Soul Strength 4.
The city council is putting Night Vale under an emergency state due to the ongoing and life-threatening wheat and wheat byproducts situation. The council states that anyone who has come into contact with wheat and wheat byproducts, and has, by some happy miracle, survived, should consider themselves infected, and proceed to the usual quarantine area just behind the playground in Mission Grove Park, there to spend the rest of their days in quiet contemplation and weaving.
Everyone else should head immediately to the wheat and wheat byproduct shelter that has been sitting, unused, for decades under the public library. When asked why a wheat and wheat byproduct shelter already existed, the city council answered simply: Prophecy. May you all be safe, may you all be well, may you be strong and flexible with ruddy cheeks and legs like tree trunks.
Some good news. All wheat and what byproducts have mysteriously vanished from Night Vale, and the city council promises that they will be gone forever.