*****These are not real events that have happened to me and this is not my name******* Intro: My name is Ashley. My dad died when I was 3 of cancer. I only have my mom now. It's ok, i guess but sometimes I wonder how I would be if he were still here. I'm 17 and getting ready to go to my 3rd year of high school. Talk about hell on earth. Chapter One: Today is the first day of school and I don't want to get up. So I finally get up and do all the hygiene shit and get dressed. I put on tight white booty shorts,black crop top,and hooker heels. My mom HATES the way I dress. But guess what? I DONT GIVE A FUCK. I walk to to bus stop,and as soon as the guys set eye site on me they stripped me with their eyes. Derek: Hey,sexy. Jake:Ayee turn around so I can get a look at that ass for a memory when I jack off tonight! Brandon: I wanna tap that! And so on and so forth. There is one other guy that's there. He sat on the farrest end of the bench. Everyone pretty much sees him as nerd.He is,but he is kinda cute. But not the type of boy I want to be with. The bus came and we go to school. All the boys stared at me even the bi and lez girls! I love the attention I'm getting.It makes me feel sexy. I know I'm sexy but this is just confirming it. I'm walking in my homeroom and right now I'm seeing the shittiest thing ever. Angela. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What do you think so far? Should I keep going? Leave your comments down below. I need at LEAST 3 REAL comment to keep going. Thanks for reading this chapter!
Hmmm grammar checks and when the people talk it's like a text...... Try to do something like "Let's go!" Brandy said. Just an opinion
The problem with that type of writing style with this story is that it would make the story sound weird to me.but i will try to incorporate that in my writing. Thank you!
I personally do not like this style of writing. You need to use better grammar checks and seperate people talking. Or at least use "" or something. Also, maybe you will have it later in the story but why is she craving for attention. All of us are in our own way but why is Angela. Her dad dying doesnt feel like that big of a deal.
Chapter 2: Ashley: WHAT??!! Mrs.Gill: Ma'am you need to have a seat! First off, you are late to class on the first day of school,Second, you come in my class and yell! Ashley: But- Mrs. Gill: NOW! I sit down.Great,just great. First I have Ms. Hollywood Angela in my homeroom then I have a teacher who ALREADY got the chance to yell at me the second I walked in the room. Can things get any worse? While Mrs. Gill was going over school expectation crap, I looked around and saw the one person who I despise the most.Angela, sitting right behind me. She gave me the evilest smile. I saw the evil in her eyes, she was gonna get me and when she got me there would be no escape. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sorry that this chapter is so short. Im tired and going to bed. Leave your comments and things that I could improve on below. Next chapter coming up tommorow!
You will see as the story progresses how her dad comes into play. Also why she craves for attention is going to be adressed.
Uh....fix your grammar mistakes. Actually use sentences for every thing and not use text talk. It honestly looks like a nine year old is writing this.
*******I'm trying the standard writing style only for today.If I feel comfortable with it I will continue.******* Chapter 3: The bell rings to go to lunch and as I'm walking something pulls me back by my shirt. "Miss me?" whispers a voice.I whipped around and saw her,Angela."Get the **** away from me!" I say. " Look *****, you can't get rid of me! Baby girl, you might not be alive at the end of this school year.Look at you,all dressed like the ***** you are. You looking to get someone else's boyfriend again? Huh? Get some girl in jail for 2 years?" " He didn't want you! Get the **** over yourself Angela. You tried to ******* KILL ME! You dumb *****." She slapped me! I took her by the hair and threw her on the floor and started beating her in the face with my fists. ****! She hit me in the nose! I started bleeding and she got on top of me punched me a couple of times and then I flip her off me. I start beating her head against the lockers. Some of Angela's crew and other students broke us apart." Oh yeah,*****! I will **** you UP!" Angela yelled. I start back up walking to lunch and I spot some of my friends at one if the lunch tables. Keira,Neveah,Kali,and Julianna. I get my lunch then start walking toward their table. As I'm walking I collide with someone and my lunch goes everywhere. I look up and see the cute nerd from the bus stop.
Word of advice: there's always a space after a punctuation mark. eg. I put on a floral patterned tank top, denim shorts, and plain navy blue sandals. I can't wait for tonight's event! Eeeeeeeep!! ^ just a really crap example of correct punctuation use
And That's bypassing Like if "apple" were filtered and wouldn't let you type the whole thing without being replaced with * and you go "a*ple!" that's bypassing so don't do that because you will get silenced
@DMA-snowwhitekitten- I believe that I am using complete sentences. A sentence consists of a noun,verb,beginning capital letter,punctuation, and proper spelling. That is exactly what 98% of my story consists of the other two percent is a mistake that I have accidentally overlooked. I am not incompetent,ignorant,or dumb. I just happen to write my stories a different way than you. Don't be so closed minded.