Chapter one Evie Black was a young girl,about six or seven.She had beautiful straight black hair about 3 inches from her shoulder,and deep chocolate brown eyes. She wasn't ton nor pale,but in the middle.She has wanted to become a scientist,and to learn the mysteries of the world.Now here is her story. The Real Beggining "Mummy where are we going" young Evie said."Oh it's a surprise" her mother answered sounding nervous and darting her eyes around the streets."Maby it's icecream or candy!" Evie thought happily not paying attention as they walked through an alley that seemed mysterious. "I better get paid enough for taking care of this twit for six years!" Evies mother thought."Ok I brought her" her mother said throwing Evie on the cold cement floor."Owieeeee" Evie said crying in pain."Good but you were supposed to drug her before giving her to me!" Said a deep,dark voice of a strong buff man maby forty years or so,sitting on what seemed like a throne of some sort that was hidden in he shadows."Wait,that voice sounds familiar..."thought Evie then having of a daydream of someone,someone kind and loving almost like her... Thank you for reading,I have had a couple stories that have failed because I was to lazy to fix the mistakes. bumps and feedback are encouraged!
Update Evies Story Yes,it was all coming back now.Evies daydream continued,the man...he was rocking baby Evie in a pink wood crib.He was softly singing to her soothingly,but then the daydream began to change...baby Evie was still in the crib when her father had stood up,and started yelling at her mother...her real mother with like brown hair and the same eyes as Evie.But this woman's hair seemed that it could light up a room somehow. "Fine!"the mother screamed with hot tears rolling down her cheeks."Find another woman that treats you and the child as well as I do!"she said and stomped off. The father searched and searched,looking for someone to take baby Evie,but no one wanted her. They said that they had there own lives to think about. "Miss" said the father,"Would you be so kind to take my baby?She is only six months old." "As if"the woman snorted walking away in her red high heels,and professional suit.She probably worked as a secretary. The father thought for a moment,then said "I will pay you 15,000 dollars,you can only keep her for six years." The woman stopped."I'm listening..." She said." Ok,here's the plan..."the woman patiently listened to what the father had to say."Deal" she said,smiling shaking the fathers hand. Evie jolted awake,in a strange room."Oh my god" she said."That was all a dream..."."No it's not" said a woman."Where are you?" Said Evie jumping up,ready to fight anyone who came near her."Right here" said the woman with light brown hair that seemed dull and dry. The woman's eyes teared up.She hugged Evie unexpectedly surprising her."Are you..."Evie began to say. What's happening?Could that woman be her mother?Find out what happens in the next update!
Chapter 2:Secrets "Are you my mother?" Evie asked confused.The woman nodded, smiling. Who was that woman that daddy gave me to?" Oh,you remember that." The woman said,her smile fading. "Well" the woman began." She was a secretary. She worked at a local office,and was very rich. She was a great actor,but was so selfish she wouldn't share an m'n'm!( idk how to spell that )But she got fired from her job because she demanded for more money." "When she was walking back home,she met your father while I was watching behind a building. You know the rest of the story" Ok I have managed to post an update!ill be posting in some time
Continuing... "Mummy" Evie started to say"who was that man that told the lady that she should have drugged me?" Evie asked." We'll,lets just say that you father became mad when he wasn't with me or you. So he started stalking the lady. She became scared, thinking that she wasn't taking good care of you. Then she acted more motherly." Evie's mother paused, then said"When your father saw this, he didn't want the lady to become to attached to you." Evie's mother said, sighing." Why?" Evie asked curious." I...I...I don't know. I wish I didn't let the divorce happen." Years went by( 4 years ), as the mother and daughter talked. They mostly talked about how to escape, but failed to do so. Evie had turned ten one day,the lady who they figured out was named Sarah had brought her a cake like every year, for four years. It turned out that she was quite friendly. She had even let them walk around and buy clothes. 5 years later "Mom" Evie said "I have a plan." She said smiling devishly. Weeell I said I'd update so I did.
Try to add punctuation through the dialogue. Like, "I don't know, I just don't know." "But the dog, he's sick,"