I put this on off topic and fan fiction because I think it's important everyone reads this. I don't care if you criticize it or whatever but I think more ppl need to know things like this so enjoy ~~>~~>~~>~~>~~>~~> I always have felt pain when it came to life. Life was given as a punishment, not for happiness and love. You won't find that in this world today and I will tell you my story and why. Maybe you will understand what it's like for some of the unlucky people out there. They discovered life for its true meaning. Maybe you will see after I tell my story. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I remember, I was five. My dad and mom were fighting a lot. Me and my little brother didn't understand of course. He was only two, so it was natural. I automatically assumed it was my fault so I tried to behave more. I was nicer. One day I decided to listen to my parents fighting. It went a little like this. "We can't keep arguing like this! It's hurting the kids," my dad had said. "I know that," my mom yelled back. "What are we going to do?" "We should get a divorce!" "Well maybe we should," and then they saw me. I ran off crying not knowing what it meant until later... Soon my dad had moved out and my mom kept our huge house. We traveled back and forth from our dad and moms house. It wasn't unusual for us. We thought it was normal. Soon my dad had met a girl named Laura. She was supposedly an old"Friend," as he called her but we knew. Soon they were married. A good advantage came out of it though. My little sister, Mia. The red head out of all us blondes and her mom with black hair. My stepmother was different though. Not evil per say but mischievous. Always pretending to be gravely ill and never could clean the house. One time we thought she had fell over some toys in our room and passed out but she had faked it so we would clean our room. She also stole from us. Right before she took off with my sister my wallet went missing. I had hundreds of dollars in it. It was really my life savings. We still get to see my sister, but only every other weekend and some Tuesday's. Every time Laura is there, I see my old wallet that she stole and I knew it was mine. Soon before my dad and Laura got divorced my mom got married to a man by the name of Corey. Of course I trusted him and loved him dearly but it just didn't work out. They were divorced when I was about ten. Then my dad met a girl by the name of Andrea online. They are now married. Of course at first I couldn't trust her. I lost that ability when Laura betrayed us. I also lost my whistle during the first divorce and happiness when Corey left. I began to trust her and now she is having my new little brother or sister. My mom met a man named B.J. He was the famous cop of our small town and I didn't know if she did this for the attention that she craved for or for love. I still don't trust him even though they are engaged. Soon after we moved into duplex's we got new neighbors. I was told one was my age. I remember my mom told me he was lonely because no one his age would play with him. Of course I thought about how I was always the oldest. Was I still going to be the twelve year old, in charge, bossy, considered teen? I had walked out and when I saw him, almost passed out. I don't stutter around boys of course so I said hey as I ran to our clubhouse. Any time I was around him(Which was most times) I couldn't help but stare at him. Him and my brother were the best of friends. I could feel him staring at me all the time. I felt ashamed of myself though. I was a Alabama football fan, he was Auburn. I went to Lauderdale County Highschool, he went to Lexington(The enemy of our school. We wanted them dead). We went outside, made clubhouses, played sports. I could be me and not fake it. I could be ugly and he would still stare at me like I was beautiful. I didn't understand this because I considered myself ugly compared to most everyone. Of course we never let each other know how we felt and that was the one thing I have always regretted. We would wrestle and fight. I had always been raised with boys so naturally as the oldest, I learned to fight. Any neighbor I had ended up either being a girl who became my best friend or a boy who fell in love with me. I laughed all the nonsense of that off until... It happened. Zevin would be moving. Him and his brother and sister were going to move closer to their school. That was when I realized how much I really cared. I was sad, extremely sad. I could never cry though for I had cried to much to be able to anymore. The day he left I remember him staring at me while hugging my brother. When he left I remembered all those times the others had said'Hey y'all should go out!" We immediately replied in unison"Y'all are idiots." I lost my smile that day. I had a funky smile that only few people have saw. When school started back I was emotionless. My friends couldn't tell anything was wrong though. My best friends couldn't even see through me! How could I hide something from them? Naturally I told them and they told me to suck it up. They didn't understand though. I could hardly understand myself. One thing I did know though was that life was cruel to the ones who are miserable already. I had no idea what was wrong with me. Why couldn't I smile? Why was I so sad... So ... Emotionless? I then began to have dreams of him and laughed when I woke up. 