The sequel to....... The want for you A collab with.............. Snow!!!!! Hope you enjoy ~<>~~~~<>~~~<>~~~<>~~~<>~~~<>~~~<>~~~~<>~ Aliza stepped onto the school grounds and looked around at the school where so much had happened. Here she and Daniel had met and fallen in a forbidden love. Here she and Daniel had fought making her go out with Kyle who had been everything Aliza could think of as the perfect guy. Though in the end her messed up parents had droven him insane. Here Melissa and Hunter who had been at the shoot out where Kyle had tried to kill Aliza, pretended with their friends that nothing had happened. Though the looks they would share proved that they indeed still remembered. Aliza had moved up the year and was now enjoying her final year here. Her birthday was in 4 months, on the 25th she would finally turn 18 and be able to come out with her relationship with Daniel. He wouldn't let them do anything but talk and maybe hold hands..... In private. Daniel didn't want to get me in trouble or loose his teachers lincence. It was his dream to help nurture young minds and teach. Now it was his second year teaching and he really didn't want to mess it up. Aliza entered through the front doors and started the day by knocking right into a girl. "Oh I am sorry-" 'Oh I am sorry-' They both stopped talking and Aliza laughed and stood lifting the girl up by her arm to her feet. "I'm Aliza." The girl nodded and her long dirty blonde ponytail bounced up and down. Her mouth broke out into a grin and it seemed like her grey eyes sparkled. "I'm Gina, I'm um new here." Aliza could tell, the map of the school and all new books were like a flashing sign. The bell gave it's shrill call and Gina rushed off calling over her shoulder,"Hope we can see each other at lunch!" She laughed as she saw the pony tail weave through the crowded hallways. Even this year Aliza could see promised some excitement. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Loveyou all so much and I am so excited for this sequel keep bumping The want for you for future readers if ya want Love~ Jen
I think you actually have improved. I'm glad that Daniel made a logical decision in regards to their relationship. One thing, however, gotta keep your point of views straight-I caught a me in there. While I don't agree with the topic of the story, this felt more...coherent.
Qinny that means so much to me that you read it I promise to be more careful and triple check! You are my favorite Critic so I am making you my offical one haha Qinny is the offical critic
Aliza settled down in to a seat by the window. The sun light gleaming through the window. Setting off the deep burgundy tresses of her hair. A small smile playing on her lips. She felt confident that this year would be great. A nudge at her side broke her out of her thoughts. She looked up to see a familiar face. Hunter. He gazed at her with a gentle expression, " Hey, this seat taken? ", He asked her while motioning to the seat next to her. She shook her head, " Nope, you can sit there if you'd like. ", She replied and turned her head to stare out the window. That night that she had gotten shot. Replayed in her head over and over again. Hunter frowned and layed a hand on her shoulder, " Are you okay Aliza? ", He asked her, while glancing at an old wound she had healed from. She turned her head to look at him, " Yeah, I'm fine. ", She said and shifted her attention to the teacher walking in. Ms.Nunez strolled in to the room. Her straight brunette hair cascading past her shoulders. Light piercing green eyes studying every face. The males in the class immediately turn their attention to her. Her cream colored pencil skirt stopping just slightly above her knee. Her white silk blouse hugging her curves while she walked to her desk. Long legs that seemed to go on for miles. Though her cream colored heels helped to give her the extra height. Setting her brief case down, she turned to the class. A smirk on her pink colored lips, " Good morning class. My name is Ms. Nunez. I will be your science teacher for this year. Please take out your text books and turn to page 12. ", She stated to the class in a chirpy light voice. Aliza arched an eyebrow while pulling out the thick blue and yellow book. Her fingers flipping through the leafy like papers with ease. She caught a few glares coming from a certain clique in the class. The popular girls. Ms. Nunez didn't seem to notice as she started the lesson. Hunter watched the teacher with curiosity and slight lust. Already having pulled out his book, " New teacher looks promising. ", He remarked to himself. Class droned on for an hour. An uneventful period aside from the dirty looks and lustful stares being passed. Once the school bell rang, the students grabbed their bags and filed out of the classroom. Rushing off to their next period. Aliza shouldered her bag and stepped out of the room. Nearly bumping in to Daniel, face to chest. She glanced up at him, " Daniel! ", She exclaimed in surprise, hiding the ecstatic smile threatening to form. He grinned at her affectionately, " Hey there! How's the first day of school so far? ", He asked her as if they were talking like casual friends. Catching himself before he could reach out and tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Aliza bit her bottom lip, " Pretty good, we have a new teacher in school called Ms. Nunez. Have you met her? ", She replied to him, her eyes gazing in to his. It took all her will not to lean up on her tip toes and kiss him. Daniel chuckled at her, " I haven't met her. But I'm glad I got to see you. ", He whispered to her, taking a step forward. Aliza felt a strong arm drape over her shoulder. She looked over, coming face to face with Hunter. Hunter gazed past her, staring down Daniel, " Hey Aliza, we should get going to class before we're late. ", He commented dryly and steered a surprised Aliza away from Daniel's presence. Daniel glared at the back of Hunter's head. Watching Aliza turn her head to glance behind at him. He knew he couldn't say anything. He was a teacher, and her a student. Clenching his jaw, he turned and headed off back to his class room. Which happened to be next to Ms. Nunez.
