While the jingle bells are jinglin' And the snow begins to fall And my Grandma makes some gingerbread cookies just across the hall I'm freaking 'bout what to get you And suddenly it occurs to me The best Christmas present is to rock your body underneath the fuckin' tree! I wanna rock you hard this Christmas I wanna fill your stocking with my candy cane of joy But have a very merry motherfucking Christmas I'm driving a love train down Santa Claus lane I'm your little drummer boy While the eggnog is all noggy And the fireplace all a-glow While our bodies are heatin' up in yuletide places down below I hope you like my present It was way too big to wrap I'm gonna get naughty all over your body Come sit on Santa's lap! I wanna rock you hard this Christmas I wanna fill your stocking with my candy cane of joy But have a very merry motherfucking Christmas We're driving a love train down Santa Claus lane I'm your little drummer boy (C'mon!) We'll be slushin' like snow angels till the morning We won't hear reindeer hoofin' up above We won't hear Santa coming down the chimney We won't see he and my Grandma making hot-ass cookie love He'll be here and explain and as he rides out of sight, he'll fuckin' say: "Granny I rocked you hard this Christmas I filled your stocking with my candy cane of joy So have a very merry motherfucking Christmas" And the world will start rejoicing And the choir boys start to sing And the lords of leaping give the ladies in waiting And there's five ass golden rings And the seven pipers are piping The eight maids are milking in the snow And I'll be happy when I'm gettin' all nappy by my Christmas ho, ho, ho! Have a very merry motherfucking Christmas! Peace on earth, we are the world, and frickin' kumbaya! Have a very merry motherfucking Christmas! Deck the halls with your Christmas balls! Fa la la la la la, FA LA LA!