'It was just a stupid summer romance Madelin and hardly one at that,' I told myself. I still couldn't get him out of my mind though. Hoping to see him wherever I went. Hoping he would visit my neighbors that were friends of his moms. Then more troubles came between my family. My aunt and dad got mad at my grandma. She meant the world to me. She seemed to be the only one who understand. They blocked us out of her life and many times she would call me and begin to cry saying she loved me. I couldn't cry with her but I would try. My cousins were younger then me and didn't understand. I was thirteen an I understood every bit of it! I heard things I shouldn't and when I did, I knew my grandmother was only looking out for her kids. You see, my aunt had a new"Guy friend." She was just trying to look out for her daughter like a good mother! Was that so bad? Later on, my dad gave us a lecture about our cousins misbehaving and why we don't. He said they didn't have discipline and we did. That their mother used the excuse that they have been through a lot but we have to! When my cousins mom and dad got divorced, their dad got mad. He would keep them to long, not pay child care, steal them away from their mother in parks and other public places. They finally decided he couldn't see them anymore and the court agreed. A little before that I was told that their house was caught on fire. Do you know how it feels to not know if your best friend is alive or dead? Luckily they got out. Soon they built a big house and something about it got them in fights. That Is what changed my cousin from my best friend to a cousin who annoyed me. Yes my life has been rough but I live through it and tell you my story because there is many more. My friends didn't know and I know most of you won't either but life is cruel to those who need the most happiness they can get because they might be tempted to make a decision they regret. I know you think'Well this is nothing compared to what other people's lives are like!' You are terribly mistaken. It is a LOT of pain to us who have gone through things like this. Watching your family being torn to pieces because of little things, things being taken right out of your grasp, and then there's always the hard life of dealing with it. Other things happen to different people that you also couldn't understand what it's like unless you have gone through it. So now we get to my point of this thread. I was made fun of because I was different. I was short, I had strange dirty blonde hair with blonde highlights that I never wore down, I was a little chubby but not fat, I had a different lifestyle then most. Many things about me were strange but that's what made me, me. If being popular meant being normal then I didn't need that. I was made fun of for many reasons but everyone is different. I just didn't hide my differentness. I had great friends that I loss, great friends that I gained, but overall I did have friends that knew and understood. Most may not have had a life like mine or like others so they think it's okay to make it worse. Well it's not. So this is why I tell you my story and hopefully others have told you theirs to. You don't need to make fun or bully others because of something they can't control. Just because they are different, doesn't mean you need to point it out. To those who have been through hard times and been made fun of for it, just ignore them. They don't understand. No matter what happens good will come and while it hasn't came to me, I know it will come and you should to. Don't make fun of others because they are different. It makes them special! I put this out here for others to realize this. This is my story and I hope you understand why you don't have to be alone and I hope this motivates you not to make stupid decisions. To those of you who make fun of others for reasons like this I hope you realize why you shouldn't and that everyone encourages others not to because they may end up hating life and wanting to end it. THE END OF MY STORY ~~>~~>~~>~~>~~>~~> So that was my story and I hope you realized some things that you should change or feel better about
I also wanted to add that if you feel as though nobody understands, then you need to know someone does no matter the situation. You just need to find someone you trust and if you can't find anyone then I do hope you don't hide it. Trust me I know hiding it is not the best answer. I haven't told a soul except for on this thread and sometimes that's the best way to show it. Don't be afraid to tell someone and speak out to the world. I have a motto that I will tell y'all and some of you will understand. WHILE YOU MAY HATE THE PAST, IT IS THERE AS IS THE FUTURE AND PRESENT. DON'T LET THE PAST TAKE OVER! Some of you will get this and I hope you do. I needed to share that with you though. I actually went to art, music, and writing for help and it did. Just know you don't have to be alone.
