The rain pours down hard. I feel as though I'm being pelted by a million tiny bullets. I regret going to Ashleys party. It was a bad idea. I don't even like ashley. My shoes make squishy sounds as I walk through the alleyway. I regret wearing these converses on the rainiest day of the year. I regret having a crush on Trey. I regret accepting treys invitation to Ashleys party. I regret telling Trey so many of my deepest secrets. And now I'm screwed. I'm walking through a creepy alleyway on a Friday night because I blew off my best friend Skylar. I can hear the sound of a car screeching it's brakes. I look up and see the car parked in front of the alleyway. I walk faster. Squish. Squish. Squish. Someone opens the door of the car. Squish. Squish. Squish. I walk even faster now. I hear the person who is apparently a male, yelling,"Veronica! Come here baby!" He is obviously drunk. I'm not Veronica. I stop. I turn around and sprint down the alleyway. I hear the cardoor slam. And I hear it driving towards me. I sprint even faster. My calves and my thighs are pleading for me to stop but I can't. I have to get away. Who knows who that creeper is. I hear the car behind me. And I hear a scream
Good aspects: Hmm, it's okay. I like the way you've made it hook the reader. Improvements: •Use a line like this for the gap between paragraphs. •Be a little more descriptive. Don't over do it though. It's just so we can picture the scene and/or the character/s. •Don't rush things. I could tell you were doing that to hook the reader but it can begin to get confusing. I think that's fine so far, but if continuous I'm not sure. •Have a new line for dialogue. •Don't go down the cliché love route. Advice for the future.. Other than that it is actually pretty good.
No. It's perfectly fine. Write the way you want (except the grammar. It would be harder to read if the words aren't spelled correctly) because its your story. You don't need to put spaces if you don't want to and your description is perfect.
It's just advice, no need to get touchy If you want to be a better writer and become a successful Author then you have to take advice from people. All Authors need advice, if you don't like it then no need to say something about it.