Y'all could you take this to pm?.....not wanting to be rude but this thread is for a story not y'all's bickering.....
Red Tiger, don't put other people down just because you feel like it. Like Chloe-sama said, you probably can't even write yourself. The op was being very polite and patient with all the feedback she was giving. I suggest you take your rude comments somewhere else because it is not welcome on this thread by anyone but yourself. Your lack of respect for the op makes me want to puke because it's just unnecessary and impolite. Give her real feedback and tell her things she can work on instead of bringing her down with your stupid remarks in which can hurt somebody pretty bad. If you don't like the story then get off the damn thread. Kthxbye bye -Katie Btw I have a tip for the op! When they are speaking, I am glad you took the reader's advice in changing to "" and stuff but the proper way to use them is like: "Hi Miranda!" shouted James. It had been a while since he had seen her. "Morning," replied Miranda. "How are you?" he asked. "Fine." She was happy to see him as she hasn't seen him for a while though she wanted to. You would put them on a new line every time. I don't know if you understand what I mean. But if you don't, check out my stories 0.0 (AM NOT ADVERTISING) But anyways, I really like your story, it's coming along nice please continue and wall me when you update
First off I just want to say that I came to this thread looking for a story, not a bunch of pointless and negative arguments.I do believe this story has major potential. All we have to do is unlock it. The only things you need to improve on are grammar and a little bit of organization(but mainly grammar). I'll break it down for you (WARNING:I haven't used BB coding in forever so this and future ones may be a fail.) GRAMMAR This is your weakest point in your story. I'm not going to sugar-coat it. Your grammar sucks. But no need to fear! A few edits and you'll be a-okay Dialogue: In the first chapter how you wrote your dialogue was a bit confusing, but later on in the story you did change it to standard form. The only thing I recommend for dialogue is spacing. When ever you start a new line of dialogue do a single or double space, whichever you prefer(though I myself like to use double space unless I indent, but indenting on here is quite troublesome). ---------- Here's an example: "Ouch!" I winced as I stubbed my toe on the corner of the beaten down couch, "That really hurt!" "Do you need some ice for that, sweetheart?" Ally snarled. "Whatever," I mumbled under my breath, rolling my eyes at her snide remark. ---------- As you see this format is much cleaner and easier to read than your current one. It may take a smudge bit longer, but trust me, it pays off in the long run. Spacing: Always, always, ALWAYS, put a space after ANY type of punctuation. It makes it cleaner and is one of the basic rules of typing a piece of writing. Without spacing it tends to look mashed together and unattractive, putting a strain on the readers' eyes. In this sub-section I will show two different example, tell me which one seems more attractive. ---------- EXAMPLE 1 "I love you!"I exclaimed."I'll never leave you again" I really meant it,deep down from the bottom of my heart.How she looked that day,oh!even the heavens must had envied her beauty."I love you too John,always have, always will."She said.From that day on I knew nothing would ever separate us again. EXAMPLE 2 "I love you!" I exclaimed, "I'll never leave you again." I really meant it, deep down from the bottom of my heart. How she looked that day, oh! Even the heavens must had envied her beauty. "I love you too John, always have, always will." she said. From that day on I knew nothing would ever separate us again. ---------- I'm guessing most of you choose Example 2. See, simple spacing can make even a tangled mess transform into a graceful swan. (P.S. It also gives readers the illusion that you're writing more when you're really not!) Spelling: Overall your spelling is average. Just a few simple mistakes like "your" instead of "you're", a mistake that all of us writers make. Spellcheck and (believe it or not) autocorrect (Yes Autocorrect! What a surprise!) can easily fix those mistakes. ORGANIZATION The organization(how your story progresses) is at a good pace, but I do recommend to slow it down a notch and add more details. You can never have too many details(well actually you can, but you get the point). I do like the idea of your story so far....yeah I think that's about it! I hope you apply some of my criticism to your piece. Happy writing! ***If anyone would like to add something or fill in anything I may have missed out please do so!*** ᎡᎧᏕᏋ
Thank you! Ah That's what I've been trying to get at with this thread. The point of potential and the extra tips I didn't know how to explain properly. Okay I'll be quiet on the subject and just give it a:
{Oh and (sorry for double post) about how arguements really should be left on a wall or in PM and we weren't here for arguements}
This story really does have potential, and in the next couple of updates, you could develop your weaker skills. Take Rose's advice .
I do not want to continue this story ON THIS TYPE OF PLATFORM. I think that it would be better for me if I wrote this story somewhere else because for 1. There is too much arguing, 2. The rude comments are becoming annoying and every time I read one I LITERALLY get a headache. I might continue but that is a HUGE might. Thank you for all of the POSITIVE feedback and support I have been given. I might return next Friday after my birthday July 3rd. Again thank you all! And......... yes I will be back!
Happy early birthday! And I'm not sure if fanfiction.net would take it but maybe deviantart or tumblr. Good luck! Have a happy birthday!
Happy early birthday. Thank you for being so mature and taking all of the comments, even the negative ones, rationally and even asking for feedback. I wish you the best of luck on you story
Happy early birthday as well. >.< I'm sad that you won't continue the story because of asses on the web that can't get past the Stone Age in the way of thinking, where they can barely form words to make sentences that make actual sense. I really dislike that they can cause someone to stop writing and I suggest that you keep writing because in their minds, they think they have won.