Recommended for teenage girls. How to be a Snob Book 1: Flat Chested Whimp! Back-of-book description (Blurb): "Hey, you! My name is Iris Trapper! I'm 16, I'm a Right Honourable and due to inherit an iPhone5 (go me!). I'm going to tell you all about MOI and my amazingly booo-tiful friends and the wicked things we get up to at Octavia Lycée for Young Ladies! And before you go thinking I'm a spoilt rich kid, do remember that my bra size is 32AA MINUS, I have a mega brace on my teeth and face like a Twister mat! It's not all diamonds and pearls you know! Chiao!" Sunday, 4 September OK! So, Dr. Parry, my "therapist", says I have to keep a daily record of things so that it's easy for him to understand my life. I don't know why he would even want to read it, as my life is Kill-yourself-with-a-hammer-DULL! Anyway, so, I go back to school tomorrow so today was pretty much filled up with homework, yawn! It's funny, I actually yawned when I wrote that! Aha! Question for science teacher: "What makes you yawn?" I quickly scribbled that down on a piece of paper and shoved it in my school bag. That reminds me a little quote I saw on my BlackBerry. "If you have a problem with me, please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up, and shove it up your a**!" Sorry about the stars, Mummy doesn't let me swear. Anyway, I digress! Where was I?! Oh! Yes! So, this morning I woke up and went downstairs to Baxter's room and helped his nanny get him dressed. Bax can be such a pain in the bum it's unbelievable! Then, I went down the stairs (again) and went into the kitchen, where Mrs. Mosey, our housekeeper, was making breakfast. "Morning, love!" She said to me, merrily. She was always in a good mood, and I don't know why.
"Oh! And how is that Bradley friend of yours?" She asked whilst she was chopping cucumber. I shorted out for a moment. Cucumber? Really? It's eight o'clock in the friggin' morning! "Sweetheart? Bradley. How is he?" She asked again. My eyes widened at the sound of his name. Bradley goes to Octavia for Boys across the road, we made a tunnel under the road so that the boys and girls could mix at break and lunch. Bradley is that boy that every girl wants! He is, a complete sęx god! His eyes are emerald green and his lips are a perfect cherry red, his beautiful tanned skin framed by his flowing, soft brown hair. I drooled. "Uhhh, he's fine, Mrs. M," I replied. She nodded her head and smiled to herself, like she knew what was going on in my head. Just then, Blitzen walked in, completely drunk and, for once, she actually looked horrible! "Blitzen! You got a little something on your cheek," I told her. We always say that when she had a hangover, just to see if she was paying attention. She wasn't.