Update: ~<>~~~~<>~~~<>~~~<>~~~<>~~~<>~~~<>~~~~<>~ Aliza couldn't believe that she and Hunter now had two classes together. They had learned this when he had pulled out a folded worn peice of paper from his pocket and asked to compare it to hers. Science, with the new teacher who Aliza couldn't believe had wanted to be a teacher and not a Victoria model, and English with Mr.Lench who Aliza always thought of as a leprechaun in disguise seeing how he was her height. At 5'4 it was kind of sad and she felt sorry for him as he greeted them at the door with a smile on his aged face. His black goatee was speckled with grey and his hair matched. Hunter towered over him as he did with Aliza and he gave his heart stopping smile to Mr.Lench when he asked about his summer reading. "No I didn't read that many books but I did read The hunger games if that helps." "Yes I suppose you young ones don't have that much time for reading what with studying for college next year," Mr. Lench responded in a deep voice that didn't match his short appearance. Hunter smiled again at Mr.Lemch and then steered her inside his arm still over her shoulder. "Well looks like we have a lot of classes hmm," Hunter said the moment they had sat in the desks towards the back of the classroom. Aliza nodded silently, remembering how the last time he had been this friendly was the night of the shooting. This thought made her shiver and Hunter peered in to her eyes worriedly. "Are you cold? Here wear this," He said pulling off his warm large black jacket and draping it across her shoulders. Looking up Aliza met his spring green eyes that seemed to have grown darker sense last time she had really looked into them. Maybe he had been affected by the shadows of the past after all. Aliza desperately wanted to know how he could stay so normal when he and his brother had been shot at. "Hunter-" Just then a pony tail bounced up to her desk and Gina smiled her grey eyes crinkling. "Hey! Looks like we have a class together, that's amazing. You are the only person who has talked to me since I've been here and I don't count a boy coming up to you saying 'Hey new girl want me to show ya around' I swear I could feel the testosterones oozing off of him-" She suddenly shut up noticing Hunter sitting next to me smiling his trade mark grin. Aliza saw how Gina's cheeks turned a slight shade of pink. Not like Aliza where her pale skin always showed any and all color change. Hmm she thought, maybe Gina had formed her first crush. "Gina, this is Hunter, Hunter this is Gina. She's new here and I met her before science, well bumped in to her." Gina grinned and took a seat next to Aliza letting her eyes dart over to Hunter returning his own dazzling smile with her own. "Hi Hunter." Hunter reached over Aliza and took Gina's hand in his own. His hand seemed to swallow hers up during the shake. "Hello Gina, any friend of Aliza is a friend of mine." She had to stop her self from rolling her eyes at that. Hunter could be so cliche sometimes. Class started and all through it Aliza could see Gina taking small peeks at Hunter. Though she also saw how Hunter was brushing his hand across Aliza's hand at any chance he could. She was very happy when the bell rang and Mr.Lench called out in his deep voice that we would be discussing the text tomorrow in greater detail. Walking outside she glanced down the hallway trying to catch a glimpse of Daniel before she headed for P.E. What she saw made her stop in her tracks, several rushing freshman bumping into her on their usual newbie hurry from class to class. Daniel was laughing with the new science teacher, Ms.Nunez. She was crossing those long legs and looked up at him. Aliza was sure that if she could see her face that her eyes would be eyeing Daniel in the way all the High school girls did. Even she was guilty of shamelessly staring at him when they were studying at her house. Glaring still she nearly snapped when Gina's arm came to loop through hers, her pony tail and smile matching. Both bouncy and perky. "Ready to go! I have band and it's on the way to the gym we can walk together!" Dragging Aliza away from the scene she sighed. This year was turning out to be very interesting indeed. Just like last year.
Oh wow. That's rather interesting, I suppose. One thing, you don't need to put a comma after the quotation marks, it would be preferable for you to either put the comma inside of the quotations in place of a period, or just begin a new sentence as is. I'm glad you've decided to take my advice to make it a bit more like a school.