"Look I just don't think I know right now Robin" was the last thing I said to my on again off again girlfriend. Do I love her Oh course but do I want to stay down to her just don't know yet. We're young we've been with only each other for 5 years. How do we know we are meant to be if we haven't experienced something new. Speeding down the highway, feeling extremely good from the news I just received, I call my boy James. Sees if he's trying to hit up a club tonight or do something. Pull up to my condo, checks the mail nothing new. "Finally you pick up man ! What's up for tonight. I just got paid and no girl down my back. I'm up for whatever, ight I'll be there". Walks in to only see my place destroyed and Robin on my kitchen counter. " Wow this what we do now." "If you'd picked up when I called this wouldn't have happen. Now apologize to me." Thinks to myself she must be out her rabbit mind if she think I'm gone apologize for saying how I feel.
Make sure to put if into paragraphs please. It's a way that you can add more detail. A few grammar but its alright. And make sure to add more details, so it can make a reader grasp the story.
Walks out. She can have it the house, the car, the money. Nothing matters to me anymore. Drops my keys in the hallways, and just walks as Robin calls my phone over and over. Turns off my phone throwing it in the pond. Laying on James couch, thinks about the struggle I have to go through to keep Robin at peace and how I'm not sure if I'm happy. Until Amy walks in. Jumps up, looks at her shocked. " Amy? Amy Berry? Haven't seen you in years girl. Can ya boy get a hug". Hugging Amy I remember our past. Growing up with her and James. All the sly games we played. Mann she was amazing at everything. "How have you been Thomas? It feels like ages. " " I've had my ups and downs. You would know this if you didn't move to Atlanta. Haha". She pushes me slightly smiling. I catch a glimpse of her grey eyes as she looks back in mine. Dammn I've missed her
. . Eh, it's a decent start however there are some things you can do to improve... . . •Put punctuation in speech. For example: "This is going to take ages," Gerard mumbled. (Make sure it goes inside the speech marks, and not outside.) . . •Use full sentences. For example: [Bad] Walks out and drops keys. [Good] The boy walked out of his house, his mind so distracted that he didn't notice the slip of his keys, now laying abandoned on the tiled floor. . . • Be detailed. Self explanatory really. . . • Proof read. Quite a lot of mistakes. . . • Use a paragraph space in between each speech to make it clearer. For example: . . Jess glared at her friend, raising an eyebrow. "Do we have to go?" . . The boy let out a chuckle, rolling his eyes at his friends' attitude. "Yes... " . . That's about it; I don't want to say too much. It's an alright story, it just needs some improvements.