Here is another random add on(You might see these often) I was very weird. I was random and did anything I could to hide it but things don't always work out the way you hope. I tried out for cheerleading in seventh grade and made it, surprising most everyone. I was given dirty looks as I walked in to practices and games. I knew I didn't belong but I continued to smile my fake smile, knowing their opinion didn't matter. I had a strange tan because I tan to easy in sunlight. I had half my arms almost brown and the other half white. It didn't help that my arms were double jointed which made them look like they were put on upside down. Points and laughs came at me but I didn't care. I knew I was weird, lame, ugly and didn't care. That's when all the sudden guys I had never talked to started stalking me at school. They claimed they thought I was beautiful but I knew it was all lies. They followed me and watched me and blew up my phone with text messages but I ignored them all. Just because I became a cheerleader doesn't mean I need to be stalked by random guys! I was really mad at that point and had to start controlling my anger. If I didn't I knew someone would get hurt. This is how I saw myself but many others disagreed with me. This one girl who was always high told me I was prettier then her but I didn't pay any mind to it because she was drunk. I never wore makeup, never fixed my hair I just threw it in a ponytail, if I got a insult I would thank the person who said it to me, and I was shorter then most of them. So I was different? I knew the people who really loved me were my friends and I knew I would have to tell them my troubles but I hid the troubles. I didn't go into depression but I stayed in my room, didn't come out, would listen to music, draw, play on electronics, and do anything I could to stay away from my family. I needed a spot to go and hide but there was no where without the memories of Zevin hanging in the air so I was stuck in my room. The point of this was to show you, that you can do anything you want to. I was a cheerleader. I quit because to many rumors were being spread about me. Don't quit something you love or not try something you want to try. It makes all the difference when you try. I will post random things from my past but they will always have a meaning in them. Stay strong!
You are very strong. Just remember only you decide the changes you want in yourself not others I have had my own rough patches in life but thankfully still going strong. Keep up the strong spirit!
The next summer I took the fat thing seriously. I ate less and ran more. I saw a difference immediately and almost starved myself sometimes. When I came back to school I was still chubby but I wasn't short. I had shot up. I was taller then my mom now and almost as tall as my dad. My dad was tall and my mom was about 5'1. I wasn't made fun of that often but I debated wether I should become a new me. I had changed personalities many times but this was the biggest. I became happy, enthusiastic, annoying, energetic, and crazy. The complete opposite of me. I was cussing at the age of twelve. I didn't want to but it's what I felt I had to do to not be made fun of. I knew Zevin would be impressed to so that was always a big factor. He talked me into crazy things I would have never done before. We spray painted buildings, knocked down bees nest, scream at random people we had guns, break beer bottles we found in the woods and shoot them. It was crazy. I was always the"Stop! They're going to call the cops," one of the group. Eventually I loosened up. That didn't stop people from calling me a goodie goodie. If only they knew half the things I had done... The things I have regretted. I have lied to cops before and it was hard since I live with the famous town cop! I mean who wouldn't be scared to lie to a cop when your stepdad is one? I stood emotionless and lied to a cop though. I won't go into details why but it was because I thought I needed to change myself. I was to worried about what people thought of me to realize... It's not me they don't like. It's my friends and I'm not getting rid of them. This was to tell you, don't mess up like me. Don't change who you are because of bullies. They don't know you, they don't know me. Why suffer from their own lack of judgement? Don't change because you think you need to. Sometimes what you think should be done isn't what should be done. DEAR ANYONE WHO JUDGES ON LOOKS OR PERSONALITIES, People aren't who they seem to be. Don't put labels on them. They are not items up for sale. They may look different but really, on the inside they are just the same. No matter what they have been through, look like, or even act like, you can't judge a book from its cover. They may seem boring and different but really they are special and unique. You know how there is always a slice of bread unwanted? The one slice that is different so you skip it and go to the others in a loaf of bread? Well they may seem like that piece of bread but really they are like the others. The same as you and me. It's you who is the different piece because you think it matters. It doesn't. STOP BULLYING PEOPLE YOU KNOW NOTHING OF! Just yesterday, a girl from my school got in a fight from another school. The girl who won was a cheerleader, in pageants, good grades, anything you could imagine. She ruined it all. The other girl had internal bleeding, fractures bones, bumps in the head and other things. Want to know why they were fighting? The girl who lost's mom was talking about the other girls mom. JUDGING! They got into it and now see what happens? Don't judge people like that. It would make the world a better place.