I have a problem. Some of you have this problem too. We feel worthless. Worthlessness: Feeling unnecessary, unloved, or uncared for. Believing that you are the human equivalent of Feeling like if you were to die no one even notice. Side Affects: Negativity, Bullying of others, Hatred of the world, pessimism, depression, occasional suicidal thoughts, attention seeking, kissing ass, lost identity due to the constant changing of yourself to fit the demands of others, pulling away from others, and need to please. On the outside I am sickly sweet, unbearably pleasant, funny, caring, happy, bubbly, utterly fascinated by everything and everyone. I am constantly smiling, laughing, giggling, putting the best darn show I possibly can. ? PSYCHO HAPPY but......I'm not. I'm not happy. I am. And I'm not. It's a strange feeling that comes over me sometimes. I feel like I'm missing something. I put up all these barriers and tear myself down on the inside. It's horrible really. I don't know why I do it. I have a good life. I have friends. I have my future entirely planned out. I'm apparently destined to receive scholarships. I'm not lucky, I'm blessed. SO WHY AREN'T I HAPPY?! There's this gnawing feeling in my stomach. It's there right now. I can't let it take over. Once it takes over.....well that's it. I'm done for. I grow cold. Everything and everyone is dark. I talk sharply, with an edge in my voice. To hell with happiness is what comes to mind. Happiness is a lie. I become a destroyer. I'd destroy you if you gave the chance.......if I had the guts....I'd destroy myself. BUT I AM NOT WORTHLESS I SAY!!!!! THEY TELL ME I MATTER AND I THINK....I hope that they care but but but the voices. The old voices....they make me feel worthless. And I can't breathe. I can't breathe when it's heavy on my heart. I believe it all. I believe it all. And I am worthless. This is my struggle. This is what I've been fighting. This is what I don't want to talk about. This is why I go "emo" sometimes. This is the source of the dark days when everyone who sees me asks "Alice.....Alice, are you alright?" So I smile the best I can and they smile. They feel better. They think oh look she's alright now and applaud themselves for simply asking a question. Oh gosh, they don't know me. They just know I'm there to cheer them up. I am the one they can rely on to be an endless ray of sunshine. That's who I aim to be. I want to shine bright like the sun on the inside too, so I'll pretend. I'll fight the darkness the comes over me, and smile always smiling with arms open for hugs, and laughing that never ends. I am happy. Say it with me: "Alice is happy."
Lots of people feel this way. They just never voice it. I hate pity, yet I like attention. >.> so if you wanna call me out and say I'm a drama queen or an attention seeker. You are correct. Well it feels like I am.
Alice, you know I'm here for you. We've talked about it before. I feel the same way as you do. Blessed to have a lot of the wonderful things you could possibly achieve to make my life easier as I grow older. I know what that feeling inside that tells you something is missing and you have no clue what it is. I know far too well. I'll gladly talk to you about all these things and try to help you find a way to get rid of that. You know where to find me, dear.
Pointless thread seriously no need to post this on a damn Internet game if you were going to expect trolls why did you write this and yes you are an attention seeker she just wants people to feel bad for her like is she's special we'll your not there is more people out there like you millions that feel the same way even 10xs worser then you do