A Royal Choice

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by iDontLikePeople2, May 11, 2013.

  1. Author's Note
    Hi readers!I'd just like to thank all of the readers of my last story, Long Live The Queen, and I hope you all enjoy the sequel!Put your hands together for...

    A Royal Choice



    Chapter One
    Occasion

    I stared out of the large palace window at the rows of white chairs in the American Garden. It was mid July, the perfect setting for the joining of two people in holy matrimony. Alice stood behind me, pulling my long brown hair into a French plait with her warm, tanned fingers.

    "I don't know about this," I said in an unsure tone. "The dress, the shoes, the guests, the cake, the flowers-"
    "Everything has to be perfect!" Alice interrupted.

    The Princess' gentle fingers ran through my hair, not tugging, pulling it perfectly into shape. She was right, everything had to be perfect. Today was my day. Everybody outside for happy for me, except maybe a handful of people. Noelia, Eleanor, and, of course, Carl.
     
  2. Gee, Logan, subtle much?
    Well, anyways, this actually sounds really interesting because it's my type of genre so I'd be waiting for an update!
     
  3. Carl was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a white, button-down shirt. He obviously didn't care enough to try. I sighed heavily, and Alice dropped my hair.
    "What's up now?" She asked me, slightly irritated.
    I glanced at her in the mirror, and she had a fairly vacant look on her face.
    "Nothing," I replied, and looked down at me knees.

    I heard a small creak, and my mother slowly strolled into the large dressing room, wearing a blue dress-suit and hat. She put each hand on either side of her nose, and smiled.
    "You look beautiful!" She exclaimed, then took her hands off her face and clapped them together.
    "Thanks, mum," I replied, and smiled at her, embarrassed.

    Alice skipped towards a large wardrobe at the back of the room, and got out the dress, covered by a long, black case.
    "Incase James wanted a sneak-peek." She giggled, it sounded like wind chimes.

    She danced towards me and took the case off, revealing a beautiful satin gown, with laced sleeves. I gasped, and almost cried with excitement. It was the first time I'd dressed up, except from the Regal Parade last year, where I met James.

    Alice took the dress off the hangar and slipped it over my head. I stuffed my arms into the slightly too tight sleeves, then looked down at myself. I looked stunning.
     
  4. She placed a bouquet of lilies in my manicured hands, and smiled happily.
    "You look amazing, Ella," she began "James is very lucky!"
    "Thanks." I didn't know how else to reply.

    I thought about Carl again when his elder sister, Eleanor, waltzed into the room. She was nearly as graceful as Alice. She perched on a chair not far from where I stood, and cleared her throat.
    "Sorry I'm late," she excused. "I was, um...comforting my brother."
    I nodded in acceptance and smiled at her. She was the only member of the Bennett family that I knew wouldn't ruin this.
     
  5. She looked at me suspiciously, then stared at the floor, as if ashamed of herself. I cocked my head to one side in confusion, but neither Alice or my mother noticed.

    I felt Alice's soft fingers straightening the sleeves on my gown, and I snapped out of my suspicion. I smiled at her subtly, and then looked at myself in the mirror.

    I didn't see Elouise Barnes - or Elouise Parry, if you want to use technical terms - I saw a beautiful bride. She had white skin, perfect green eyes and stunning brown hair. This was somebody I vaguely recognised, but I began to see traces of myself. The shape of my nose, much like my mother's. The way I blinked more than usual. It was amazing. Alice was a genius.



    I stood at the top of the isle, round the corner from the two-hundred guests. I clutched my father's arm for dear life when the music began, and he looked at me with a depressed expression, as if he would never see me again.
     
  6. It was true, he probably wouldn't see me again. This gave me all the more reason to stay at the reception as long as I could; I also had to say goodbye to Carl, Noelia and Eleanor.

    I stared going through memories in my head as we got closer to the corner. I remembered when James and I told my dad about the engagement. I remembered the trip to the hospital, when I found out my best friend was a monster. When James proposed that night on the hill. When I went to the Regal Parade. When my mother invited me to Coasta-Luna. When my father and I moved to Scotland. When my mother left...

    A tear rolled down my overly made-up cheek; my dad turned to whisper in my ear.
    "Are you alright?" He asked.
    "Never better," I lied.

    I could see the rows and rows of chairs. My friends, family. Everybody stood up, and my grip on my dad's arm became too much for him to bare.
    "Relax," he told me.
    I nodded and we carried on walking.

    The silk train of my dress dragged behind us, my feet scuffing along the lawn in the six-inch heels Alice got me. Everybody was watching.

    "Nearly there," he promised.
    I nodded once more, and I got more confident when I saw the beautiful figure standing just ten yards away. I felt my cheeks go red under the blusher, and my hands began to wobble. But I continued, knowing it would all be worth it in the end.

    I reached the archway where James and the Minister stood, and we joined hands. Everybody sat, Carl was the last to be seated. The Minister cleared his throat, and spoke in a clear, wise voice.

    "Ladies and Gentlemen. We are gathered here today to witness the union of Elouise Amethyst Barnes, and James William Charles Wooten." The Minister announced.

    A smile ran from ear to ear, and tears formed in the corners of my eyes. I thought again about my entire existence, and why James had arrived in my life so late.

    The ceremony flew by, and I was happy that James showed the same emotions I was.
    "I do," I said.
    "I do," he followed.
    "Then, I pronounce you husband and wife!" Announced the Minister, and James pressed his soft lips against mine. It felt tender, strong, he'd never kissed me this way before.

    He pulled away before I could, and I saw Alexandrina from the corner of my eye. She had been let out of the hospital for today only. She was thin, and weak. Nevertheless, I was glad she came.
     
