Finding Home

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by *Jazmine786 (01), Feb 17, 2013.

  1. Alice POV- 6 years old -
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    "Daddy! Daddy! I wanna play hide and seek!" I said grinning.

    "Ok sugarplum." Daddy replied sighing. 'I will hide somewhere daddy won't look!' I thought.

    "I'll count to 10, and you hide" My dad said covering his eyes, while turning around. I ran far into the woods nearly tripping on a log. I turned and ran even farther as fast as my legs could go. The I stopped and breathed heavily. "Wait..." I said "where am I?". Then I heard my dad. He was very far away.

    I heard a shuffling noise behind me as I turned around. A man said "I have finally found you..." As I blacked out.
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    Hehe. I was bored so I decided to make a story. I hope you like it!
     
  2. It's a good start, try make the updates longer though and add more emotions, thoughts and senses
     
  3. ⇧ she is right but this story has some potenal
     
  4. Cool! Try and make the updates longer though
     
  5. What Samie said.
    Also add details, elaborate their feelings. I feel like I gave this tip to you already..
    But weave little bits of detail into the story :geek: