________ *********** ________ I woke up in a dark alley. I wasn't aware of my surroundings. I had no idea where I was. I felt different. I struggled to get off of the cold pavement. It wasn't working. I looked up. Brick wall. I looked behind me. Brick wall. "I'm trapped. How did this happen?" I muttered. I knew it was no use trying to get up, so instead I used what little energy I had to yell for help. ... ... ... If only I knew it would do no good. ________ *********** ________
________ *********** ________ I woke up. It was bright. I looked up. "What? But... There was a brick wall there last night. I could've sworn there was." I walked towards the light. The closer I got the more it hurt. I fell to the ground. It echoed it sounded like you could hear it from miles away. "Hello? Anyone here?" a mysterious voice asked. I jumped up and searched around for the voice, but I had no idea where it was coming from. "Who are you? Show yourself!" I admit I was frightened. I had no idea what was going on. "Walk towards me. You'll be fine trust me." the voice replied. "Show yourself." I repeated. Coming out of the light was a figure. Tall and skinny was all I could see. Finally, the figure was close enough to see. Man. Black hair. Blue eyes. 5"5. "Who are you?" I asked. "No time for that." the man replied. ... ... ... Next thing I knew, we were running into the light. ________ *********** ________
. Hm... I like this. It has an interesting start, and makes me want to know more. I feel like the story has good potential, but there are a few things you could maybe do to make it a bit better. For example, you could perhaps go into more detail? Also, generally when a different person speaks there is a line in between each space, as to not cause confusion; I'm possibly wrong though. In some of the speech marks there was a full stop, where I think a comma should have been too, but that doesn't really matter. Anyways, I really like this, so good job. XD Please don't get offended reading this. It's just constructive criticism, and I really like your story so far!
иσтє fяσм αυтнσя: ∂єαя яєα∂єяѕ, тнαикѕ fσя ѕтαуιиg ωιтн мє тняσυgнσυт тнιѕ αмαzιиg ʝσυяиєу ιи ωяιтιиg тнιѕ ѕтσяу. ι нσρє уσυ'νє єиʝσує∂ ιт, вυт ι'м ѕα∂ тσ ѕαу, ιт'ѕ єи∂ιиg. ι'м яєαℓℓу ѕσяяу gυуѕ. ι иєνєя gєт тσ ωяιтє fσя уσυ, вє¢αυѕє σf ѕ¢нσσℓ, gєттιиg gяσυи∂є∂, αи∂ тнιѕ ѕυммєя ι ʝυѕт нανє ωαу тσ мαиу тнιиgѕ тσ ∂σ. тнιѕ gσєѕ fσя αℓℓ му ѕтσяιєѕ. єνєяувσ∂у'ѕ gσт ѕσмєвσ∂у вυт мє