I know your rage well. I was sweeping my back porch last week and had those awful things erupt out of a crack in the concrete. It was like a little volcano searching for a not-so-virgin sacrifice - me. They started swarming up my pant legs and I had to strip my jeans off hurriedly right there in the backyard. I ran inside the house and the fiends followed me! It took every ounce of willpower I possess to not have a mental breakdown. I gathered my wits (while hiding in the bathtub) and eventually gained the courage to go on the offensive. I took the lives of 77 in the kitchen with a steel-toe boot, and once I was able to return to the backyard I killed more than I can count with spray poison. There were bodies everywhere. Suffice to say that the back porch required another sweeping the next day, and while I tried to keep track of the number of casualties, I lost count somewhere after 500. I have not seen another earwig in my house or yard since. I do not know if their retreat has occurred out of fear of me or if they are simply regrouping and waiting for reinforcements in order to attack again. For now, I wait.
-.- and when I saw the title I was like "OH EM GEE! Pope declared war on all of PIMD? Lets do this!" Oh well -.-
I have them to...in my garden But I have found an earwig trap that works excellent. Empty cat food can, half filled with olive oil, put it in the ground...earwigs crawl in and drown. I am a champion of hundreds of earwig deaths!! Their little ghostly cries can be heard echoing through my tomato plants. The clinking sounds of tiny ghostly chains can be heard as I single handedly deal death to scores of them!!! Die earwigs DIE!!!!
I am going to use that as I prepare my defenses for what I can only imagine will be an earwiggy onslaught of epic proportions. Thank you, Squirrelly!
My allies are two chicks (yes, actual living poultry), my little brother (I guess his evilness will serve me good instead of painfully and slowly killing my sense of morality), my young neighbor who is pretty funny with his idea to drown some of them in a bowl of mustard, my pyromaniac self, some freshly gathered spiders, and a colony of ants that is in the progress of evolution. And I'm from Canada.
July 20th My offensive in the main kingdom is making miracle. I have made an interesting discovery. There are multiple products that are feared by the enemies. They do not enjoy being covered with vinegar, bleach, hot soapy water, and my shoes. The enemy seems to only show up at night. When set on fire, they make a funny sound; the sound of an extremely painful death. When I think of Réjeanne and my cookie again, it makes me extremely angry, and I show no pity. These foul beasts thought they could force me to permanently leave my much loved kingdom. They were fucking wrong. I have sprayed some kind of highly flammable perfume on some earwigs and set the subjects on fire. The flame was violet. It was extremely pleasing to see this colorful show, but washing the carbonized evidences on my floor was far less amusing. I have found their principal headquarters. Tomorrow will mark their doomsday. I will launch the agent P. It is my second night living as a political refugee. The floor is getting uncomfortable. The camping 'mattress' changes nothing to the sensation of sleeping on cement. My back hurts. My sleeping bag has decided to start some kind of allergic reactions on me. My eyes are red and scratching, my nose is impossible to empty, and my patience is shortened a lot. I will capture some earwigs in order to show them what is called the Hunger Games. But the rules changed. There will be no winners. The arena is already under construction. End of the communiqué
Today's D-Day. When the sun will go down, and the lights will stop being, when the darkness will rise, my victory or my defeat will be pronounced. The first reports came in, and there is no signs of earwigs' resistance. Further investigations will be made this evening, but the Agent P seems to have been more than successful. I now have to clean the feces left behind by the living poultry. They will be returned to their rightful owner soon. Seems like my holy kingdom is freed from the invaders, and my exile is now at its end. This is a message by the Great and Victorious -Abusive-Pope-
i seriously enjoyed reading this. you are good at picking words and arranging them to tell a story. Tho i had to google what earwigs are LOL ツ
Why thank you. I hope that my grammar mistakes were not too painful. And now, let's show you my refugee camp. I changed the mattress and added a pillow due to back and neck aches. That was horrible and I have to sleep there one more night before I can get back to my rightful land. I hope the size isn't too problematic. I don't know how to change it anymore.
Yeah... That's what I thought. Too big. I hope that's not too much of a problem, and that someone can learn me how to change the size.
seriously fantastic thread. Have been in stitches laughing at how truly amazing you guys tell your war stories. Best of luck out there soldiers. If ever I see an earwig, will stomp it in your name