It was a sunny Wednesday morning and the sun was shining bright over the school square. Me, Mark, Edward and Colleen were hanging around when the bell rang for class. All four of us walked joking and laughing like we do on a normal day but this was anything but a normal day....
We all got into class and the teacher, Mr Walls, told us a new girl would be joining our class and as soon as he said new my friend Mark turned to me and said " I bet she's a nerd!" Colleen, hearing this, swiftly swung round and said" I was a nerd before I met you guys! I don't think it's cool to joke about that!" Mark looked at her and apologized. " Everyone meet Bellatrix". A small, skinny girl walked into the room and the whole room went cold. I knew from the look on her face there was something very wrong with her! " Bellatrix you can sit next to.... Tori." As soon as I heard my name I gulped and buried my face in my hands. She sat next to me and I brought my hands down and tried saying hello but nothing came out! She said nothing. I looked at her clothes, her hair and her face but everything seemed empty. I ignored her for the rest of the day.
The bell rang for the end of the day and everyone rushed to get out but Bellatrix just sat in her seat then stood up and walked past me. Mark came up to me and said" hey Tori are you walking home?" I nodded and he then said," That girl has something wrong with her and I'm gonna find out. Come on Tori... we're gonna follow her!" We walked slowly behind her until we came to her house where we stopped on the edge of her patio. Her house was old and tatty. The color of it was black and brown. It nearly made me sick to my stomach!
1. Needs more detail, you want the reader to be able to picture it. 2. Have a line/space/gap in between dialogue. 3. Put punctuation before dialogue. 4. Make sure your' punctuation is ALWAYS inside your speech marks. 5. Don't let your sentences run on. 6. Proof read.
I love the story for two reasons number one i just think it is brliiant number two erhm well i love you
Sorry for the delay ppl...was having major writers block!! Arrgh ! Ok so here's the next part of Girl of their Nightmares. We were still stood outside her house when we heard shouting coming from the porch of her house."Do you really think I'm that stupid to not notice you to love birds following me?! Even though you weren't talking, I could still hear the thoughts in your heads! Mulling over about why I'm like this! Well, you're not getting anything from me!" She ran into the house and slammed the door with an almighty bang! Mark turned to me and said,"Well...I think its time for me to go home now." I gasp." No wait Mark... I wanted you to stay with me and maybe go to the diner for something to eat..."I say, embarrassed." Ok, come on." I look up at him and give him a hug to say thanks!"Thank you! I didn't want to ask you because I thought it would be too embarrassing for a girl to ask a guy out..." He chuckles and shakes his head."How do you think us guys feel asking girls out! We get embarrassed too!" We both laugh walking down the road. Mark reaches out to hold my hand and I let him. His hands were so warm and soft! I didn't ever want to let go. We had forgot about the things that just happened and made our way to the diner.