this is really good but you should always read through your work for errors and a little more description and time needs to be taken over certain scenes. I'd like for you to add more description to surroundings, feelings and maybe natural appearance. However your plot is very interesting and unique!
Chapter 14 As I got ready for school I thought about what my dad had said. They're coming. What's coming? Was someone coming for me? I slipped on a green sweater to fit the freezing weather of February and a pair of studded jeans. I thought all about it on my walk to school and at school itself. As we waited in the cafeteria before homeroom, my friends kept feeling my forehead thinking I was sick. I guess I looked dazed or zoned out. I walked to my locker next to Noah but didn't speak to him. He knew I was pissed at him about the incident and didn't even try talking to me. He left to go to his locker across the hall leaving me alone. They're coming I repeated over and over again. I twirl my lock around a couple times to open my locker. They're coming. 12-17-35. I take the lock off my locker after unlocking in and push up to open it up. My locker door was amazing. I had a pink feather boa framing the rectangular shape of the locker with a couple of pictures of Dana, Ivy, Ashy, and the rest of my best friends hung up being silly. I loved them to death. On top of my mirror, I had a picture of me laughing, and Noah making a disgusted face that was hilarious. I remembered that day in the summer. Flashback "Rosalie, we're not taking a picture. I hate pictures," Noah said covering his face every time I tried to snap a photo of us. It was a really, hot, summer day in July and we had just sat in the air conditioned diner taking our usual spots in the second to last booth on the left. We had made it our table after seeing its unique features. The old smell, the ripped cushions and the oil stained table made it feel like home. "Please Noah! I'll do anything," I plead jokingly. "Give me a billion dollars," he smirks. "You're crazy," I respond shaking my head. Our favorite waitress, Olivia, comes from behind the counter after hearing us yelling at each other, "Noah! Rosey!" "Hi Liv! Get us the usual please," we singsonged in unison. She poured us water into the opaque plastic cups already set on the table and places a pile of napkins on our table. We were so going to need it. I take the first napkin and put tuck half of it into the collar of my shirt creating a bib. "Hey! Your napkin says something in it," Noah exclaims. I quickly take my self-made bib off and read what the note says. I'll take the picture of you two, I have an idea. I took your camera, btw. -Liv I smile mischievously at the note. "What does it say?" Noah asked. "Nothing," I respond trying not to smile evilly. "Tell me before I bring the tickle monster out!" he responds wiggling his fingers in my face. "Never! If you try to snatch it, it'll rip," I say laughing. He stands up and reaches over the table to tickle me, wiggling his fingers. As he does, he spills my glass of water all over the table and smears the message written on the napkin. "HAHA! Loser," I laugh. He picks up the wet napkin and tries reading the message, "I can't read this," he pouts. "Hey guys! Here are your usuals! Vanilla milkshakes and chocolate cake," Olivia says smiling as she places our food on the table. The milkshakes are heavenly. Thick, creamy, cold, vanilla milkshakes with the long, red and white striped straws. So delicious. Olivia smiles at me letting me know her plan was in action. Noah puts his mouth on the straw and starts sipping his milkshake, "AHHHHHH!" He spits it out all over his jeans as I crack up and the camera flashes. "Liv," I laugh, "What'd you put in that thing?" "Well just some vanilla ice cream, milk and some mayonnaise," she laughs evilly. "YOU TWO! EVIL!" Noah exclaims wiping his tongue, "That. Was. Disgusting." "We made memories though! Liv got the perfect picture of us," I say trying to make him feel better. "That was memorable all right," he takes napkins to wipe his pants. We finish up our chocolate cake, share my milkshake, and we leave. We walked around on the street a little bit laughing and talking. We walk by a mother and a five year old girl; she starts giggling. "Mommy, that boy did a pee pee in his pants," she says pointing at Noah. "Now, now Sophie, that's not nice," she says trying not to laugh. "THANKS A LOT, ROSALIE," Noah says glaring at me. Flashback over. I smile as I slam my bright, green locker shut after taking a look in my locker mirror. My light, brown hair was tucked loosely into a fishtail braid making it look effortless and messy and the color stood out after pairing it with my green sweater. After hearing the bell, I quickly scamper into homeroom and into my seat next to Noah. He gives me a small smile and them puts his head on the desk. He's always tired; maybe he should stop visiting me at night. I open my locker at the end of the day and find a note written on light pink, construction paper. Dear Rosalie, Please be my valentine. I've been wanting to ask you for a long time. Meet me in the rooftop after school tomorrow at 3:30PM. I hope you come. -Your Secret Admirer ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hoped you liked it . I tried taking advice on adding more details so please tell me how I did on that! As you know, I have midterms on Tuesday-Wednesday so starting tomorrow (Sunday) I won't be updating. I'm going to to finish the next update tonight, but until the update after the next (did that even make sense? ), keep bumping for me! Love you all
Dear Rosalie, Please be my valentine. I've been wanting to ask you for a long time. Meet me in the rooftop after school tomorrow at 3:30PM. I hope you come. -Your Secret Admirer