A story for teenage girls. A funny one, not like the serious ones on FF. Monday 4th September LIST OF THINGS THAT I, LIKE, MUST GET DONE! Sort out the problem which is my face - Beg mummy to get me better make-up, or plastic surgery, or fake tan, or make the other girls at school blind or something that will make me look better! Become like totally super smart - Start actually going to my private tuition sessions with Plastic Spastic Austin and actually, like, pay attention to what she says. Sexy myself up - Get better clothes from Ralph Lauren and GUCCI, as most of mine make my bum look like the rear-end of a Shetland Pony! So, today is my first day back at school after a full summer in Sydney with mummy on holiday! I can't wait to see my best friends, Kirsten and Alana! I missed them so much. Kirsten says that over the summer, her sister had to go to rehab because she spent £500,000 on drugs and alcohol! Kirsten says that her sister, Blitzen, needs to 'clean herself up' and 'get her act together', otherwise Kirsten's mummy will, like, totally kick her out. Alana says that her big sister got a tattoo of barbed wire under her boobs that says 'love fence' underneath. I have no idea what it means! Gaaah! I can't wait to get to school so I can be away from my big sister, Jocasta! OK! magazine featured her last week on the red carpet at some club called PlayBunnies, and like an hour after that photo was taken, Jocasta punched the bar tender and got kicked out! WHO DOES THAT?! So, my home life is pretty much messed up at the minute, because daddy is in China with his TV company and mummy is in Africa with her interior design stuff, and when the whole family is together, everybody is like 'boo-hoo me, my life sucks' and then somebody else says 'no, your life is heaven compared to mine!' and then there's a whole big 'boo-hooing' fest at the table and the waiters just stand there pretending that they aren't listening, but really they are.
And now, mummy is trying to be what Dr. Seert calls 'earth mother'. She is trying to spend more time at home and she now cooks us the occasional dinner. (It tastes disgusting, but hey! At least she's trying!). So yeah, I can't wait to go back to school, except for the fact that Calypso Karcedge goes to the same school as me, and the only reason she lets me breath the same air as her is because my daddy owns a huge TV company, and, even though she's rich enough, she's a gold digger. (FYI, that doesn't mean she picks her nose!). So, when I got up this morning, Mrs. Greene had left some baked beans and a boiled egg on the floor beside my bed. Bad idea, Mrs. G. Because I am practically blind when I wake up, I got out of my bed, and I was standing in a very appetising looking breakfast. Then, Felix walked in. 'You must look where you step, Kitten,' he said to me, and he tutted and shook his head. He can't tell me what to do. After I washed the food off of my foot, I got dressed into my Boone Academia for Young Ladies uniform and made myself a bowl of cereal. Which, funnily enough, I dropped on the floor. CURSE YOU BREAKFAST! MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY, MY BUM! I gave up with breakfast, and just walked out the door and into one of mummy's cars. The driver, Knute, eyed me up and down. 'What you been up to then?' He asked me. He loves getting involved with my life, because if I tell him something that he finds bad, he grasses me up to mother, because she is known to give out one hundred pound tips.
I was dreading getting on the bus with Knute. I would rather take one of those bus thingys. We were talking about that at school and everybody was saying that I DEFINITELY shouldn't get on one because I'm related to the royal family and would probably get kidnapped by terrorists and have my head chopped off and it would be shown all over Russian TV. DECISION TIME! <Take the bus> <Get in with Knute> <Tell Knute to shove him and his car up his big fat bum>
<.< I remember reading one of her stories in the past and someone saying that it was like something they'd read... .-. I don't see the point of writing up an already written book.
I knew this was from the book "Diary of a Snob"! hehe…I pick the bus! As long as the storyline is different then everythings cool with me! BUMP!!!