  7. This is so good! Please continue 
     
  8. The reception was held in the Italian Garden, a large patch of grass, south of the palace, bordered with flowers of all colours. I was approached several times, of course, because I had just got married. James kept me pinned to his side, as if I was a trophy he was keen to show everybody.

    I was approached by James' distant cousins, who were just like him. They were all beautiful, there were three girls and just one boy, each one as flawless as the next. I let my mouth hang open without realising, and shut it quickly as soon as I did. The first girl stepped forward.

    "You must be Ella," she greeted.
    "Yes," I replied, and she pulled me into a warm embrace.
    "Ella, dear, these are my cousins. Katrina, Elizabeth, Deborah and Alistair," announced James; he said their names in order of their position.

    I was then hugged by Elizabeth, a pale ginger girl, then by Deborah, a brunette with brilliant green eyes. Katrina, who was light blonde, glared at Alistair, a short boy of about fifteen, who looked as though he was in pain.

    "Hello," he said, and tilted his head.

    I chose to ignore Alistair's reaction, and, as they walked off, I noticed Elizabeth whispering quietly in Deborah's ear, then they looked back at me and James. Again, I ignored this, and tried to get on with the rest of the evening.
     
  9. Really good. 
    Try to add more details.
     
  10. Only a small update!

    Half-way through the reception, James thought it a good idea to pull me onto the dance floor. I followed reluctantly, and he pressed me against his chest, and wrapped his arms around my waist. I stared up at his perfect face, and I couldn't help but feel like nothing next to him. It was like, a mansion, next to a bungalow. The bungalow was nice, but not near as nice as the mansion.

    James noticed my thoughtful expression and put on finger under my chin. He lifted it a fraction, then stared at me with his deep, blue eyes. Maybe I should tell him I feel, I thought.
    "What's wrong?" He asked.
    "Nothing," I lied.
     
  11. Mel's Review Station


    Story: A Royal Choice


    Written by: -HS_Brooke-Noodles


    Extra Information: Sequel to
    Long Live The Queen!


    Originality~
    'Royal Wedding' is the main theme so far in the story, I have seen similar stories about that but I found yours to bring a certain unique vibe about it.

    Interest~
    For a girl not into all the royal stuff I enjoyed reading your take on it. The wedding was at a good pace, sometimes the delivery of the detail was too much in one mouthful but the images you were trying to depict mean well. Sometimes I got confused while reading it but I easily got back on track.

    Characters~
    I didn't really get to experience much of the characters emotions besides from the happiness of the wedding. The characters were however described in wonderful detail but for one or two if you want to get into the story and not get so lost I recommend reading the first story. (Long Live The Queen!)

    Grammar~
    Nothing about the grammar was pointed out while reading the story so I commend you for it. The set up of your updates are nice, short ones perfect for anyone looking for a good quick read but you also balanced it out with longer updates here and there.


    Summary Review~
    I would recommend it to readers who enjoy romance and royals. Or who just want to read a quick, nicely updated story.


    ~Thank you for letting
    me review your story.~
     
  12. Thanks, Mel.
     
  13. Chapter Two
    A Journey

    James dropped his hands from my waist, and led me into the palace. In the doorway, we saw Alice, and she handed me what look like a blue dress and a pair of black heels.
    "What're those for?" I asked her.
    "Well," she began "unless you want to go to the airport in that," - she pointed at my wedding dress - "you might need these."
    "Thanks,"
    "And," - she took out a diamond necklace from her pocket - "this." She beamed, placing the fine piece of jewellery in my hand.
    "Thanks, again,"

    She handed James a button-down shirt and jeans, then he lead me inside and up the staircase. He stopped outside the room I had got ready in, and then he smiled.
    "I'll leave you to change," he said.
    I nodded back then entered the room, where the tailor helped me out of my dress.

    *

    I was ready in no time, and I stood waiting outside the room for James. It took him a while; it felt as though he'd forgotten me. I looked at my watch numerous times, but he didn't show.

    I sat on the floor, and sighed. Just then, a tall, pale figure came striding towards me.
    "Hey!" He said, and pulled me into a tight hug.

    It was a nice hug, warm, and welcoming. It reminded me of my best friend. The person I spent everyday of my childhood with. It reminded me of -
    "Carl!" I exclaimed. "What're you doing here?" I asked him.
    "I came to see you, of course," he let go of my then bowed. "Your Majesty," - he paused to kiss my hand - "how enchanting it is to meet you!"
    I giggled.
    It was Carl
    Carl.
    The only person who could ever cheer me up.
    Carl.

    He stopped laughing then he turned to face me, with a serious look on his face.
    "Ella," he said, and sighed a great sigh. "Darn it!" He punched the wall.
    "Carl! Carl!" I tried to distract him. "What's going on?"
    Then I realised I made a mistake. He was holding back tears, and he looks as though he was in pain.
    "You," he started fiddling with my hands. "You're gone. You're not my little Ells anymore. You're with- with- with that ... thing," he was now shaking with anger.
    I didn't know what else to do, so I hugged him as tight as I could. He pressed his lips against my head.
    "You're gone. Forever. To- to that ... family,"
    I suddenly remembered the on-going feud between Carl's and James' families.
    "You're dead to me now, Ella," he said in a flat tone.
    He freed himself of my arms, then he walked away.
     
  14. That's so rude of Carl to say that! Great story btw
     
  15. ~Small update~

    I stood there ... motionless ... cold. Had Carl really just said that, I thought.

    Suddenly, James emerged from the room opposite to where I was standing. He noticed straight away that something was up.
    "What happened?" He asked me.
    "Carl ..." I replied.

    James' eyes were full of hate. He pulled me into a hug, and I wrapped my arms around him tightly, leaning against his solid chest.
     
  16. Bumpity Bump.
    Can't wait to see the effect.